“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” ~ Maya Angelou
Being emotionally available is a trait that can enrich our lives greatly. It firstly allows us to have an authentic relationship with our own selves and heart. And consequently, it translates into fulfilling relationships with friends, family and partners.
Also, emotional availability relates to our self-improvement or spiritual journey allowing us to make peace with all emotions. Not just the ones that are socially acceptable or comfortable to feel.
So what does being emotionally available mean?
Below are 6 traits of an emotionally available person.
1) They’re not afraid to feel
“How can you be afraid to feel? Isn’t fear a feeling? If you are feeling fear you’ve felt one of the most negative emotions there is to feel. Everything else should be a piece of cake. Feel good, feel happy, feel healthy, feel loved, feel abundant, feel creative, feel compassionate, feel knowledge, feel powerful.” ~ Bashar
On some level we all run from painful emotions. No one ‘wants’ to feel heartbreak, grief, sadness, or anger. But emotionally available people realize that it’s inevitable sometimes, and when they are stuck somewhere or with someone they are not happy with, they’ll leave.
The threat of the painful emotion isn’t scary enough to stay in a situation where they are no longer happy. Sometimes our only option is to just sit in our emotion and feel them, without trying to distract our self with something else. Emotionally available people are able to do this more easily than those that are emotionally unavailable.
2) They are in touch with their emotions
You’ve probably met someone who doesn’t seem to know how they feel about something. You may have asked them, “how do you feel in regards to…” and they most likely answered, “I have no idea..” To an emotionally available person this answer seems almost preposterous. “You don’t know how you feel about something?? How can that be,” they would most likely think.
Emotionally available people are well-versed in their emotions, they can decode even the slightest shift in their own energy field and are able to pinpoint (maybe after some processing time) what emotion they are feeling in the moment.
Another huge sign of an emotionally available person is someone who knows why they feel how they feel, and why they do what they do. Often those who have suppressed emotions have no idea that their irritation or anger is stemming from a deep rooted fear or subconscious belief.
Ultimately, all emotions are stemming from something we believe about ourselves or about life. An emotionally available person is able to take the journey inside their own psyche to find the source of each emotion that arises.
3) Relationships are mostly calm and stable
“She didn’t know who would leave or stay so she pushed them all away.” ~ Unknown
Since emotionally available people feel all emotions without fear, they do not enjoy being in emotionally turbulent partnerships. And while it is normal for all relationships to experience some challenges, those with an emotionally available person are often peaceful and mature.
Often their emotionally blocked off counterparts (emotionally unavailable) struggle with constant hot and cold feelings towards their partner. And usually, their feeling is the exact opposite of how their partner feels. For example, when their partner is trying to make a connection with them, they are cold.
But when their partner is ready to leave or is losing interest, they suddenly want to re-connect. Whereas the emotionally available person enjoys having a partner in which the feelings are completely mutual and reciprocated at the same time.
4) Express themselves freely
“Be as open as air. Unrestricted and rid all insecurities. Transparency wins hearts.” ~ Unknown
Those that are available emotionally have no problem sharing their most intimate feelings and thoughts with their partner or those closest to them. They have no problem explaining themselves, expressing their desires, or emotions freely.
While unavailable people are most often very secretive or scared to share their true selves with anyone, emotionally available people enjoy sharing these parts of themselves with the people they care about.
5) Don’t use blame and projection as a go-to defense mechanism
“Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness.” ~ Albert Einstein
Our ego has a funny way of projecting some of its own perceived ‘negative’ qualities on people in our lives. Often an emotion or trait that we have judged as ‘wrong’ or less than desirable, is projected on to someone else so we don’t have to own it as our own.
Emotionally unavailable types who are disconnected from their own emotions often use the tactics of blame and projection when they are upset about something. In reality, this is them trying to wake themselves up to unhealed aspects of their own hearts but they may not know how to see this at first.
However, emotionally available people are generally very honest (even if it’s just with themselves). On some level, they know that nothing that happens is anyone’s ‘fault’, but rather stemming from their perception of a situation.
This perspective is generally used to bring some sort of awareness to a part of themselves or their lives that may need healing or attention.