“Healthy relationships should always begin at the spiritual and intellectual levels-the levels of purpose, motivation, interests, dreams and personality.” ~ Myles Monroe
There is a funny thing we tend to do in regards to romantic relationships, and that is over-complicate things.
We become so attached to the idea of having someone, or keeping the one we have, that we make something that is supposed to be magical, romantic, serendipitous and turn it into something we are afraid to lose, have to “put up” with, and/or love to complain about to our closest confidantes.
Often we hear people complaining or begrudgingly speaking of their partner so much it makes us wonder if said person has forgotten that a romantic relationship is still something that we do get to choose whether or not we are in, and not something we are forever stuck with.
Often things such as time, fear, and unhealed emotional hurts are so interwoven in our relationships that it can completely distract us from maintaining the most important part of any relationship, and that is our own selves and our own happiness.
And even though all relationships are manifested in our lives for a reason, even if it’s a learning lesson, it is important to always have an inner dialogue with our own heart to assess when it is time to move on from an unhealthy and stagnant partnership.
Below are five questions to either ask yourself or your partner to determine that you are with someone who is helpful rather than harmful to your personal evolution.
5 Questions That Will Help You Determine if They Are the “Right” One
“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself-to laugh with me, not at me; to cry with me; but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.” ~ Leo F. Buscaglia
1) Is he/she nice to me?
Okay this may sound really remedial, but unfortunately as humans we often become so plagued with doubt, indecision, and fear that we forget that in actuality most things in life are really simple, and romantic relationships are no different.
This question may require some people to get brutally honest with their situation, and force them to face head on the justifications and excuses they’ve been giving their partner for years. Of course we all get in bad moods from time to time, and we can often take that out on those closest to us.
But if a common theme in your relationship is having to explain your partner’s behavior to yourself, your kids or your friends and family it may be a sign of a deeper issue. Our feelings are our greatest tool in helping us to determine if our relationship is beneficial to us. Loving relationships are marked by two people who are… NICE TO EACH OTHER. And “nice” never needs excuses or justifications, it just feels authentically good in our heart.
2) What do I love most about them? What do they love most about me? (this will require you to ask your partner)
The answer to these two questions can carry huge implications. A person rooted in egoic tendencies and overall selfishness often seeks out people who will enforce their self image, one who will serve them while they do little to serve the other.
If your answer or your partner’s answer are always that the other one makes you/them feel, for instance they may say, “I love that you give me compliments all the time” it may be an indication that the relationship is more self-serving rather than an equal partnership.
Of course we can love these things about someone, but a person who truly adores their partner will most likely give an answer that shows they see the unique quirks of their special someone, for example: “I love the way you laugh when you think something is really funny.”
“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.” ~ Mandy Hale
Here’s another question that really should be one of the most common things we ask ourselves in regards to our relationship.
Since relationships are something that we get to pick for ourselves it is important that we pick someone who is making us better, and more motivated to grow as a person.
Often we meet people whose personal issues, or life issues are completely disproportionate to the ones that we are dealing with and it is at that point where said person becomes more of a liability to us rather than an asset.
Of course we all go through our ups and downs in life, and healthy partnerships are marked by people who support each other through everything.
However, if it comes to be that one person seems to always be “down” and the other one is playing out the archetype of savior, then this can be the mark that the scales have tipped completely. It is never healthy for one person to drain all of their own energy and their partner’s energy in trying to get back up.
4) Were they happy before they met me? Was I happy before I met them?
There is always exceptions, but most of the time healthy, flourishing, relationships are found when we are at our happiest. When unhappy people go out looking for someone to fulfill them, this is where we seem to get those “lesson instead of a blessing” types of people.
And again, nothing happens by chance, so if you have found yourself in one of these types of relationships try to extract the things you have learned about yourself by being with the wrong one, it can only help you when the right one comes along.
5) Why did I click on this article?
Here’s another one that is going to require brutal honesty with ourselves. Yes, we can say minor curiosity purposes, but if you have found yourself taking every “is he/she right for you?” quiz in every magazine, clicking on every article with a heading like “10 signs he/or she is ‘the one'”, and things of that nature it’s most likely because you have some shred of doubt that you are with the person of your dreams. And that’s totally ok!
Articles such as these are showing up in your life most likely because you are trying to wake yourself up and come to terms with the fact that you are questioning things. The doubt that the little voice in the back of your mind seems to have about your person is there for a reason!
An important thing to remember is, when you feel loved, and you love, there will be no doubt. A person knows when their heart is full of joy, and when they are truly being respected and adored by another.