Heart Break: Using a Broken Heart to Confront our Fears

“Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and in actuality, it is what we are, in our truest essence. As our ego begins to develop as a young adult we start identifying with it, instead of the love that we actually are.

In this identification with our ego, we buy into the illusion that we must seek outside of ourselves for this love. The further we drift from our own light and love that is already within us, the more we seek validation from another human being.


As long as someone else is telling us how wonderful we are or how much they like us, we can feel worthy as a person. However, when we make another person the pure reason for our happiness, we also are giving them the power to be our demise.

Their validation of our worthiness literally has the power to make or break us. Now as most of us know, very few relationships, especially those that we have when we are young, last forever. Almost everyone, has to some extent or another experienced the feeling of being heartbroken. And for some, this may happen repeatedly.

This perceived “loss of love” can be the worst feeling in the world. Since we are identified with the belief that we are not perfect, and we are not love, when someone is taking away the one thing that is truly making us feel whole as a human being, it can feel like the worst withdrawal stemming from a person who is addicted to a drug.

unconditional-lovePeople deal with this heartbreak in many number of ways, but because our first taste of a broken heart can feel so absolutely terrible, we almost always develop some level of fear around it. Some of the more common fears that most of us start to develop are, fear of being vulnerable, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, and fear of being hurt.

Because we start associating love with fear, we build wall after wall around our heart center. We never want to feel the feeling of loss of love again so some may build so many barriers around their heart that when anyone tries to come in they will not let them.

Others may become comfortable in this “seeking” of love outside of themselves, and therefore may become addicted to relationships or love that don’t really seem to ever work out because the fact of the matter is, it is not stemming from an authentic place of love. It is stemming from fear based love, which isn’t really love at all.

The fear is, “I need you to make me feel whole, happy and worthy. I fear that if you are gone I will feel like less of a person, so I love you, but I only love you as long as you are validating my beliefs about myself, and reinforcing my sense of self.”

This is how a person forms love… with conditions. With all these fears, walls, and barriers that we form over time AGAINST true love, it is no wonder so many of us have such problems in our relationships. So how do we break the walls down? How do we move through all these fears in order to get back to our true & authentic nature, which is an infinite well of pure, unconditional love?

Is it possible that allowing ourselves to experience the pain of a broken heart can actually be the best thing we can do in order to move past the limiting belief systems of an ego that doesn’t yet know it is already perfect and whole?

“The wound is the place where the light enters you” ~ Rumi

Some people spend an entire lifetime preventing themselves from being hurt by another human being. They may consciously think they want to fall in love or are looking for a relationship, but in actuality the fear they have built around their hearts is the one thing that is preventing them from manifesting the thing they truly want.

Most likely they will attract other people who are afraid, or who love with conditions, which is never a good recipe for a healthy relationship. However, if we allow ourselves to jump fully into the pains of our heart center, and feel the perceived hurts to completion, we find that on the other side of our fears and “wounds” is complete peace.

A place of pure unconditional love that fear cannot exist in. By confronting the illusory self, and every blockage we have to being in our heart essence, we find that all the fears we were resonating with were the very thing that was blocking us from being open to not only our own self-love, but also to receiving love from another person.

When we are resonating in our own unconditional love for ourselves, we begin to be able to offer this to someone else. We stop having “expectations” of how people should act, we stop wanting to possess people and control them as if they are our possessions.

We realize that people who are looking for conditional/fear based love will either be completely turned off by us because we are not feeding into their ego or they will be forced to rise to the occasion and maybe our complete love will inspire them to drop down their walls and barriers.

If we encounter the first, we must be willing to let people go. It is not our job to decide whether it is their time or not to lose their fears, so if we see that they are not willing to drop their walls down, we must accept them as they are and let them go in peace.

But all this comes naturally to a heart that realizes it is already love. True love always wants the best for everyone involved, it wants the scenario that will serve the highest good of all parties, EVEN if that means not being together.

lightIn order to identify where we may be holding on to fears that have created barriers around our heart we must do a complete inventory of ourselves and past relationships. By doing this, we will be able to pinpoint where certain fear based beliefs were established about “love” (or what we THOUGHT love was).

By looking back and confronting these beliefs as simply not true we start moving through the “wounds” of our hearts. In doing so, we get to our own place of true, authentic love. We start to love ourselves unconditionally, because we see that any belief that we were holding on to that made us believe that we are not perfect and worthy was simply just not true.

We become completely open to love because we no longer have any fears blocking it. Our hearts become expansive, accepting and confident that all relationships we attract are essentially serving our evolution of consciousness, so whether they last 5 years or 5 days, we don’t hold on to them past their expiration date.

Experience, heart break. Dive into it fully and let yourself move through the pain… you may be surprised to see that you have been holding the power all along to mend your broken heart.

Image Sources:

Broken Heart
Light Through Trees

Please share, it really helps! :) <3

Nikki Sapp
Nikki Sapp
After a synchronistic turn of events led her to receive a "oneness blessing" in 2011, Nikki Sapp experienced a huge shift in her awareness and an awakening of her consciousness. Thus started her spiritual journey. As time transpired, it became apparent to her that her talent for writing and communication would be how she could give back to humanity and help others who were also experiencing a spiritual awakening. Guided by love and service, she allows her body to be the vehicle by which the universe speaks to others through her writing.


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