Understanding the Five Love Languages

love-android-jones If you’ve never heard about the 5 Love Languages here’s a short explanation: everyone expresses their love in a certain way.

This means that we also receive love in a certain way.

Sometimes in relationships, we are receiving love from our partner, but if it’s not in our language then we may not appreciate, or possibly even feel loved. The best love that can be shown is the language of the receiver.

Think about our actual languages. If you try explaining something to someone who speaks a foreign language, you will not get very far once you’ve exhausted all universal gestures.

The same is true with the love languages, in order to understand each other you must understand what language each of you are speaking.

Look at the 5 different love languages and find out what you, or your loved one needs to feel loved. (Keeping in mind that it’s a spectrum, with all languages being appreciated, but one or two more important than the others in order to feel loved.)

Words of Affirmation

If your love language is words of affirmation, then you will give and receive love through words. You want to hear your loved ones say “I love you,” and “I appreciate you” etc.

Nothing is more satisfying than when you do something of value and someone notices. A simple “thank you” when you’ve done something for someone is the most rewarding.

love-relationshipsIf your partner seems to be rejuvenated by the words that you give them, then their love language may be words of affirmation. Tell them how you feel about them. Write them a love letter. Don’t be scarce, because each word means the world to them.

Acts of Service

If your main love language is acts of service, then you will appreciate it most when a person shows you their love by doing things for you; such as helping you clean, making you a meal, or anticipating your needs by asking you what you need. The best act of love for you is if you come home and your partner has made the bed or set up dinner.

If your partner’s love language is acts of service you can surprise them with any of these things that take the pressure or work load off their plate, or just put it out there that you would like to help, with a simple “what can I do/ get for you?” It may seem a little awkward to ask at first, but your loved one will surely feel loved and cared for when you extend your hand to help.

Quality Time

If your main love language is quality time, you simply want to spend time with your loved one. Talking and finding out more about your partner is what makes you feel loved and more connected.

As a person whose love language is quality time, the best is when I can spend time with my loved ones uninterrupted, just sitting, talking without phones; maybe sprinkle in some eye contact and undivided attention and I’m in heaven. A good outing with your partner can also give you the loved feeling of spending quality time.

If your partner likes to spend quality time with you, set aside some time for them where you are not busy with anything else. Little things like stopping what you’re doing when they’re talking, or setting a date for you two, can go a long way. Those with a quality time love language are usually great listeners and want to feel the same in return.

Physical Touch

If your love language is physical touch you will feel most cared for with a hug, a kiss, or hand holding.

You will find that you feel closer with people who extend a hug toward you, and you show other people you care by a hug, or a touch on the shoulder etc.

You may have been told that you are very touchy, but it’s because this is how you show your love. Where others may say “I love you,” you will extend a tender touch to say the same thing.

If your partner’s language is physical touch, know that every touch for them is the equivalent of saying “I care about you,” so don’t put up physical boundaries, and give them lots of hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Make sure you have a solid chunk of time for intimacy, or just time to hold them and trace each other’s bodies.


If your love language is gifts, you will love receiving gifts and surprises as much as the next person, but it will probably hold some more sentimentality to you than other things. A trip to the store will include thoughts such as “Oh, Sarah loves these, I should surprise her and get her some.”

And cleaning out your closet will induce such phrases as “But it was a gift from my aunt, I can’t possibly throw that out.” It will also mean that a gift or a surprise from a loved one will get you right in the heart.

If your loved one’s language is gifts make sure to surprise them with little tokens, whether it’s as simple as a rose, or a gift that shows you know what they like; they will get the message “He/she was thinking of me and stopped their day to get me this. They must really care about me.”

I hope that knowing your love language and that of your loved ones, helps you give and receive love in the best way possible.

Love languages

Image source
Android Jones
John Burden

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  • Ester Eckhaus is a freethinking, philosophizing, spiritual being; focused on self-awareness, and helping people reach their highest selves. She is a poet, currently working on her first poetry compilation to be published soon. She lives and loves in Jerusalem, where she is starting a new chapter in life.

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