We all want to find our soul-mates; the people who understand us on a deep level, love us, and encourage us to be our highest selves. So time and time again, we enter into relationships with people, hoping that they will be it.
But there are two things that can go astray; we are either entering relationships with people who can not give us these things, or we are in the right relationship but making important mistakes that may be hurting our connection.
We’ve all heard the statistics of 50 percent of American marriages ending in divorce; not to mention all the unmarried relationships that are starting and ending on a constant basis, but why? Why are most relationships doomed to fail, and what are all these people doing wrong?
It’s important to note that, there are some mistakes that can be fixed if we are in an overall healthy, soul-fulfilling relationship. If you feel that you are making any of these mistakes in your relationship, there is room to fix, but also a time to end it. When a relationship is abusive or detrimental to your mental and emotional health, there must be a time when your happiness comes before the relationship. Numbers 6 and 7, are good examples of this.
These are the common mistakes that occur in relationships:
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” ~ Anthony Robbins
1) They do not respect the natural ebb and flow of relationships.
This means that when the hard times come, as they surely will, one partner (or both,) runs for the hills; not knowing that after the hard times come the most rewarding times. This also means that they do not accept the natural flaws in the other; becoming disenchanted when they are past the honeymoon phase, and see that their partner is only human.
Or they do not allow for time apart, so that they can come back together. The world is run by cycles; and if you cannot work with these cycles, you may think that things are supposed to go only up, or only down, when in fact it is a constant life-giving circle.
This means that they come together and expect the other to stay as they were. This is incredibly stifling as we are constantly evolving, and have a need to change from day to day in order to find ourselves whole.
Not allowing for freedom in the other means to tie the other down to certain expectations, whether social, or personal. To be in a healthy relationship, each partner should ideally be glad to see the other blossoming and being their complete free selves. To want to restrain the other from this is an emotional blockage that cannot, and should not, exist in a healthy relationship.
3) They do not commit.
This means that they come together saying, “I want to be with you, and see where this relationship can go,” while really thinking, “I want to be with you until something better comes along.” This does not let the relationship flourish to its true potential, because their eyes are constantly wandering to see what else there is out there. This also leads to looking at others’ relationships; thinking that they are not being the ideal couple based on other’s values and dynamics, instead of focusing on their own and what is best for their unique partnership.
4) They do not communicate.
In order for an issue or worry to be resolved, or even for a partnership to fully flourish, there must be communication. Good, open and honest, non-judgmental communication. The problem arises when one partner is not willing to share. This means that a bump in the relationship will bring the whole thing down because they are unable to talk about it, and see if it can be fixed.
Another problem arises when one partner is willing to talk, but the other is not willing to listen or discuss an issue. Not only does this lead to hurt feelings for the one who is sharing, but the partnership cannot get past this stubborn attitude, and nothing will be resolved.
After they have the communication down pat, they are unable to let go of “their side.” In order to have a functioning and healthy partnership, each partner must be willing to compromise. (To a certain extent, as there are certain vital things that each person should know of themselves, should not be compromised for their well-being.)
Compromising requires really listening to the other, and relinquishing your opinion long enough to truly hear theirs. It then requires being able to let go of ego in order to sacrifice some of what you want, so they can get some of what they want. We learn this method pretty early on in life when we are urged to share with siblings and playmates, but some forget this very basic tool when it comes to relationships.
6) They choose partners based on the external, such as looks, social status, or sex.
This leads to the relationship being shallow and doomed to failure if they cannot relate on deeper levels. We must be willing to look around for a partner by looking into the other’s soul, or essence. We may be attracted to someone through the external, but love can only manifest when the internal is involved.
7) They do not bring joy to each other.
In every loving relationship there will be easy times, and harder times, as we discussed in number one. But each cycle should eventually end in good again. When a relationship endures more pain than it does joy, there is a problem. The wisest words I’ve ever been told were, “Life is not supposed to be that painful.” Love should bring joy to each partner involved. When partners keep trying to make it work, without any feeling of joy, then the partners have trapped themselves in an unworthy, or perhaps karmic, relationship.
Each person and relationship is unique, and requires a truly aware heart and mind to decipher the truth. Each person must be able to look inside themselves and see which relationships are fulfilling for them, and worth fighting for; and which are not.