Why Do I Keep Meeting the Same type of Man or Woman?

Many people who come for my therapy sessions often ask me, “why do I keep meeting the same type of men or women? I only attract this type of relations that do not serve me in any way.” My initial response is that this is the masculine/feminine energy you are vibrating with and therefore manifesting it in your life.  

Everything in the universe is about vibrations – our thoughts, words and actions, and that attracts the people and situations in our life. 

Regardless of the gender, everyone has both masculine and feminine energy within themselves. There are many ancient cultures like Taoism, Tantra, ancient mythology from Egypt, as well as esoteric traditions that emphasize on balancing these energies, which means having our physical body and emotional health in sync.

The left side of the brain is connected to the masculine qualities: action, focus, logic. The right side of the brain is connected to the feminine ones: intuition, empathy, creativity. 

“But if you pay close attention, you will see that the most masculine man has a feminine soul, and the most feminine woman has a masculine soul.” ~ Carl Jung, Liber Novus

Carl Jung referred to these energies as the Anima and Animus. Becoming whole and embracing both our masculine and feminine energies is what he called the Individuation process. 

Derived from Latin, Anima means soul, spirit, life, breath, air, refers to the unconscious female dimension of a male. This feminine energy, Yin, is related to intuition, creativity, nurturing, compassion, tenderness. This means that for a man to be whole, he needs to cultivate his feminine energy.

Animus, on the other hand, is translated as mind, heart, willing, intellect, soul as thinking. This is the unconscious male dimension of a female. The masculine energy, Yang, is connected to logic, rational thinking, strength, assertiveness, action. For a woman to be whole as an individual, she needs to cultivate her masculine energy too. 

Identify the Masculine and Feminine energies within us

“If any human being is to reach full maturity both the masculine and the feminine sides of the personality must be brought up into consciousness.” ~ Mary Esther Harding

First, we need to identify those energies within us. In Taoism, this is explained as the Yin Yang; although those are not only the masculine and feminine energies, but life on Earth exists with its dual nature: darkness and light, cold and warm, positive and negative… 

In the Yin Yang symbol, you can identify the white dot in the black part and vice versa, which shows both sides are needed in order to be whole. For example, you need the white background on paper in order to read the black writing, similarly, we need to know darkness in order to recognize light; one is not better than the other, they are both necessary.  

Applying this to the energies within us: a man without a developed feminine side is not whole and probably will have issues in relationships with women, and the same applies to a woman who has not embraced her masculine side. This applies also to homosexual relationships because it is about energy and vibrational body, regardless of the sexual inclination.

Disconnected from inner energies

In ancient times, before monotheistic religions started to spread, our ancestors lived connected to the cycles of the Earth and to nature, so those energies naturally grew in them. There were women who were hunters and men were painters, there were also male and female shamans, according to recent anthropologic studies (see books like The great Cosmic Mother by Sjöömor, and its bibliography). 

The fixed vision of the male-hunter and woman-mother is no longer valid, as more and more evidence tells us of a different paradigm. They organized themselves as it was the best for their tribe and the common good. The modern western society is driven by emphasis on masculinity, for both men and women. We focus on competition, logical mind, destruction of the environment and profit-making. 

This is an example of an imbalanced masculine energy in the collective unconscious. As a result of this, many women suffer from a negative animus within themselves, as they have not accepted their natural female side. These imbalances would lead to controlling tendencies towards others, criticisms, destructiveness and insensitivity. 

Whereas, males disconnected from their feminine side tend to show aggression, dictatorial behavior, coldness, and pure rational view of life, without any spiritual purpose. 

Ways of cultivating the feminine energy

“What is the most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine.” ~ Susan Sontag

  • Practising some creative exercises like painting, drawing, cooking etc. 
  • Meditating with movement like gentle dancing, without any style in particular. 
  • Spending time in nature, listening and connecting more to sounds, smells, appreciating the beauty of flowers and other elements.
  • Allowing yourself to rest and not get obsessed with profits. 

Ways of cultivating the masculine energy

  • Playing sports like running and physical exercises for strength. 
  • Learning to set healthy boundaries  (we tend to feel guilty for saying ‘no’). 
  • Connecting to male warrior movements like New Zealand’s ancient Haka dance.
  • Working on your weekly schedule and tasks, trying to put goals for your work and achieve them as much as you can without getting distracted. 

“The shadow can be realized only through a relation to a partner, and anima and animus only through a relation to a partner of the opposite sex, because only in such a relation do their projections become operative.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung

If we want to live a fully rewarding life, we should learn first how to live in balance within our inner world in order to be in balance in relationships, in society and also with the environment and nature. Cultivating both sides of our inner nature is so important during our lifetime, to feel happier and to find more meaningful partners and friends- and finally to live in coherence with our home planet Earth. 

Anima and Animus ~ Eternal Partners from the Unconscious

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