I Have Not Been Myself for a Long Time

I have not been myself for a long time, and even I pretended not to notice, along with everyone else. It’s a lonely place to be.  Sometimes we abandon ourselves because that’s the pattern we’ve always known, and it’s toxic as hell, but we keep doing it.  It’s hard to understand, but sometimes familiar patterns feel like love, and God…. I’ve been trying to love myself for my whole life. And I’m telling you now, the hardest thing I’ve ever done is unlearn all those patterns and teach myself the right way to love.  I’m starting with myself. It hurts a lot, but I have faith that one day it won’t.
~ Stephanie Bennett-Henry