Emotional intelligence comes in many forms; a degree of self-awareness, an ability to process other people’s emotions, and an ability to manage our emotions and respond to them.
Instead of doing an emotional intelligence test, a way of quantifying your emotional ability as one would do so for their IQ – why not check yourself against these five attributes of the emotionally intelligent to see how you measure up. And if you find this is an area you need to work on, you might even find a few solutions.
Remember, the bigger the ego the higher the purpose. So for all those bright shining beings out there yet to release the true extent of their brilliance on the world, this might be just perfect for you.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
You Are In Touch With Your Emotions on a Daily Basis
Not only that, but one huge attribute of emotional intelligence is a consistent and fluid relationship with yourself. You are able to recognize and accept your emotions, however ugly or confusing they appear to be.
Like a nurturing and loving parent must speak to a child to reinforce the learning of unconditional love and acceptance, so the inner voice becomes developed and sensitive; able to continue to nurture the object of its attention.
If the voice is not kind, the emotionally intelligent one watches it. Detaching from its desperation; its projections and manipulative streak, the observer of the voice sees it for what it is – a regurgitation of past insults, labels and thoughtless words mashed up to represent some sort of distorted self.
You are aware of it, and you’re able to change it. You slowly, slowly reform those words from hate, to love. During this long but highly rewarding process, the emotionally intelligent one also observes – experiences – the stuck emotions break free and dissipate. You allow these loosened memories to wash over you and experience the raw experience of that emotion, finally putting it to rest.
You Respect Yourself Enough to Walk Away
The emotionally intelligent person excludes themselves from drama, and from those who create it. Gossip, engaging in energy sapping or addictive activities, emotionally abusive parents; all are put to rest and disengaged from energetically and emotionally. Physical disengagement and distance can be a trap we fall into when we are not being emotionally intelligent. Physical distance from these dramas is illusionary. Perhaps it is necessary for a time, but ultimately one can never escape; if only in attitude and perspective.
People who create drama are unavoidable. How will we ever help them by shrugging them off and labeling them with similar negatives? After all, they’re just mirrors reflecting back what we need to work on within ourselves, they can’t really be blamed. The emotionally intelligent person simply encounters them with a smile. An open heart and a loving smile.
If the drama centres around an abusive partner or parents – which, let’s face it, these addictions probably always come back to – then the detachment can be ever more difficult to enforce. But, at the end of the day, the emotionally intelligent person does so, removing themselves from victim status and becomes empowered for perhaps the first time in their lives.
You Examine Your Core Beliefs
The emotionally intelligent person has dug; deeply and carefully into their selves, making sure that their core beliefs are in top condition, and consistently replenished.
Drama, feeding on analysis, doubt and the externalization of our problems keeps us distracted from those core beliefs that feed the drama and have us in constant limbo and lack of focus in our lives. The emotionally intelligent one has cut straight to the core and served themselves with a huge dose of honesty; if your core beliefs aren’t up to scratch, then it’s time to change them.
In cognitive behavioural therapy the idea is to change the behaviours that are reinforcing those beliefs. If positive actions create positive thoughts, and positive thoughts create a positive character and therefore a positive destiny. Then it really is worth investing in your habits.
Just as we give our minds an anchor in meditation, lending our behaviour pure awareness brings about change and shines a loving light on what negative core beliefs we may be holding dearly to our hearts.
As we would speak kindly to a child who is putting themselves down, we slowly rewrite that internal dialogue until it speaks more kindly to us. The emotionally intelligent person has done so, and continues to work on the adult voice that dominates our early development, taking it under their wing and ultimately taking charge.
You Keep Your Own Cup Refilled and Put Yourself First
Just as they examine and rewrite their core beliefs, the emotionally intelligent one treats themselves to a love bath throughout the day; keeping their cup refilled and overflowing. In this detached (but highly loving) state they examine everything that comes their way; people, tasks, requests, stress, and deal with it in a way that doesn’t threaten their central core of love and self respect. Saying no when required, sending people who threaten to drink their cup packing (with a smile of course), plus replenishing that cup when it gets weary or low.
As Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”
Having Walked Away From Drama You Live The Life You Dream Rather Than Dream About The Life You Want
Having practised keeping that cup full the emotionally intelligent person can now address the life they want to live. De-cluttering and clearing out anything that doesn’t serve them, they do what scares them. (I mean, come on – they’ve faced down their core beliefs… what could be scarier than that?)
People with high EQ honour every day as if it were their last and combine practicality with expressing their true selves.
They do what they came here to do and, if that doesn’t leave much time for anything else then – having learnt to start small with their habits and rituals when they were rewriting their destiny – they do the same with setting their goals.
They become a results maker, simply by attracting more of what they want day to day; saying yes to things they would never have dreamed of before and opening themselves up to joy.