“In a child’s eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.” ~ N.K. Jemisin, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms
Mother is key. We see our mother as a goddess, and this may be our biggest mistake. As a child, we are in awe of her, true. We are consumed by how beautiful or deadly she is and become hypnotized by it. We forget her humanity. We want to look past her frailty, her vulnerability. And we want to see perfection.
In Family Constellations, Bert Hellinger urged people who came to have one done, to forgive their mother. He lectures that to forgive mother, is to forgive life. And without that, you have resistance. You have a slow death.
In Internal Family Systems therapy, the mother is seen as our access to innate creativity, the father how we get that creativity out into the world. And through speaking to our many selves, (or trapped selves – think trauma and where emotion was not fully expressed in childhood and beyond), we can gain insight into where we need to loosen the bonds to whatever rigid thinking we found ourselves at in those former years.
But, as with trauma, our connection to our mother lies in the body. Embedded in muscle and sinew, patterned in our internal organs, written in our blood. The echo of mother can be visceral; it can be problematic and cause us to double up. It can make our hearts feel as though blood were leaking from them. It can cause us to ache in the womb, or, for men, in the body-memory of yearning. Yearning for connection. Yearning for love.
Think you have a healthy connection to mother? Try these anyway. You may find yourself loosening something trapped, from long ago, in that eternally fascinating map of yours: The Body.
3 Practical Ways to Accept Mother:
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