“What you resist, persists.” ~ Carl Jung
Humans are fallible creatures and in our daily life we often come across people who trigger negativity in us or we don’t get along with but must tolerate.
Instead of focusing only on the negative aspect of that particular relationship or the reaction it evokes, it is better to understand the negative dynamics of the situation and how we might be transferring our own unconscious behavior on others.
The law of attraction relates to the fact that we often attract things, people and situations in our lives based on our thoughts and attitude. Some annoying quality in other people activates some aspect of ourselves that needs our attention.
So whatever we don’t own about ourselves we project onto other people.
Debbie Ford further explained this in her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, “We see only that which we are. I like to think of it in terms of energy. Imagine having a hundred different electrical outlets on your chest. Each outlet represents a different quality. The qualities we acknowledge and embrace have cover plates over them. They are safe; no electricity runs through them. But the qualities that are not okay with us, which we have not yet owned, do have a charge. So when others come along who act out one of these qualities they plug right into us.”
According to Jungian archetypes the ‘shadow’ is the darker side of our psyche or those unconscious characteristics which are repressed by the conscious mind and considered unfit for exposure to the outside world.
Our shadow is closely related to our projections, and because we are unable to see the shadowy aspect of our own personality, we project them onto other people.
Here are five ways to deal with people you dislike –
1) Become aware of qualities you detest
The first step to navigating these tricky relationships is becoming aware of the qualities you find ugly or unacceptable in others, write down a list if that helps. Then, realise that these are qualities that might also exist within yourself. Make peace with these qualities, both within and without.
2) Identify and accept
Identifying the reason why they are irritating you and accepting that each person is fundamentally different & unique and to expect another to be like us is an irrational demand.
“If you recognize that there is only one like this, it is such precious material, how can it irritate you? Just turn around and see, people sitting next to you are absolutely unique human beings. There isn’t another one like that.. Never before, never again on this planet. Where is the question of irritation? You’re blind, that is why you are irritated,” ~ Sadhguru.
3) Change your way of thinking
Often when we dislike someone, we have a tendency to see them in black or blue colors of hatred and contempt. These feelings make us biased towards them and we don’t appreciate anything and everything they say or do.
In a situation when it is difficult for you to control the negative emotions, ask yourself simple questions like, ‘will it matter to me after a year?’ or ‘what if I’ before reacting or feeling frustrated.
For example, if your boss is shouting at you for any reason, think will it matter to you after five years from now, or what if you focus on positive alternatives instead. This approach will divert your attention and empower you, instead of making you feel helpless.
4) Pause & think
Before you, try making a conscious decision to. From this pause, you’ll be better able to proceed with a mind and heart that are at least slightly more open.
‘Pause’ is a powerful word when it comes to dealing with people you do not like. Stop, take a deep breath and replay the situation in your mind or give yourself space and time to consider the outcome or consequence of your reaction.
Make a conscious effort to put the judgment on hold for a second and think with a clear mind and heart.
5) Positive annoyance
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Carl Jung
As mentioned earlier, we attract people in our lives with similar qualities as ours. Is it just the negative in others that annoys you or the positive as well? Sometimes we are ticked off by other people’s positive qualities as well.
For example, your friend might be over polite or kind towards others, which might come across as a way to be more liked by others. But what if this is a quality you want to own but are resisting in some way or the other?
If someone’s positive attributes annoy you, it is time you look within and use that annoyance as a tool to become a better person.
So the next time you find yourself in a situation with a person you dislike, be it anybody, try to search for similar attitude or qualities inside yourself. When you acknowledge those unacceptable parts of your personality, the need for justification and hostility towards that person will drastically reduce and you will be able to understand yourself and others better.
Remember, revenge will not lead to eternal gratification, peace of mind would, and the only person you can change is yourself.