A mother is often someone we take for granted as being nurturing, when in fact they can be anything but. There are emotionally unstable mothers, passionate mothers, embarrassing mothers, selfish mothers, overly human mothers, mothers who make mistakes, who always say the wrong thing, who are a little prickly or clumsy with their love, who seem detached, cold or are even outright cruel to US… Their children.
Sometimes mothers are entirely absent, parted by sorrow, misunderstanding or even death. Mothers are often a far cry from nurturing, and so, when needing to be nurtured, we can often feel strung out in the dark.
As if something has been severed from us but we’re not quite sure what. Like a phantom limb, our actions when we become mothers or are struck with the necessity to be nurturing ourselves, the gap can itch yet we feel lost as to how to deliver this kind of rare and divine love.
Here are some ways to nurture ourselves in those times of darkness, for whether we got our fill of mother’s milk as infants or not, sometimes we need more than the helpful ear of a friend or the lecture from our distracted parental figure. Or maybe, speaking from experience, having lost my mother very young we simply need to fill up all those missed years with self nurturing in order to heal those empty tummies and empty hugs with something that can be tapped into when all the phone lines are down or you’re half way across the world: Divine Nurturing.
Hugging yourself physically or mentally can be incredibly uplifting and reassuring. This can be done with arms wrapped around yourself or in the mirror, gazing into your own eyes for long enough until the barriers and defenses begin to crumble away until all that is left is the child at the moment you lost your innocence.
If you look long enough you will find it. Move through the pain and you may be surprised to find a lost or angry soul. A child stamping their foot and saying ‘it’s so unfair!’ Keep watching and you will find yourself comforting that child; you being you and that child all at the same time, you nurturing them and they teaching you.
As a Divine Mother probably would, share everything with yourself first… Give yourself the treat or delayed gratification you deserve for finishing that essay, completing that long walk or doing your accounts. Be the one to put yourself first, unapologetically saying no to things that put strain on you and love yourself enough to have a concrete daily self-love routine.
When we become mothers, we often have no choice but to do this. Either that or become ill. There’s no-one else to lean on but yourself and the only way out is to go deeper into your boundaries by assertively taking your own time.
Listen to your own inner critic objectively, yet radiate love for the confused and frustrated individual pouring their heart out to you. You are them yet you are not them. As in meditation, use Divine Nurturing to become the witness in your life and learn to honour your emotions.
There is repetition and a desperate self absorption to all problems and like a mother you can let them wash over you without trying to solve them.
The Sacred Feminine is the wisest teacher because she lets her pupils find their own solutions, simply pointing them in the right direction with a smile on her face. The answers are within us, but sometimes we need to step back into our higher selves and guides in order to hear the voice… and many times over it will be painful to behold how attached we are to our own suffering.
Fearlessly Defend Yourself
Be the wrathful tiger mother that often challenges outward assumptions of what a mother looks or should be like: the height of calm. Actually Divine Nurturing also encompasses that part of us that needs to defend ourselves. In societies based on fear the sensitive among us can often become torn to shreds if we let others take advantage of our gentle natures.
Like the mother fearlessly protecting her young, become an advocate for yourself. Much like the boundaries needed in honing the ability to give as well as receive, it’s vital for grandmother and mother energy to adopt this warrior element. Protect yourself, don’t put up with any s***, and don’t be afraid to speak up to those who seek to intimidate or mislead you.
Become The Conscientious Observer and Affectionate Guide All Rolled Into One
Again, find that place between lovingly letting yourself fall down and make mistakes yet create a loving routine and narration for your life. Setting realistic goals, objectively analyzing mistakes made with the view to not making them again and trusting your innate intuition will honour Divine Nurturing.
OK so having a 9-5 job, mortgage and drinks at the weekend may have been left in the dust, but there can be an awful lot of comfort and the expression of self love in a good solid routine (that can be wavered when spontaneity comes calling). This is the time in the day where I work and do what I love. This is the time of the day where I relax/eat well/exercise/dance/ laugh/learn something new.
Women’s magazines are full of these tips for a reason. The Sacred Feminine knows how to balance her day and slice her time up into activities encompassing love for herself and those that give back to others. Brainstorming and coming up with lists that honour your creativity, self expression and compassion can help breed habits that can be easily woven into that routine, attracting better karma and creating a deep sense of inner peace for good.