How to go from Wanting to Change your Life to Deciding to Change your Life

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anais Nin

We all change, that’s inevitable. And we all want to change for the better, that is, we all want to change in healthy, rather than unhealthy, ways. But sometimes wanting to change isn’t enough.

Sometimes it requires a decision. Wanting is easy. Deciding is scary. Wanting is just a thought, a cartoon in the brain. Deciding is making that thought a possibility, and the cartoon a reality. So quit wanting to change, and just decide to change.


The question is: will that decision be courage-based or fear-based, liberating or imprisoning, healthy or unhealthy. Here are four tactics to help push us toward making better decisions, as opposed to simply wanting and making excuses, about how we’re going to change.

Cure yourself of Decidophobia

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. The moment one definitely commits oneself, providence moves too.” ~ W.H. Murray

Princeton University philosopher Walter Kaufmann wrote a book titled Without Guilt and Justice where he coined the term decidophobia: a lazy disposition where one would rather leave the deciding of what is Truth to some outside authority.

Sadly, decidophobiacs (the majority of people) would rather someone else decide the course of their lives for them. Once they’ve relinquished control of their lives to this authority (the state, the church, the military, a university, a certain political party) they will tend to accept as truth anything argued by that authority, no matter how ridiculous, outdated, parochial, or stupid it is.

Their reasons are generally fear-based, usually out of the fear of being wrong, or of being an outcast. The first step toward wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life, is to break the spell of decidophobia. Indecision is torment.

Deciding is liberation. Indecision is cowardice. Deciding is courage. Providence in action is something to behold, but in order for it to be beholden, you have to make the first move.

Like Hellen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our face toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefinable.”

pavlovs_dog_mask_owlRecondition the Precondition

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” ~ Albert Einstein

For the most part, we all grew up in a fear-based culture. As such, we tend to live fear-based lives. We tend to fear being alone, and we often feel helpless and at the mercy of the system, whatever that system might be.

But, as Shrii Shrii Anandamurti explained, “You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

As such, the power is in us to recondition whatever preconditioning occurred when we were growing up. So if our preconditioning was unhealthy, it behooves us to recondition it in healthy ways, so as to become healthier people.

Transforming fear-based living into courage-based living is exactly such a healthy reconditioning of an unhealthy condition. Our preconditioning is the worldview we’ve been conditioned with. It, inadvertently, becomes our subconscious drive.

Our subconscious is the blueprint of our life. We are, for the most part, completely unaware of it. Our conscious mind is only a minuscule aspect of the subconscious that we are aware of, and is almost completely controlled by the subconscious belief structure.

The trick to reconditioning the precondition is to become more consciously aware of our subconscious knee-jerk reaction to things, and then to own up to them, in order to discover new and healthier ways of reacting.

With enough practice (meditation, self-affirmation, cathartic art) we can eventually recondition our fear-based perspectives into courage-based ones. First step: forgive yourself. Second step: love yourself, fiercely and unapologetically. A state of blissful gratitude arises and fear dissolves when you surrender to self-love.

Like Tom Robbins said, “When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.”

Come from a place of abundance, not scarcity. Find a way or find an excuse, the choice is yours. Unless you wish to remain a decidophobiac living a fear-based lifestyle, I suggest finding a way to recondition the precondition.

Make an art form out of Nonconformity

Obey Follow Conform Fit in“Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren’t any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. And never forget, no matter how overwhelming life’s challenges and problems seem to be, that one person can make a difference in the world. In fact, it is always because of one person that all the changes that matter in the world come about. So be that one person. ” ~ R. Buckminster Fuller

Like Jen Sincero wrote in ‘You are a Badass’, “There’s nothing as unstoppable as a freight train full of fu*k-yeah.” Be that freight train. You do not have to experience the world in the way you were told you had to.

This is your life, it’s your responsibility how you live it: bad ass rebel or conformist puppet, progressively sustainable or stagnantly unsustainable?

Don’t tiptoe through life hoping to make it safely to your death. That’s just silly. Grab the world by the balls. See what makes it tick. Then when you’ve figured it out, make it tick, or tick it off. Break rules if you have to. They’re made to be broken so that better rules can be realized.

Like Pablo Picasso said, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”

Just make sure that you’re responsible for the consequences. Nothing is set in stone, not even stone itself. Break open that stone. The stone is a metaphor for anything that feigns permanence. Shatter it into a million little pieces.

Nothing stays the same. Everything changes, including you. Roll with the changes, but do it your way. Nonconformity doesn’t mean out of control, it means out of “their” control. This is your world. Just remember: we all have to live in it.

Self-actualize Yourself

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~ Dr. Seuss

There has never been another you in the history of history. Appreciate how special you are. Like Kurt Cobain said, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” Don’t compare yourself to others. Comparison is unfair and a waste of energy.

Instead, compare yourself to previous versions of yourself, and realize that there are things you can control and things you cannot.self-actualization-quote

Let go of what you cannot control and improve upon what you can. The key to individuation is realizing that codependency and independence are the two extremes of interdependency, which is the natural state of the cosmos.

Independence is healthier than codependency, but interdependency is healthier still, because interdependency is the self-realization that all things are connected and that we, each and every one of us, are a devastatingly unique aspect of all things.

Like Martin Luther King Jr. said, “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

The more we understand this, the more we become self-actualized. And the more we become self-actualized, the more capable we are of deciding how we’re going to change for the better. And the more we change for the better, the healthier our world, as a whole, becomes.

Image source

This way
Question marks
Pavlov’s Ape
Obey, follow, conform, fit in
Maslow quote

Newsletter Signup

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter and get the latest updates straight in your inbox!

Please share, it really helps! :) <3


Notify of

Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Latest for Members

You May Like

5 Signs of Inner Turmoil and What to Do About It

“I never realized how literally we battle demons. Often alone. It is a relentless skirmish with vicious wraith-monsters devouring us from within. We Fight....

3 Ways to Recalibrate Your Inner Compass

“It's better to figure out that your map is inaccurate than it is to get lost.” ~ Jordan Peterson The compass is both an object...

The Art of Zigging While Everyone is Zagging

“Doing as others told me, I was blind. Coming when others called me, I was lost. Then I left everyone, including myself. Then I...

Going to the Depths of your Mind through Vipassana

Sometimes you need to be pushed to the edge to realign with your path. It had reached a stage where if I didn’t do...

Walking the Labyrinth to Encounter Your Inner Monster

The Labyrinth is one of the oldest symbols of humanity and linked to the ancient culture of Goddesses, believed to be the oldest religion...

Sophia, the Gnostic Goddess and our Search for the Divine Truth

Gnosticism, one of the most mystical movements in our history, has been buried and forgotten centuries after the spread of Christianity. This vision is...

For Members

Four Theories About the Independent Consciousness of Thought

"The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts." ~ Marcus Aurelius, Meditations We all know that thinking good thoughts is a wise idea....

Balance, the Alchemy of Life

One of the main ways to create content is to look at sources for additional information. To be honest, I'm an avid reader, when...

4 Calming Nature Rituals to Keep you Centered in Chaos

Nature heals. It heals your soul, rejuvenates your spirit and calms your mind. The pandemic has taken a huge toll on everyone and during...

7 Ways to Heal the Crown Chakra

“The crown chakra is located several inches above the head, but it is not connected. The crown chakra, also known as the thousand-petal lotus...

The Art of Value without Attachment

Spirituality seems to have a stigma attached to it that has undoubtedly turned many people in today's modern world off from exploring it in...

Einstein as Shaman : Living By Truth

“Shamanism and science are both essential to making sense of our primary experience of the world. Discovering and living by truth require practicing each...

Broken Compasses, Bullshit-meters, and Question-mark Swords

“We should go and proclaim without cease and remind people at every step of what we are: that our capacity for self-delusion has no...

7 Thought Experiments by Albert Einstein that will Blow your Mind

"Einstein believed: that A reality exists independent of our ability to observe it. That objects are located at distinct points in spacetime and have...

The Philosophical Wrecking Ball: Protecting Us from Our Yearning for Certainty

“What I understand of “philosopher”: a terrible explosive in the presence of which everything is in danger.” ~ Nietzsche The thing that makes philosophy useful...

The Existential Black Hole: Discovering Your Own Will to Meaning

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of...

Failure as a Conduit to Fearlessness

“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get...

Going Supernatural ~ Unlocking your True Human Potential ~ Part 2

In Part 1 of Going Supernatural we saw that our capabilities are limited by our beliefs and that we can unlock far more than...