“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” ~ Marianne Williamson
You may have caught yourself saying from time to time, “wow, I’m turning into my parents,” and perhaps laughed it off as just another indication of turning into an adult.
But in a world where everything is energy, and the materials from our mother and father’s bodies quite literally becomes us as we grow inside our mother’s womb, this statement couldn’t be any more true.
We often inherit the energetic imprints from memories, unhealed emotions and traumatizing experiences that are stored in our parents’ cells as we grow in our mother’s womb. Even after we are born, we often subconsciously take on the fearful and limited belief systems of our parents and families as we form our personalities in the first years of our life.
Many people will find themselves inheriting the same ‘irritating’ traits that their parents have, or even manifesting relationships later in life that mirror back to them the dynamics of their relationship with their parents.
Fortunately, all of this can be reversed. Huge shifts occur in our emotional healing process when we heal the emotional wounds created in our childhood. Even if our parents aren’t currently alive, or in our lives, this healing process can take place as a result of going within and feeling old hurts and pinpointing the fears we may have inherited or developed.
“The parenting journey holds the potential to be a spiritually regenerative experience between parent and child, where every moment is a meeting of spirits, and both parent and child appreciate that each dances on a spiritual path that is unique, holding hands yet alone.” ~ Dr. Shefali Tsabary
The very first and most crucial step in mending the relationship with our parents is forgiveness.
Any time we hold a grudge against someone, or blame them completely for things that have happened without extending some level of empathy towards them, we form energetic cords between us and said person.
It’s like we will always remain chained to the person or persons that hurt us as long as we blame them.
And for some this will sound absurd, to not blame the person who caused such intentional pain or abuse to us as innocent children. However, if you remain stuck in patterns of blame, you don’t realize that everyone is always doing the best they can from the level of consciousness they reside at.
Abusive parents were often abused themselves, angry parents were often the victims of their own parents inability to control their anger. Critical parents were often judged and criticized as small children.
Adopting this viewpoint doesn’t mean that we were ‘wrong’ to feel hurt by the things our parents did, it only means that they had no choice in the matter. They were only giving us the best they could, and the emotional pain that had accumulated deep within their own being was yet to heal.
If you have tried and tried to move past or forgive your parents to no avail, it only means that there is still a part of you that doesn’t feel supported or unconditionally loved enough to let go of the hurt.
If this is the case for you, it only signifies that your own inner child, the one who doesn’t know how to forgive, needs more of your loving attention and unconditional acceptance.
Over time, as the part of our inner child who holds on to grudges is given the space to just be exactly as they are, without pressure to change, it will begin to feel safe enough to heal and transform all on its own.
An important thing to consider in this process is that it is going to take time. Healing from years and years of emotional wounds is not something that will happen overnight, so be patient with yourself.
Often wounds will pop up that we didn’t even know we had. But when our soul feels energetically strong and safe enough to heal that wound, it will be an indicator that we are energetically in a place where healing can occur.
Our higher self is never going to give us more pain and suffering than we can handle, so in that respect, we can see that if an unhealed wound is presenting itself, it’s time to place some awareness around it.
If the process becomes too overwhelming or painful even, take a step back and give yourself some time away from it. The mere intention to forgive and to heal sets the wheels in motion for our healing process to begin. And you can be assured that the universe will draw you to the perfect people, places, and things that will help you in this process.
Often people use things like going to a counselor, writing in a journal, meditating, or using EFT (tapping therapy) to work through unhealed emotions. There are so many healing modalities available to us these days, and most of them don’t cost a thing other than our time and energy spent doing them.
Acceptance is Key
The most powerful tool we have in our healing process is acceptance. But this acceptance must be extended to ourselves first if we are ever to be able to offer it to anyone else.
Imagine if you accepted everything about yourself without trying to change it. You can even say something like, “I accept that I am angry. I accept that I am sad. I accept that I am in pain. I accept that I am uncomfortable. I accept that I don’t know how to accept that I am afraid to feel anything.”
The energy of honesty with ourselves combined with unconditional acceptance makes all the difference in the world in how we begin to relate to our parents, or our image of them.
The ironic thing is that as we begin to accept ourselves exactly as we are, have compassion and empathy for ourselves as the soul that survived our childhood, forgiveness becomes a natural by-product.