‘You weren’t meant to just survive abuse… you were meant to thrive!’ ~ Melanie Tonia Evans
There’s no place as triggering for someone with unhealed traumas, than the workplace. It can be fraught with injustice, mind-numbingly dull, and a place where we test our human connections to the max.
And not only that… WORSE than all that. As poisonous as a snake who wraps their coils through our precious life-force and squeezes until we scream for mercy. It can be the perfect hunting ground, no, the ideal environment, for a narcissist to thrive.
They multiply in the workplace! They absolutely love it! For reference, a narcissist in my book is someone who is unconscious of their own traumas, and will therefore project them onto you. How it goes, is this. You meet someone new, they love you, a bit too much.
You then begin to see another side to them, and by the time you’re out of the friendship, after much draining and feelings of unworthiness, which only get stronger with time, you learn that they’ve been smearing you behind your back since the moment you met them.
Those looks of disgust from across the office, those outlandish assumptions made by others you have no idea where they got them from, those hurt and unfair claims made against you, all of it came from them, or even a group of them, who just seem to HATE you.
But this is not going to be a negative article which focuses on how annoying, life-draining and even life-threatening Narcissists can be. And this is coming from someone who still has Narcissists in their lives, oh yes. Damn, this is coming from someone who had narcissists coming out of their ears for their whole life!
This is coming from someone, who almost lost their life to a narcissist. Sounds dramatic doesn’t it? But it’s true! My poor heart would have clear given out, had I not escaped the moment I did. Believe me or not, before I caught on to the amazing Melanie Tonia Evans and her life-saving tools, I was a blubbering fool.
So wrapped up in the horrors that Narcissists made me feel, I was the worst version of myself. Actually, I was like the true self of the narcissist. A monster.
So, as an ongoing project with myself, to free up those embedded traumas which causes narcissists to be attracted to me, here are 5 meditations or steps I undertake when entering a new line of work or workplace (or school for your child, or art group, or library, or club, or church, or… any place or group where humans come together). And trust me when I say these meditations, or home truths to meditate ON, could save your life.
(Narcissists) ‘Are looking for lovely people with certain characteristics’Melanie Tonia Evans
The First Meditation to Help You Break Free from the Grip of Narcissism
When you’re sensitive, and you’re starting out in any group setting, have you ever noticed that it’s the narcissistic personalities who seek you out first? Did you ever notice that?
As you enter a new space, be in the body. And if that’s trying for you, notice what took you out of your body so you can work on it later. See this as a fun experiment, where every day you’re in the workspace, you’re carrying out this experiment.
Not only that, but you are aloud to call the shots. You can decide if it’s too much, you can block everyone around you if you’re having a rough day, you are here on your own terms.
When it gets tricky, I know, is when you become overwhelmed. Which brings us nicely on to the next meditation. But for number 1, remember. See it as an experiment, where you call the shots. You are in an illusion.
A computer game where fractals (or pixels?) are literally arising before you, in an attempt to gain your attention. The narcissist wants you to notice them. So don’t ignore them, but recognise the truth of it. Go meta, and see the strings.
The Second Meditation to Help You Break Free from the Grip of Narcissism
Grind the emotions you feel down to the basics. Catch yourself in overthinking, and put on the breaks. This is where it gets tricky. When the amygdala in our brains, otherwise known as the fight or flight centre, kicks in, you will literally be looking for exits and wanting to fly, freeze, or fight.
Think about what these reactions to the presence of a deadly tiger point to. Fly = Fear. So does Freeze. Fight = Anger, which is usually a cover up for fear. So what core emotion do narcissists cause you to feel? (It’s not actually anything to do with them, we’ll get on to this later).
But there are variations on the emotions, and it’s good to specify. Specifying will help your inner child, or the wounded one, feel heard and seen, increasing the chances of healing. In fact, it’s this self dishonesty which has got you into this mess in the first place.
Yet, don’t be too hard on yourself, as you are literally overcoming the fear of death, which shows how advanced you are (in a cyclical sense, it all comes back around), in the scheme of things.
Remember meditation 1: You are essentially experiencing this to heal these wounds through an illusive state. So congratulate yourself on going in to the lions den. It’s actually what you’re here for! You’re facing past life traumas head-on! Traumas where you may have been ripped to shreds, burnt at the stake, or generally mobbed. it’s actually no laughing matter. It’s tough. So well done.
The Third Meditation to Help You Break Free from the Grip of Narcissism
Past life traumas, and early life trauma will keep coming back to you until you deal with them. Simple as that. It’s a harsh truth, but truly realising this can actually be wonderfully empowering. Right? Because if you know what the obstacle is, you can free yourself from it.
So stay away from the narrative, but be with the emotions. Accept; I am feeling super terrified when I see this person.
Or maybe it’s unheard and invisible (again, a fear of death, often brought up by our parents ignoring and neglecting us in some way). Or perhaps you are feeling attacked. Relentlessly attacked. Because that’s usually what the presence of a narcissist signifies. That you are so focused out you’re missing all that important nourishing self love and focus that you desperately need.
So a conversation with God or Source is actually what is required. Source, through the Higher Self has everything you need. But being around narcissists is usually so terrifying and overwhelming, it can be a challenge to even get to this point of realisation.
So, go first to the core emotion lodged in the subconscious which is manifesting itself in your reality; (invisible, terrified, attacked, targeted, tricked etc) – all associated with death – and be with it for a while (this can be done alongside most mundane work, or in the regular breaks you’re going to give yourself.
But you’ll definitely feel it by the end of the day. You can help the feeling by holding it as a mother or father would, simply holding space for it and confirming it silently in your head. You feel terrified, you feel like you’re going to be destroyed. And then, you go to Source.
‘in a business context, the narcissist will purportedly have the smarts, experience, confidence and contracts that you don’t have.’Melanie Tonia Evans
The Fourth Meditation to Help You Break Free from the Grip of Narcissism
Read the above quote. And then, read it again. This is what you go to Source for. Because you don’t need to go to a narcissist for it. And if you’re attracting narcissists in the workplace, or any other area of your life, then it means that you’re missing something you should be getting from Source. Intelligence, business acumen.
The courage to stand up to authority. The cunning to play others against each other? No. Not the latter, because you’re better than that aren’t you? Narcissists present the dregs of human consciousness, the real playing-dirty, throwing mud and rolling around like pigs.
They’re like the devil; perfectly tempting they offer charm, seduction and power, not to mention riches, in exchange for your soul (or for you to take on their darkness for them.) Although they may seem like everything you need, they’re actually hollow spirits, who unfortunately need exactly what you need. Something from the outside. Only they’re you somewhere back on the circle – or rather, the spiral – back when you played dirty too.
So go to Source. Now this, even once you’ve waded through the huge junk of overwhelming emotions (by the way, if you’re still overwhelmed, ‘overwhelm’ can be a great place to start, because overwhelm can be a dangerous state to be in when you’re prey and a predator is after you.
You want to be calm, relaxed, and able to take the hits one at a time. Because when you don’t react to the wild and outrageous stories they’ve created about you, then they can’t hurt you anymore). So once you’ve dealt with the majority of those amygdala-triggered feelings, then you’ll want to look at what you’re missing.
A good example is with a producer I worked with about ten years ago. She was helping my dreams come true. She was EVERYTHING I needed (or thought I did.) But she started smearing me to others who mattered, pulled my financial support, or the promises of that, and expected me to work for free.
But more importantly, she made me give all of my best qualities to her. I felt sacrificed, bleeding, drained, enslaved, outraged, belittled, laughed at. She was laughing at my pain, and probably thought I was doing all the terrible things she was doing to me, to her.
But let’s not get into the mind of an N, because we’ll never get out again, giving them all the power they’re after. This is actually not a story of predator and prey, because you have as much power as they do. This story, is about YOU.
So what exactly are you looking for? Have a conversation with Source. The producer, as well as countless other FEMALE narcs, led me back to this life, where my inner four-year-old child was manipulated by a mother figure into suppressing my true self for her convenience. And what did she threaten me with?
Death, starvation and being outcast, triggering fear with a capital F. So what have I spent many weeks, months and even years building up for myself? Safety, security and acceptance, especially from that mother-energy. From the female element of Source.
Visualising being held by a red/pink/orange light, a mother energy for days on end, submerged my inner being in a much-needed bath of unconditional love. Which is exactly what I needed when I was presented with the tiger-mother figure. I could have given it to myself back then, when i was four. But I fell for the illusion. The rest is just noise.
The Fifth Meditation to Help You Break Free from the Grip of Narcissism
Everyone who comes in to your experience is there to teach you something, but there comes a point where you begin to see you’re just looking for the bad in others. This certainly has its place if you’re purging, but sometimes you just need to shift your focus.
Put up a wall of light to block those you don’t want to come in, and protect yourself. Say ‘I will only connect with those I like and approve of, and who treat me with respect.’ And every time you find yourself sliding back, be with Source.
It’s debatable whether the very presence of them means there’s still more work to do on yourself, so perhaps it’s the day when they no longer bother you, you need to look out for. But, as often is the case with an old soul like you, it’ll take a long time.
Another great tip is, at the end of a long line of lives being horribly abused, there’s usually you. You being the abuser I mean, you being the crazy, cruel or manipulative one you see in the narcissist.
They are seeing your unhealed (or more to the point unforgiven) self from that lifetime, and projecting it on to you until you wake up and start nurturing that fallen self. So holding and surrounding the wounded, guilty self inside YOU can be a sure-fire way to acknowledge and listen to the self who is really at the bottom of all this.
The psycho you’re manifesting in your reality, (think back to that spiral again).
‘If we aren’t self-partnered, we try to blame and shame ourselves into shape’Melanie Tonia Evans
But treat meditation 5 with caution, because that is really advanced stuff. Facing the darkness within should only be done with huge doses of self care, and a lot of understanding. Because that destructive behaviour brought on by workplace narcissists can be brutal, and it’s hard not to get caught up in it sometimes. And you will.
Keep these meditations as mantras for when you’re being driven to distraction with backbiting, smearing and the injustice of being blamed for the narcissist’s mistakes. Hold that inner self who did the same once, if you’re ready to believe that, or simply look at the emotions they bring up for you and find a way to connect with Source.
Pray and ASK for what you need. State ‘I feel…’, and ‘Please give me what I need…’ Joining a group where you can get that direct connection with Source can work wonders, or better yet join NARP, Melanie’s hugely successful programme that rids you of the traumas one-by-one.
You can do it! Imagine yourself in a year or two’s time, with a clear head and your warrior-heart back, able to take on those workplace narcissists head-on. I’ll see you there.
‘You Can Thrive After Narcissist Abuse’ by Melanie Tonia Evans