“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do or say is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Ok, so it would be impossible to go through life without ever taking anything personally or blaming someone for something, but we can eventually get to the point that blaming others for our life’s circumstances and seeing ourselves as victims is not our “go to” perspective.
As our ego begins to form in our younger years we begin to see how the need for control and power (or the opposite, the desire for no control and power which translates to victimhood) in our interpersonal relationships plays out.
There are several reasons why some ego structures adopt the mask of “victim”, a couple of them being: lack of confidence in oneself, afraid to lose control (which causes them to hold on to their illusion of control so tightly that anything that goes array is always blamed on someone else) or even fear of our own power (which causes us to want to place it in the hands of another so that we never have to make big decisions or changes in our lives).
It doesn’t really matter what the reason is, but whenever we fall into this mindset, what we are really doing is setting ourselves up for failure, disappointment, and eventually misery. When we have completely disempowered ourselves and handed our power over to someone else we most certainly will come to a point where we will encounter frustration and anger.
As Steve Maraboli said, “How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off yourself defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.” In order to come out of victim mentality we are required to adopt two very important traits within ourselves that will help us first identify if we are playing the victim in a particular circumstance.
If we have come to the conclusion that we are playing the victim we must be able to energetically rise above it to a level of consciousness that will help us break out of it.
“When you complain you make yourself the victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it, all else is madness.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Being a victim of life or other people’s behavior can happen so sneakily that we may not even have any clue that we are doing it. In order to identify if we are, we must have something called inner integrity, which means being completely honest about our own experience without attaching a “because” to it.
For example, we may be used to saying something like: “I am angry because she didn’t call me back” or “I am sad because you hurt my feelings.”
And while on a certain level of consciousness this may feel true that other people, or circumstances are causing our negative emotions, it is actually not entirely the case. As we raise our awareness we come to a point where we begin to see that all of life is happening not only through us but also for us.
What this means is we are actually encountering people, places, and things that are acting as the catalysts to draw forth the emotions inside of us that have yet to be healed.
So while it may seem that someone is to blame for our, let’s say, anger, a more expanded level of consciousness will show us that we have attracted the perfect set of circumstances to show us that we still have some unhealed anger in our emotional body that needs to be addressed.
And as we feel it we are actually healing it because the light of our awareness and the actual feeling of any emotion (to completion) is what allows us to move past any unresolved feelings. When we allow ourselves the freedom to be with the truth of our reality, we feel an emotion without creating a story behind the emotion (which is whatever we would put behind the “because” in our story), we empower ourselves to deal with emotions head on.
We also energetically begin vibrating from a higher state, one that is grateful for all circumstances that prompt us to feel anything because we are now seeing that all emotions are being healed as they are being felt by us. This higher vibration then allows us to be in a more expanded and loving place more often than not.
Use love as your only weapon
“Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.” ~ Joseph Joubert
If we think about some of the spiritual masters such as Buddha, Jesus, Dalai Lama, etc., we find people who did not need to exert force over anyone, yet were never caught blaming another person for anything.
Why is that? Why is it that these spiritual masters could be completely centered in their own being while people hurled insults and slurs at them yet they could walk away completely unaffected and probably even blessing those that insulted them?
The reason these gurus were able to do this was because they knew that love is actually the only thing that truly has “power”. When a being has gotten to the point where they have not only unconditionally loved themselves, but only dish out blessings and love to others a confidence emerges within them that allows them to humbly accept everyone exactly as they are.
When we recognize the innocent heart behind every angry person as only a cry for help and love we stop jumping to finger pointing or violence as our defense mechanism and instead only use love as an offering to these people.
By seeing things this way, we start to recognize that anytime we are treated poorly by another person (and no this is not an excuse to put up with being physically or mentally abused by someone, our safety must always come first) they are not really attacking us personally but rather they are showing us just how much pain they are in.
When people are in pain they act out, and as our levels of awareness begin to rise even further past victim mentality we realize that all people deserve our love and the ones who are mean deserve it more.
Over time as we use the tools of being completely honest with ourselves about what we are experiencing in our hearts and using love as our only “defense mechanism” we will begin to see that we are actually healing those around us that normally would have been able to victimize us with their behavior. It’s as if our loving energy, empathy and compassion is giving them the excuse to relax into their emotions without blaming anyone.
Also, our complete confidence in our love power will send their inner “bully” running for the hills because in all of our deepest levels of intuition we know that love is the only weapon with true power. And when a being that normally uses scare tactics and fear to overpower others meets a being who only has love to give, their darkness, in a moment of complete surrender and energetic defeat, fades away.