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10 Things Children Can Teach Us

Life
Wisdom

Lauren

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April 19, 2015

You don’t have to have children to be aware of the many wonderful ways they can light up your life, or generally teach you more than any yoda might be able to… despite the similarity in size. Spending more time with children and being receptive as well as guiding them is like a meditation in itself.

Let’s take a look at 10 things children can teach us :

How to Let Go

The biggest ‘mistake’ that adults make in parent/adult-child situations and relationships is that the adult has all the answers. Our need to control and even have positive influence over a child directly reflects the egos need to be right. Kids will push our boundaries and push them to the limit, and as anyone who’s been around kids will know, the more you tell them not to do something, the more they will, even if it means having midnight feasts under the cover of darkness.

This is a glorious opportunity for it teaches us that we hold no control – real or imaginary – over anyone, and no-one has any control over us. The moment we surrender to this fact and work with it releases us from the responsibility of others (yes, even kids under our protection) and will probably help us confront the inner critic we are treating ourselves to.

Yes by all means cover up the electrical sockets they want to play with, but don’t stress too much about that chilli pepper they’re insisting on biting into. They have to experience things for themselves.

How to be Present

Time is a fascinating subject. Not only is the past, present and future apparently happening ‘simultaneously’ in a compressed and non-linear sequence, when one gets down to the purest mindfulness and that (becoming slightly hackneyed) expression ‘being in the moment’ authenticity, one becomes like a child. And it is for this reason that kids can help us to reach that kind of awareness, simply by spending time with them.

Innocence

Children really do say the sweetest and most innocent things. How amazing it would be to actually be like that, knowing what we know now? To assume nothing could hurt us, to feel protected by the bosom of the world and wrapped up in the caring grip of the universe outside of meditation or those rare moments where everything just clicks into place.

Innocence is where our creativity originally came from; from seeing things for what they are or the beauty in the smallest fragment of the world such as a bird’s nest full of speckled eggs or a kingfisher make a dive.

Of course they also shine up our embarrassments with their tooth-achingly innocent perceptions. My second cousin used to do things like loudly ask on a train-ride into London why that man in the suit across from us was picking his nose.

Let’s remember our sense of humour here. The poor man went crimson, but it probably taught him not to take himself so seriously… And not to pick his nose in public again.

How to Play

An extension of ‘how to be present’, kids, without fail, are masters of play. Remember when playtime (now called ‘my job or career’) was simply doing what interested you at that particular moment and becoming so absorbed and fascinated in it until it was no longer interesting and then you stopped? Do you remember playing for hours down by the river or in the attic so that time stood still and you were literally transformed into another character or into a different time or place? How fantastic was that!

We reminisce how magical it was being young, but when you think about it, it really wasn’t so complicated or elevated as all that. We were just true to ourselves in every moment of the day. And THAT was why we (and the children we’re nagging or telling off) didn’t want to listen. Their hearts told them what was right and wrong, no-one else.

What Really Matters

Are you going to go on and on about what is bad and good or are you just going to get over it and enjoy yourself? Are you going to just sit around the whole day long or are you going to dig your teeth into every moment and be absorbed in the world? Are you going to guard yourself in fear over past hurts in every interaction you’re blessed with or are you going to use it as an opportunity to show your love?

How to Love

Kids do have a remarkable gift for reminding us how simple it is to open our hearts up and just love. They hand cuddles out like candies and it’s been many occasion when a child has spontaneously hugged me and made me feel rosy. Perhaps they sensed I needed it, but I feel like more than anything else they were so eaten up with love they reached out and grabbed the first person they could find.

How to Have Compassion

It’s usually the conversation about where meat comes from and why we eat animals… or it could be the one about the homeless person in the street. It might also be in those beginning few interactions they have; in seeing someone is being left out in the game or that not everyone has an apricot. Kids seem to have this antennae, this innate and unspoiled sensibility for the underdog.

General Tolerance

If you’ve ever been a caretaker for one or more children then you’ll know that at times they can be intimidating. Not only that but they work in packs; setting each other off with non-verbal looks that seem to portray anything from one to ten on the mischief scale.

They seem to have a talent for winding you up; knowing just how to push your buttons and when. It’s as if they can see through the flaws in our egos and reach in to grab them, pulling strings here and there to transform us into antagonized puppets who perfectly dance to their tune. Well, perhaps they’re not all that bad. The point is they can be the compacted versions of everyone who has ever riled us concentrated into one little being; they are the jokers of the tarot pack, teasing us until we explode.

Who We Really Are

Kids are amazing mirrors, not so much for the bad stuff floating around our lives, but for the good stuff too.

They, with their innocent perceptions and unclogged-up energy states are able – not only to look deep into our eyes and therefore our heart and souls and see what deceptions we are laying out for ourselves – but also see our magnificence and authentic selves in all their glory.

We are awesome and wonderful beings, and every single one of us happens to be in equal measure, whether we’re showing it or not. Children are able to see through the layers of amour we have built around ourselves and therefore remind us that it’s still there.

The Teacher in Us

Last, but perhaps most importantly of all, children help coax out the teacher in us. As we’ve already covered, the best kind of teacher knows to show others the way and not dictate it to them, to guide and not to preach. But more than that, children give us the opportunity to find our inner wisdom.

The knowledge of how to take care of ourselves properly in the delayed gratification of saving the snacks on a walk to a picnic site, or how to dance like no-one’s watching. How to uncover what we truly love in life as well as how to show gratitude to others or speak to one another with kindness.

It’s a journey we can take together; adult and child on equal footing. In knowing and influencing a child we are given the gift of making a difference in their lives. I don’t know about you but I remember every adult that imparted wisdom to me or gave me the time of day if only for half an hour at a birthday party.

Make children feel special and as if they can make a difference. Because you never know, they just might.

Image Source
Children playing in water
Child in nature
Indigo child
Gibran poem

Five Superhuman Ways to Suck the Marrow out of Life

Life

Gary Z McGee

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April 18, 2015

0

Five Superhuman Ways to Suck the Marrow out of Life

“To change, a person must face the dragon of his appetites with another dragon, the life-energy of the soul.” ~ Rumi

Life has a way of slapping us across the face, but there’s nothing saying that we can’t slap it right back. In a world filled with people who incessantly play the victim, those few who are choosing to be warriors instead of victims shine all the brighter.

They are the ones sucking the marrow out of life. They are the ones who are rising above the cultural prescription of victimization and writing new chapters of heroism. Some of their tactics can seem almost superhuman. Here are five superhuman ways of them.

1) Master the Art of Vulnerability

“This moving away from comfort and security, this stepping out into what is unknown, uncharted and shaky — that’s called liberation.” ~ Pema Chödrön

Integrate into wholeness. Accept all that you are. All parts. Embrace the roller coaster ride of being a mind-body-soul going through the motions of change, from past to present, from sub-selves to core-self, from shadow to lover, from inner child to wise elder, from bamboozled victim to enlightened spirit warrior. Being vulnerable is being open.

Being open is embracing the complicated and painful multiplicity of being a Self engaging and communicating with a cosmos that is indifferent and selfless, and then realizing that you are just as much the selfless cosmos as you are your seemingly separate self. Indeed, you are just as infinite (noumenal) as you are finite (phenomenal).

Understand: it is okay to feel in a mind-body-soul built for feeling. It is okay to ache in a mind-body-soul that is fundamentally flawed. It is okay to hunger in a mind-body-soul built to yearn. Allow these feelings, these aches, these hungers to be the case, and life will not elude you. Suppress these, and life will forever evade your grasp and puppet you around. Vulnerability is not a mood or a feeling; it’s a place where shadow and light, fear and courage, hunger and satiation, love and loss, have learned to coexist.

Learn to coexist. Discover a space for coexistence, a space for vulnerability, a meditative space, a sacred space to connect your finite self with your infinite self. And then watch as your reality becomes infused with magic. Mastering the art of vulnerability is superhuman precisely because it is a process of being both numinous and transcendent (crushing pettiness and triviality), finite and infinite (fully present in the here & now), independent and interdependent (subsuming paradox).

Like Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in. It is the catalyst for courage, compassion, and connection.”

2) Shatter the Façade

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anais Nin

Look into a mirror, preferably a broken one. Look past your plethora of masks. Strip your soul naked, then love what’s left. Shed your too-thick skin. Imagine you’re a kundalini snake molting layers of self. Transform. Incarnate. Don new masks: Crow, Whale, Wolf. Realize that finding yourself is not an end or a beginning but a story unfolding itself.

Shattering the façade is realizing that everything is changing, nothing remains the same. There is no permanence except impermanence. Everything is moving in and out of itself. You are moving in and out of “yourself.” Let yourself move.

A façade is anything saying otherwise, anything fixed and rigid, anything unwilling to change and therefore forced into becoming a living deprivation, a wanton suppression. Shatter it. Break it across the world.

Smash it into a thousand pieces at the feet of all who wish to remain stagnant and complacent. Staple it to a wall and throw darts at it. Pull it down from any and all pedestals and then force it to dance in the abyss with you performing insouciant pirouettes.

Shattering the façade is superhuman precisely because it counterintuitively forces us out of our familiar skin and into unfamiliar skin. It automatically causes our comfort zone to become more elastic. It widens our emotional and psychological range while also enhancing imagination, causing us to have a more empathetic and humorous disposition toward life. It helps us to be less serious and more sincere as we shuffle through the million masks of God becoming God. As the poet G. K. Chesterton said…

“But now a great thing in the street
Seems any human nod,
Where shift in strange democracy
The million masks of God.”

3) Practice Existential Alchemy

“Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where we stand.” ~ Hayley Williams

Play like a kid in a sandbox full of stars. Perceive life as an infinite player playing so many finite games that it becomes an infinite progression of finite fun. Hug the universe. Hug the hurricane. Apologize for nothing but your seriousness.

Be sincere with your intent to transform mountains into molehills, small mind into big mind, self-importance into self-transformation, religious pseudo-power into authentic spiritual power. Do not doubt your ability to transform demons into diamonds, anxiety into laughter, Shadow into Phoenix, pain into strength, fear into courage, or hatred into forgiveness. Transformation is where your truest power lies.

Your disposition, your outlook, your temperament, is everything. Is it healthy and robust with a flexible sense of humor, or is it unhealthy and brittle with a rigid self-importance?

Existentialism is the superhuman power to choose meaning in an otherwise meaningless universe, to suffer responsibility in the face of an indifferent cosmos, to embrace an absurd world with high humor instead of assurance, to make and act upon your decisions despite decidaphobia. You are the architect of your existence.

Existential alchemy is a superpower precisely because it turns the tables on “supposed to.” We’re “supposed to” feel fear when saving a baby from a burning building, but we act courageous anyway and save that baby. We’re “supposed to” feel road rage at the car that just cut us off in traffic, but we act calmly so as not to cause an accident.

We’re “supposed to” ignore our shadow for fear of what secrets it hides, but we act by embracing our shadow so as to become more robust. We’re “supposed to” be jealous that our true love doesn’t love us but has found love with another, but we act with compersion and realize that true love means allowing others to love the way they need to love.

We’re supposed to hate those who have hurt us, but we act with forgiveness instead because hate is an acid that does more harm to us than to anyone else. Existential alchemy turns the tables on power itself, allowing us to get power over power. We become masters of Carpe Diem. Like Napoleon Hill said, “When your desires are strong enough you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve.”

4) Die a small death

“Die before you die. There is no chance after.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Death is not only an end; it is also a beginning. It can just as well imply a rite of passage. Think cocoon phase. Think creative annihilation. Die every day. Die every hour. Die in each moment so that the next moment can live on. Die to your invulnerability. Die to your false self.

Die to your unhealthy habits and hindrances. Die to your sense of unworthiness. All stopping implies starting. All non-existence implies existence. Breathe in: life. Breathe out: death. Yin implies yang. Be born. Be alive. Let it go. Be reborn. R.I.P. outdated self. Hello glorious rebirth.

Death is a compass, so take the ceiling of your heart and crucify it. Use the compass to guide you into adventure. Existentially crush out. Set your teeth firmly into the pulp of experience. Open your heart and keep your soul’s hand fast upon the helm as you sail away into the horizon of a new way of being a human being in this world. You are more than your life. You are death first.

Foremost you are death. How can this be you might ask? I’ll tell you: Impermanence. It is the one true law of the cosmos. Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy it to the fullest. Suck the marrow out of life, because as far as we know there is no marrow other than life. Like Shaler said, “Heroism is first and foremost a reflex of the terror of death.”

Dying and being reborn is a superpower precisely because it keeps us circumspect. It keeps us prepared for the next threshold, the next phase, whatever that may be. It keeps us vigilant in the face of unhealthiness, stagnation and spiritual inertia. It’s a paramount wakeup call. It reminds us not to keep sleeping when we should be awake.

Embracing the birth-life-death-rebirth process and adopting it as a part of our lifestyle is extremely powerful. One might even say superhuman. Forever becomes Birth. Birth becomes Life. Life becomes Death. Death becomes Forever, ad infinitum. Like e.e. Cummings said, “And death I think is no parenthesis.”

5) Practice Scientific Spirituality

“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.” ~ Doug Larson

Untangle spirituality from religion. Discover the deeper principle that must be at work. Yank the needle of truth out from the haystack of lies that has been smothering humankind for far too long. Uncertain questioning is far superior to outdated hand-me-down answers from parochial sycophants. Like Richard Feynman said, “I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.”

You need to understand both science and spirituality

Question the lot. You are a fallible, prone to mistakes, fumbling, stumbling, barely evolved naked ape desperately trying to figure out a hypnotically complex cosmos with limited faculties.

Quit being so hard on yourself and others. Stop taking yourself so damn seriously. Laugh at yourself instead. There is more spirituality in a heart full of laughter than in all the places of worship in the world.

The boundary between “you” and “world” is a stubbornly persistent illusion. Practicing scientific spirituality is a superpower precisely because it takes into account both the phenomenally plausible Self and the noumenally probable Reality. It bridges the gap between “I am” and “I doubt.” It builds a conceivable construct between Fibonacci and Phi. It connects the dots between the profane geometry of life and the sacred physics of Infinity.

Like Firmin Debrabander said about Spinoza’s understanding of such things, “There is no such thing as a discrete individual, Spinoza points out. This is a fiction. The boundaries of ‘me’ are fluid and blurred. We are all profoundly linked in countless ways we can hardly perceive. My decisions, choices, actions are inspired and motivated by others to no small extent. The passions, Spinoza argued, derive from seeing people as autonomous individuals responsible for all the objectionable actions that issue from them. Understanding the interrelated nature of everyone and everything is the key to diminishing the passions and the havoc they wreak.”

We need a more rational approach to spirituality. One instilled with a more compassionate metamorality. One that has the power to forgive but not forget. We must learn how to talk about spirituality in a way that is as free from dogma, as science already is. Let’s broaden our spiritual horizons.

Let’s seize the new dawn on the new beach of our soul’s compass. Let’s discover an ontology of immanence, a way to seize life and take more of the world into ourselves so as to develop new forms of courage and endurance. Let’s heroically transcend the human condition. Let’s celebrate the scientific victory over human limitation, while also rejoicing in the mesmerizingly beautiful interconnectedness of all things.

Like Carl Sagan said, “In its encounter with Nature, science invariably elicits a sense of reverence and awe. The very act of understanding is a celebration of joining, merging, even if on a very modest scale, with the magnificence of the Cosmos. And the cumulative worldwide build-up of knowledge over time converts science into something only a little short of a trans-national, trans-generational meta-mind. Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality.”

Image source:

Superhuman by Jash Jacob
Immanence
Chess with Death
Scientific Spirituality

10 Inspirational Quotes to Call Upon When You’re Struggling

Nikki Sapp

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April 16, 2015

8

10 Inspirational Quotes to Call Upon When You’re Struggling

No life is devoid of struggle. In fact, it is our struggle that makes us wiser, more grateful, and more appreciative of life. Our struggle gives us character. It gives us a story to tell.

It may be hard to see while we are in it, but if we are really aware, we realize no struggle comes without also bringing a blessing. These blessings sometimes come in the form of a “lesson learned.”

Every lesson teaches us something not just about ourselves but about life in general. True wisdom comes from the knowledge that every perceived “problem”, “challenge”, or “obstacle”, is ultimately making us a better and stronger person. Below are 10 inspirational quotes that can get you through any hardship.

Sometimes, just the reassuring words from someone who has been there can help uplift and inspire us and help us remember that we’re not alone in this little play of life we have going on. By reading the words of others who have overcome their hard times, we see that other people have lived through tough times as well, which can give us hope about our own lives.

10 Inspirational Quotes to Remember When You Are Going Through a Struggle

1) “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes we are so hell bent on what we want to happen that we fail to realize that something better may be planned for us. If we see that the Universe is always leading us to things that will make us stronger, happier, and more evolved we will be less attached to the outcomes we had planned and instead hand over the reigns to a higher intelligence.

2) “We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.” ~ Carlos Castaneda

We can always choose to see circumstances in a different light. We are always telling ourselves a story about things, we can choose to make that story happy or we can choose to make it upsetting. By seeing ourselves as the hero of our story we can change our perspective of hardships from depressing to something that we will overcome without a doubt. By simply switching the way we see things we ultimately become happier and more confident in the face of adversities.

3) “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” ~ Mandy Hale

We have to endure change, it is really the only thing that helps us grow as a human being. When life brings you to a point where you are forced to undergo a transformation either internally or externally, welcome it with open arms.

Life won’t bring you to anything that isn’t ultimately furthering your evolution in consciousness, so when change comes knocking on your door, see it as a sign that it’s time for you to mature and evolve as a person, and this is always a good thing.

4) “The things you take for granted, someone else is praying for.” ~ Unknown

Often we get so immersed in our own lives and our own problems that we don’t realize that our problems are probably minor compared to many others. By focusing on the things about our life that are going well, instead of only focusing on what is going “wrong”, we change our perspective to that of gratitude.

5) “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Without hardships we would never really get to be the hero of our story. Every hero needs a struggle to endure, otherwise how would we really see what we are made of?

When problems arise, face them head-on with a sense of complete confidence that anything you have been challenged to go through is showing you how strong and resilient you really are.

6) “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

In order to know true redemption, happiness, and gratitude we must have lived a life that was void of these things at one time. When we come out of our darkest hours to the other side we see why everything happened the way it did.

We also become that much more appreciative of life and even appreciate our struggles because they show us to be grateful for the small things.

7) “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~ Maya Angelou

No one has 100% complete control of their life. By flowing with life instead of fighting against it, we see that even though things happen that we did not plan for, we can choose to remain centered during these times of adversity. By handling things with grace we maintain a sense of inner peace even when the world around us seems to be trying to pull us into it’s storm.

8) “There is no education like adversity.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Nothing happens that isn’t meant to teach us something. Always look at the bigger picture. What is your circumstance teaching you about yourself or about life? Search for the lessons inside all of your circumstances.

9) “Hardships make us strong. Problems give birth to wisdom. Sorrows cultivate compassion. Those who have suffered will become the happiest.” ~ Daisaku Ikeda

The extent to which we have suffered becomes the extent to which you are able to feel joy and happiness. The happiest and most grateful people are in fact the ones who have made it through the worst and toughest times. The more dire your circumstances, and the more hellish your reality, becomes directly proportionate to the amount of joy you feel when you are out of those situations.

10) “This too shall pass.” ~ Unknown

Nothing lasts forever. That is probably the most important thing we can remember when we are dealing with a struggle. Feelings and emotions come and go, and time eventually will heal all wounds.

Image Source

Struggle
Fear
Child

The Mystery of the Self: A Spectacularly Useful Illusion

Gary Z McGee

-

April 14, 2015

3

The Mystery of the Self: A Spectacularly Useful Illusion

“Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.” ~ Alan Watts

My advice, here at the outset of this article about the self, is to take less into consideration Descartes’ dictum cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I am) and take more into consideration the dictum dubito ergo sum (I doubt, therefore I am).

All we are ever doing in our pursuit of higher knowledge, of enlightenment, of understanding the self, is expanding the horizon of the unknown anyway. We are merely elevating ourselves to a “higher” level of not knowing, to a more erudite level of ignorance.

The more we know, the more we realize how much we don’t know. But not even that statement gets at the heart of the problem, because language is an exasperatingly imperfect tool.

It just so happens to be the only tool we have to communicate our sense of self to each other (other than the more elusive “language older than words”). So healthy doubt seems to be the most reasonable course to follow, especially in regards to anything having to do with the all-too-precious concept of “I.”

The problem of the self is a fascinatingly complex one. Somewhere between “I doubt” and “I am” is an enormous abyss. This abyss is infinitely deep and infinitely wide, and yet, as with Zeno’s paradox, we can so easily leap from “I doubt” to “I am” and back again, as if the distance were nil. The illusion is that there is no distance, no gap, no abyss, but there most definitely is.

It’s what Slavoj Žižek refers to as the Parallax Gap: the apparent displacement of an object/concept, caused by a change in observational position; which he breaks down into three main modes of parallax: the ontological parallax, the ultimate parallax that conditions our very access to reality; the scientific parallax, the irreducible gap between the phenomenal experience of reality and its scientific explanation, and the political parallax, the social antagonism that allows for no common ground.

I won’t delve too deeply into these complex concepts, except to say that the ontological, scientific, and political parallax gap is the gaping abyss between “I doubt” and “I am.” All we have to do is become better at navigating this gap by building more robust bridges of communication. Easier said than done.

Here’s the thing: human evolution has brought about a modular brain, where a deep menagerie of selves have co-evolved to create a kind of conflict-resolution center that we call The Self. We have a multitude of evolutionary layers overlapping, like a giant onion in our skull. Each layer has an evolutionary importance of which we are just beginning to scratch the surface.

But we do know that each module, each part of this infinitely fascinating organ, is a prerequisite for our being here. Every module, whether outdated or not (and some are), is necessary for there to be such a thing as homo sapien sapien: an epiphenomenal animal that has the capacity to live an examined life.

Something has to make the jump across the abyss. Something has to “do” the smelling/feeling/hearing/seeing/tasting/imagining. Like Julian Baggini wrote, “’I’ is a verb dressed as a noun.” Something has to be (verb) the being (noun) dressing/being (verb) itself (noun). Something has to put it all together and say, “This is me.”

And that something is the arbitrary Self. But that something is also an illusion, which is a tough pill to swallow for a creature that puts almost all its worth on being a self. Our perception of the self is as much a construct of a construct as it is an abstraction of an abstraction. And that’s okay.

As Henry Miller memorably put it, “It is almost banal to say so yet it needs to be stressed continually: all is creation, all is change, all is flux, all is metamorphosis.”

We evolved this way for a reason: it has worked thus far. We perceive the self the way we do because our evolution required an “aspect” that was capable of putting the entire psychophysiological meat-spirit-package together into one single whole, into a kind of CEO of Mind Body & Soul Inc. And like most CEOs, the self has a tendency to take all the credit of the multifaceted corporation.

But the self is not one single thing. It is not an essence, but a process. It is the side-effect of an organism having gone through the motions of evolving. The sense of individuality that arises from this process is the illusion, but it is a most effective illusion.

When we look in the mirror we perceive a single organism, which perpetuates the illusion. Perceptually we are one single entity, but actually we are several. We are multifaceted, complete with a plethora of masks. This psychophysiological unity of experience is who we are. But that experience is forever in the throes of change, whether we are consciously aware of it or not.

The more we embrace this change, the more we cycle and recycle through our many masks, the healthier we’ll tend to be and the more courageous we will become with our own vulnerability. The alternative, resisting change, just leads to furthering the illusion of the fixed self and perpetuating the illusion of invulnerability and false security.

Like Peter Matthiessen said, “The armor of the “I” begins to form, the construction and desperate assertion of separate identity, the loneliness: Man has closed himself up, till he sees all things through the narrow chinks of his cavern.”

We transcend the “cavern” by realizing and accepting the fact that the self is an illusion and is constantly in flux and being okay with the inevitability of change. Defining ourselves may be like biting our own teeth, but it beats the alternative: having no sense of self at all. Having a sense of self, whether illusory or not, is extremely useful. Without a sense of self we become easily pigeonholed.

We become overly malleable and easily persuaded by whatever charlatan, conman, or snake oil salesman happens to come along. With a sense of self, however, we are more capable of adapting and overcoming to whatever situation presents itself.

Without a sense of self, we are our conditioned assumptions (or we fall victim to the conditions of others). With a sense of self, we are able to question our assumptions as well as the assumptions of others. We realize that our assumptions weren’t always assumptions.

They were conditioned into us. They preceded our preconditioning. With a robust sense of self we become capable of questioning our assumptions about the way the world works as well as the way the Self works.

In The Elusive Self I wrote, “In the same way that a physicist cannot perceive both the momentum and location of an electron in space, an individual cannot perceive both the multiplicity and the continuity of the self. The concept of ‘I’ is elusive. Any attempt at perceiving it as a “thing in itself,” is akin to trying to eat our own face.

Similarly, the concept of ‘now’, like the concept of ‘self’, cannot be located in time, for as soon as one declares a “now!” the moment has already become the past.

As soon as one declares “I am myself,” the moment has passed and the self has changed. Not only are we Creatures of Self in any given instant, we are Voyagers of Self eclipsing all ‘Now’s’. Just as there can never be a ‘now’, there can never be a ‘self’. And yet, paradoxically, perceptually, there is always a Now and there is always a Self.”

Indeed, the paradox isn’t that we are part of an interdependent cosmos. The paradox is our perception of being independent from that interdependent cosmos. And yet here we are: independent, at least perceptually. And that must be okay.

The hypocrisy, the fallibility, the mistakes, and/or the false sense of ‘whatever’ that inevitably comes from such a paradoxical disposition must also be okay, because this is precisely our lot.

Contradictory Creature is both who and what we are. We just need to find healthier and better ways of being so. An arduously Herculean task if ever there was one, but a task we must be able to embrace in order to become healthier versions of ourselves.

Like Alan Watts said, “The self-conscious brain, like the self-conscious heart, is a disorder, and manifests itself in the acute feeling of separation between “I” and my experience. The brain can only assume its proper behavior when consciousness is doing what it is designed for: not writhing and whirling to get out of present experience, but being effortlessly aware of it.”

The philosophers’ maxim, “know thyself” may be impossible, but it’s impossible in the same way that enlightenment is impossible. We should neglect neither our pursuit of enlightenment nor the pursuit to know ourselves.

We should instead strive toward both, while allowing the journey to be the thing. The first step toward knowing our true self is questioning the conditioned self and then becoming our own self.

As long as we can avoid becoming what F.S. Michaels calls “a ready-to-wear self,” or a conditioned self, we are free to proceed with our self-evolution in a healthier way. We are free to become – through constant self-overcoming – our most authentic self.

And although, as Bruno Borges articulated, “The self is more distant than any star,” we become more ourselves by realizing that we are both intermittently individual-human and interdependent-star. Indeed, there is only one thing faster than the speed of light: human thought, and even more succinctly – human imagination.

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Cosmic ladder
Biting your own teeth
Fractal self

The Ruler Archetype: 3 Types of Matriarch

Life

Lauren

-

April 14, 2015

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The Ruler Archetype: 3 Types of Matriarch

Here are three archetypes based on Carl Jung the psychiatrist and psychotherapist’s research as a method to help people recognize the roles they are playing and problems they are experiencing in their lives.

The Devouring Mother

“The Devouring Mother “consumes” her children psychologically and emotionally and often instills in them feelings of guilt at leaving her or becoming independent.” ~ Caroline Myss.

The devouring mother, one of the many aspects of the mother archetype, is one of the most fascinating archetypes lurking in the human psyche that can apply to any of us – female or otherwise.

Having spawned her children, found her mate or simply turned around to prey on her existing family or circle of friends, the devouring mother is much like a co-dependent; high on the drug of assistance she smothers her children with an excess of love; stifling their very growth and suffocating those around her, even resorting to child abuse to get her way.

The Devouring Mother comes from a place inside of us that is afraid to be alone; afraid of solitude in the guise of loneliness… afraid of herself. Having served others for so long she becomes obsessive, controlling… even violent in her need to assert her control on the rest of us.

Much like the darker aspects of the sacred feminine such as the femme fatale ‘female trickster’, she uses her ‘rule’ as her ultimate identity and lets it feed her ego, forgetting that a mother – as well as guide her children – must also know when to let them find their own way and control their own destiny.

The Devouring Mother can also be those who hide behind our followers. Devoid of real connection with ourselves we become shadows, wallowing in shame and pushing those around us forward yet to our own gain rather than theirs. The Devouring Mother becomes strict, critical and manipulative… and ultimately feared.

The Ice Queen

“How men and animals are obliged to serve her, and how well she has got through the world, barefooted as she is.” ~ Hans Christian Anderson, The Snow Queen

The Snow or Ice Queen – as mentioned in Seven Archetypes of the Human Consciousness, is a Matriarch so intent on shielding herself from the pains of being heartbroken again she has created a whole environment of hostility around her.

Stay well away; the Ice Queen pretends she is cruel and her heart pierced with a shard of ice in order to keep the world out.

Numbed and frozen from emotion; high or low, she often traps children and wanderers with promises of shelter or sweet meats – much like the archetype of the untrustworthy witch – in order that she might have a companion, prisoner to punish the nearby town (she projects blame onto whole communities to satisfy her deep sense of injustice and feels she’s owed something), even a tasty meal of innocence to momentarily quench her thirst for inner purity, long since buried in her blizzard of bitterness.

The Snow Queen lies in the heart of anyone consumed by victimhood; freezing themselves from the imaginary external forces of fate and using her intense powers of the Sacred Feminine to become an inverted ruler.

She is the fearsome eighties Boss, or the (perhaps more stereotypical) Feminist man hater. They all begin with the Snow Queen, her ultimate conclusion being the melting of the ice and the resolution to trust again, often ignited by a compassionate stranger who unknowingly wanders into her world or is willing to shatter the norm and subvert the system like Kirikou in the African legend of Karaba the Sorceress.

Kirikou discovers the root of Karaba’s terrifying rule and magical powers is a metaphorical thorn in her back and tricks her so he is able to pull it out. Having removed her pain, he promptly grows into a man and marries her, returning all the men who were thought to have been eaten by the Sorceress – including his own father – to the village and ends her tyrannical rule.

The Return of The Divine Feminine | Truth Revealed

The Ice Queen often nicely compliments the Hero archetype and makes an ideal antagonist. Gender aside, the Ice Queen represents the forgotten importance of the feminine – of benevolent receptivity – and her desire to behave like a man in order to survive in this sometimes dog eat dog world.

The Queen is overly fluent in human nature, the hero illiterate in it. The hero – again man or woman, girl or boy – reminds the Ice Queen of their humanity and original nature; reconnecting her with the collective consciousness and rechanneling her vibrant and now highly individualized powers (much like the Hermit or visionary/revolutionary) back into the whole.

The Benevolent Goddess

“Historically, masculine rulers/conquerors of lands and societies, usurped the goddess power in these societies they conquered and absorbed and distorted these goddesses into their own beliefs of whom they most resembled.” ~ Nancy Creations

The Benevolent Goddess may have hit either of the two previous archetypes on the road to the positive aspect of the Sacred Feminine. Or perhaps at one time she was the Prostitute with a heart of gold archetype, selling her talents without boundaries, or the Princess archetype, completely dependent on a man and in need of saving.

In both cases, the Benevolent Goddess has had to scramble out of the mire and secure her boundaries once and for all. Neither becoming angered about those who want to take advantage nor let it go on for the rest of her days, she has found the true balance between the masculine and feminine energies and made her stand without freezing her heart.

The Benevolent Goddess is like an overflowing cup of loving kindness. She is devoid of ego and takes nothing personally, she has learnt how to refill her cup by herself and needs no-one else’s approval or compliments. She knows the value of her own beauty and lets no-one drain her of it, nor does she try to dictate it to anyone else.

She is without fear, knowing that, even when she is surrounded by others, the eternal family, she is still an individual and on the solitary road entirely responsible for how she expresses and shares her divine femininity. Many will be jealous and covert her energy, but she will rise above their bait… she is entirely self assured.

She is the source of life and gives birth to every moment, entirely swimming in creativity from the Source. Every person is her child. She is in no need of a consort yet enjoys and feels unthreatened by male company. She is athletic like Athena yet also sensual like Aphrodite, entirely comfortable in her unique form and sexuality yet unattached to it.

The Benevolent Goddess, above all, has struck the perfect balance between giving and receiving, receiving – not compliments about her appearance or financial and material support – but energy and love from her inner well and from that of the universe. It is this that enables her to give constantly, without resentment or exhaustion.

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Monster
Goddess
Ice Queen

Fractal Enlightenment