“Man was born for love and revolution.” ~ Osamu Dazai
No matter what people say, self-love is revolutionary. It may seem like the arena of victimhood; a place where the weak circle around for decades, never getting anywhere aside from how to suppress their emotions until society accepts them. By the way, the above description is not for you. You are here to be a part of the revolution.
Make self-love an act of focus and bravery; make it a revo-love-tion. It takes great courage to face your fears and reverse the damaging effects of childhood. All great thinkers; leaders, warriors and bringers of light have experienced some degree of suppression of their truth in their lives, and they have used that as their catalyst for brilliance. But often it’s the way in which we approach self love that can make it so revolutionary.
We all know that pushing and resisting self hate gets us nowhere; it just creeps in the back door and places us firmly back onto square one. Seeing the simplicity of self love is often the hardest step as, from the outside anyway, people who do love themselves give no clue as to how they got there.
Even if we were to take a deep breath and ask them they may not even know how; it was given to them and therefore it’s like breathing to them, they just do it. They may even use your question to project negatively or elevate themselves above you.
Being In The Flow
“Even the strongest blizzards start with a single snowflake.” ~ Sara Raasch
The trick (and secret to all this) is, not to TRY to love yourself. You’ll only beat yourself up about it. Instead, be in the flow of loving.
When you are loving; that is flowing your attention towards something you love, then you are placing yourself in the realm of love and closing the gap between yourself and the object of your attention. It actually doesn’t matter what it is; bird song, flowers, your lover, that your tummy is full after a good meal, that the sun is shining today, that it’s raining today, that you are busy… it only matters that you are in a state of loving.
In this way you can practice it at any time of the day and can always without fail find something to love. Say you’re getting yourself into a knot of frustration over the day ahead as you sit on the bus. You catch yourself doing this and look around for something to love. At first you can’t find anything and fume with frustration and hate at the world.
Then you notice somebody’s hat you like; you run your eyes over the detail of the crochet flower, or the way it reminds you of travelling in Europe. Suddenly you’re transformed into a moment where you are expressing love and, where a moment ago you felt terrible, now you feel good.
Once you have practiced being in the flow of love for a time, say you are finding all the things you love about your boss, friend, mother or brother, you will then be ready to turn that attention inwards and see if you can find one thing – just one! – that you love about yourself.
When looking for things to love about the other we often fall into the trap of desiring something to be or have about them. So try to keep the things you discover authentic and truthful rather than an inflation of your imagination or projections. In this way you will – step by step – find authentic and genuinely lovely things to love about yourself. And before you know it, you’ll be one of those people others wish to know the secret of self love from.
Just the fact you are reading this article, desiring to love yourself or even attempting to find the flow of love is something to love about yourself. In becoming the observer and putting your attention in the flow of loving, you take yourself out of the swirl of mindless patterns and negative self-talk you have gotten unwittingly caught up in and finally give yourself the permission to see yourself and the world around you as they really are.
The Source appreciates you no matter how badly you misbehave
“People have only as much liberty as they have the intelligence to want and the courage to take.” ~ Emma Goldman
As a child rebels against their parent’s lack of attention by misbehaving in order to gain even a fraction of what they perceive as love (usually delivered in the form of negative attention), all people unconsciously perpetuate these patterns. That is, until they wake up to it.
As you practice being in the flow of loving the more you realize that your eternal parent, the Source; where you have come from and will one day return to, has never taken its attention away from you and is actually intrinsically written INTO you. You may put your attention away from it at times in a display of fear of its lack, but actually you’ll find that if you turn around and shift your focus (hint: it’s always waiting at the core of your being) then you’ll understand that it is impossible to ever part from it.
Generally speaking, we rebel like adolescents in our bitter stubborn will to part with the Source and what we perceive to be the parental figure in our lives. Call it what you want; the universe, God, the divine, the eternal… whatever you label it, it laughs in saddened merriment at the fight we put up to push it away and at the ferocity with which we misbehave in order to aggravate it.
It laughs because it will accept and appreciate you no matter what you do, so there’s really no point in acting up. You can scream, you can swear, you can bite and thrash, you can break hearts and lie and cheat, you can even commit murder – we all know you never would – but say hypothetically someone did, Source would still love them. But we don’t need to go there, because we are giving up the fight as we speak and allowing ourselves to receive that love in abundance.
By putting your attention on and being in the flow of love and appreciation you put yourself right ‘up/in’ there next to Source. You submit your resignation to resistance and agree to fight the good fight (Casablanca style).
Love Your Ego
“Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.” ~ Bob Marley
In being in the flow of loving you can even arrive at the appreciation of your own ego and lower the perception of it being separate from yourself in the first place. The ego has no personality; it’s actually just a dead thing, an illusory facet, a puppet politician that carries no weight at all. But love it anyway.
Things to appreciate about your ego could be things like, it pretended to be the only facet of you for many years in order to incite the deliciousness of you discovering that there was so much more. I love how I pretended to be something I’m not and allowed others to tell me who I was to be, only to discover that I was waiting beyond the veil! How extraordinary! How remarkable that THIS was a part of the game all along; a fundamental mechanism in the matrix of the dream. And now I’ve seen it for what it is. What fun.
Love your ego by whispering to it in the darkest of nights that it’s alright; there’s nothing to be scared of. As you put yourself in the flow of loving by putting your attention on things you love you have given yourself free reign to discover the many other parts of yourself, and they are just endless.
It’s such a gift to give yourself the permission to enter your inner forest, and while it does take great courage it’s also so easy; like slipping out of a dark and dusty house out into the morning sunshine only to discover that the scent of flower blossom and the sound of nightingales singing are waiting there to greet you. Love the imperfection of yourself in this moment and know in truth that there is no perfection.
Perfection is you in this moment, attempting to discover and explore the limitlessness of yourself. Perfection has already been achieved and actually was a mirage in the first place. The joy of the desert and all its contrasts is where you really want to be.
Increase the joy in relationships with others
“The first duty of a man is to think for himself.” ~ José Martí
Once we have mastered the revolution of self love, we will be ready to let another person join in the mix; we will be ready to fall in love again. In the first throws of love; both in falling in love and being in love you are putting your attention on what you most love about that person and therefore receiving great warm waves of unadulterated love.
You are basking in it. And this never needs to stop. It’s only because we stop putting our attention on what we love or get bored of what we love (oh dear, the revolutionary revelation of our greatest fault – we LIKE suffering – eek!) that we stop experiencing it. It is our choice. And we have halted the flow of love by tossing it away, but also by not allowing it to be reflected inwards.
By being in the flow of love towards the other it automatically begins shining back in towards us, right? But as soon as we block that inevitable flow in by only flowing out, we cut off half the circulation therefore halting it completely.
When you understand it like this you’ll kick yourself for doing this time and time again (before we realize that the revolutionary mate we are so close to finding is the one who will also be ready to have several renewable relationships with us the moment we discover how to continue the circulation by flowing in and out simultaneously). And if you are in a relationship and you and your mate discover this wonderful nugget of insight before it gets stale, then you’ll be able to renew the relationship without the need for any drama at all.
So the next time you experience love from another, instead of panicking and trying to tie knots in the outward flow, remember to flow love inwards as well as find new things to focus your outward flow onto.
I love the way my partner’s eyes crinkle when they smile, I love the way I desire and am moving into an adult relationship based on balance. I love the way he/she jumps out of bed ready for the day, I love the way I take my time and slowly build up to and arrive at my intention for the day.
You can choose to enjoy contrast and surrender the instinctual need to place barriers and rules on everything you are perceiving. These rules only suffocate the flow and you’ll rebel against them eventually so why bother?
Self love means choosing to be in the flow of life rather than trying to walk upstream with Source laughing at your foolishness. And when you find within yourself the courage to even start ON the journey of self love, then that is the day you become a revolutionary. That is the day you allow yourself to shine.
“If I can’t dance to it, it’s not my revolution.” ~ Emma Goldman