“For there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one’s own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.” ~ Milan Kundera
Having perhaps experienced the worst ways to ‘have’ empathy, you are slowly but surely building a better relationship with yourself and finding more positive ways to be and deal with the daily challenges of being an empath.
You may have just had glimpses of these, or they may already be a solid part of your interactions. Either way, here are some signs that you are already being or are moving into the best ways of being an empath:
Having recognized that we are all a part of a collective consciousness, setting healthy boundaries is an essential. If you already do this, then you’ll know that centering yourself and not succumbing to the projections that others project onto you is a daily battle, but one you can become well versed in given a little time and good intention. Setting boundaries is a tricky one as, having put up layers of armor for years to protect yourself, the understanding that you need to do precisely the opposite can take a while to get your head around.
Letting down the barriers in order to avoid attracting negativity through your own fear of it can take some guts, but opening the flood gates may not be as terrible as you might think. Being authentic and the soft and loving person you really are actually attracts those positive vibes you are seeking, and while it may take a few days or weeks to get going – like a wheelbarrow that is stiff at first then picks up speed after those one or two difficult turns of the wheel, the positivity will come flowing in if you are consistently let the boundaries down.
Having said that, the moment someone does try to take advantage, or convince you to go against your own truth, simply viewing them do this without victimization can be incredibly freeing. Taking yourself (or your ego) out of the picture and witnessing them play out their old mechanical patterns of ego protection will help you A: Not take it personally, and B: reflect it back to them.
We are One
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” ~ Wendy Mass.
In lowering yourself from your lofty heights – your fortress protected with heavy plated walls – you’ll find that people are still people and not much unlike yourself. Lowering your armor is like freeing yourself from the grip of the ego and simply imagining all the things going through people’s heads and marveling at all the human activity going on around you at this very minute can work wonders on your rusty strings of compassion and humility.
Doing exactly that whilst having a conversation or while they are projecting those (very personal) fears of theirs onto you will immediately reflect back to them what they are doing. Stripping away deceit to the truth is ultimately more effective that what your ego has been trying to do in hiding behind more layers of deceit.
Getting your own back has never felt so good and been so spiritually wholesome – you are helping them see their own deceit (this can be painful and they are likely to resist but at least you’ve done the right thing), whilst sending them the inevitable love that will be flowing from your heart chakra in the recognition that – We are all one.
Be the Best Version of Yourself
Being the best version of yourself can also be a wonderful way to combat the dregs of pity being an empath can find you entwined in. Transcending the details and avoiding dealing problems with analysis of the mind takes one simple leap: I have been made this way for a reason, I am good, I deserve love… whatever the mantra that works for you, find one and tell it to yourself every time you begin to feel swallowed up by those pity pangs.
Being the best version of yourself attracts the law of attraction… People will immediately respond, not in a battle of one-upmanship, but in an honest look at where they could do better. Empaths often fall into the trap of being the scapegoat – the one everyone compares themselves to as ‘at least I’m not in as much of a ditch as so and so’. They secretly know how wonderful you are, and how wonderful they could be – their game of comparison is only a way to avoid their own marvelous-ness and shine a light on the distractions of the ego, on I’m better than you.
Being the best version of yourself immediately paves the way for others. Don’t be afraid to be that person.
Avoid the Details
Not succumbing… every time not succumbing means being present and not falling into your own traps of analysis and mind preaching. Not getting hung up on why people try to drag you down can be such a challenge for the empath because we do feel everything and it’s not something that turns off after the first triumph.
The bizarre thing is that, in sensing and experiencing another’s jealousy, irritation and even hate, in our desire to protect them we take on these emotions ourselves and then believe we are the jealous irritants who feel dislike for our fellow creatures.
Locating which emotions are yours and which ones came from someone else can be a long and sticky process, but we must remember that we did it out of love and not feel resentment – who wouldn’t chose to get rid of these feelings if someone was offering their empathy services free of charge?! After all, being an empath can be a little like having a ‘kick me’ sign stuck to our backs.
In witnessing others offloading and sending out an energy sign that says – they are not my emotions, they’re YOURS is much more likely to draw that person’s attention to their own feelings and begin to deal with them in a more honest way.
Own your Own
Having recognized our own emotions on a daily basis, we can begin to recognize other’s emotions and reflect them back to them rather than absorb. Being honest about our own emotions; how we’re feeling from moment to moment should be at the top of this list. But, often the empath – having experienced and taken on other’s emotions for so long often has no idea what they’re feeling and which ones belong to them.
Often we have to go the long way around and reflect before we own our own. In picking apart which ones are yours and which ones are mine – basically through identifying the moments you feel uncomfortable or put upon in social interactions, can you begin to find your own emotions. I feel sad, I feel scared, I feel jealous… it’s OK. Once we own our own emotions we can take responsibility for them and redirect other’s to their own front door.
People may not like this new you – the one who doesn’t picks up their emotional garbage and give them an ego bath, but having gotten a grip of these more positive ways to be an empath can begin to transform (your own) and other’s darkness into pure light. Though others may find you a threat to their fragile egos… only you are responsible for the path you tread and no-one is going to thank you for tiring yourself out by carrying them. You have chosen a higher path. Don’t be afraid to walk it.