Five Signs You May be a Sapiosexual


“If your thoughts cannot touch my soul, then do not bother to reach for my flesh.” ~ Julie Moon

Sexuality is the essence of being human. Out of all the animals in the animal kingdom, no animal is more sexually creative than the human animal. And as the most intelligent animal on the planet, no other animal has the capacity to be sapiosexual: Sexually attracted to intelligence.

We’d all like to think we’re sapiosexual, but when it comes down to it, there must be a direct correlation between our own intelligence and our capacity to recognize it in others. And so it would seem to apply to being sapiosexual as well.

There are many forms of intelligence; Howard Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences for example. But, without getting too much into Intelligence Quotients (IQ) and Emotional Quotients (EQ), suffice it to say that our capacity to be sapiosexual falls on a wide frequency of intelligence.

We may find ourselves at different levels on this frequency, but here are five signs you may be a sapiosexual.

1.) You understand that the brain is the most important sex organ:

“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.” ~ Aristotle
Your sexuality isn’t limited to mere orgasmic pleasure and physical release. Although these things are important, they are secondary to intellectual arousal. When a lover can paint seductive images into your mind precoitus, even pre-foreplay, it makes the foreplay and coitus still to come, that much more intense and pleasurable.


It matters little what intellectual method your lover uses: poetry, music, singing, dancing, mathematics, theoretical physics – the list goes on. What matters is the intellectual effort, the deep thought, the brain-hacks that go into making it more than just a base, physical experience. Having a lover who can pleasure your brain is having an artist who can double down on pleasuring you elsewhere, taking sexual experience to a whole other level.

2.) You’re more likely to meet someone at a bookstore than at a bar:

“I love you, because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” ~ Paulo Coelho

When it comes to meeting potential lovers, you’re thinking – full stop. And since you are a thinker, you’re more likely to frequent bookstores, parks, college campuses, and coffee shops, than clubs or bars. It’s not that you’re against these latter establishments, necessarily, but you realize that you are less likely to get your sapiosexual juices flowing there.

When you meet that guy at Barnes & Noble with the stack of Greek philosophy books, or that girl in the poetry section relishing Ted Hughe’s “Crow” or that hot teacher (girl or guy) waxing philosophic about quantum theory with a twinkle in their eye, you can’t help but get all twitterpated, your sapiosexual fire stoked, wondering, “what else can this hot piece of smartness do?”

Sure, you could go to the club and yell over the music trying desperately to hear if they have the intellectual magnetism to attract you, or you might get lucky at the bar and the girl who’s three sheets to the wind could be an intellectual rockstar, but you know the probability is low, so you’ll stick to your sapiosexual guns and frequent the bookstore when it comes to seeking potential lovers.

3.) Intellectual beauty is primary; physical beauty secondary:

“Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.” ~ Plotinus

You understand that we are feral creatures, hungry animals with mortal coils, insatiable beasts with impossible reach. But you are also able to intellectualize this creaturely essence. You’re a thinking animal looking for another thinking animal to share your deep thoughts with, and have some fun. And though your sapiosexual juices need to get flowing to really enjoy sex to the max, you still greatly respect the ways of the flesh. The mind and the body are connected, after all.

And so, poised between your godly (intellectual) essence and your beastly (carnal) essence, as a sapiosexual being, you are able to imaginatively bridge the gap. Your love blooms through your mind’s melting with your lover’s mind.


Your pleasure blossoms through your physical entanglement, ignited by your lovers creative spark. You and your lover are God and Goddess infinitely entwined; wolf and she-wolf howling, ecstatically connected for all time; Every-man melting into Every-woman in orgasmic union, forever joined in an eternal Now.

4.) You’re able to gaze into your lover’s third eye:

“Wisdom begins in wonder.” ~ Socrates

For you, and for other sapiosexuals, beauty isn’t just in the eye of the beholder. Beauty itself is beholden through the other. Love is the eternal golden braid binding all things together, which cannot be seen or sensed through the other four physical senses.

It can only be felt through a sixth sense, seen through the third eye, experienced through sensual meditation and deep mindfulness. Though it is anchored by the five physical senses it is not limited by them, it is leveraged by them.

As a sapiosexual you know how to leverage love through your five senses in order to experience ecstatic union with your lover through a mutual opening of your third eye. Love seen through the third eye of your lover becomes capital-L-Love; the kind of love that subsumes the flesh and trumps the self, launching you and your lover into a soul-caliber infusion, a union of opposites that rises above the pettiness of the ego and which transcends time.

5.) Your sexual experiences tend to be extremely spiritual:sapiosexual

“For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.” ~ Carl Sagan

You are often told by your lovers that making love to you is a spiritual experience. You understand that this is because you don’t only feel egoicly through the flesh, but mindfully through deep mindfulness. For you, love-making is a soul-centric experience rather than merely an ego-centric one.

And so your lovers are left gasping, having tasted the sacred oxygen of Infinite Love: love with no strings, no ownership, no attachment; it’s roots deep in the womb of no-mind, free and forever overcoming itself ecstatically through all time.

It cannot be contained. It cannot be grasped at. It cannot be clung to. It can only be felt on a deep interconnected level where soul filters through soul; where love gives into love; where Her mind and His-mind become Interdepent-Mind in a deep ocean of giving.

The only way to survive it, is to let go, allow it, and then let it go, over and over again. It is existential. It is transcendent. It is deeply spiritual. And it all began with your deep intellectual mindfulness regarding the art of making love – your sapiosexual disposition.


Art by Thomasz Alen Kopera

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