“Einstein believed: that A reality exists independent of our ability to observe it. That objects are located at distinct points in spacetime and have their own independent, real existence. In other words, he believed in separability and locality. And although at a superficial level, quantum events may appear random, at some ultimate level, strict causality underlies all processes in nature.” ~ Walter Isaacson
Einsteins’ theories are mind-blowing, there’s no way around it. But, through his thought experiments, inherently visual hypotheses or mental model casts, the lay person is able to gain insight into the mechanics of his wonderful mind. Ok, so thought experiments don’t require empirical data, but as he said himself, they played a pivotal role in furthering his (and our) understanding of the universe.
Here are 7 of his thought experiments, to gratify your inner genius:
THOUGHT EXPERIMENT 1: Pursuing a beam of Light
Although there are some faults in Einstein’s account of his sixteen-year-old self, the reflection is nether-the-less mind blowing. Even if Einstein felt the laws of optics should obey the principles of relativity, and was potentially wrong in believing that, this recollection of his young mind is fascinating.
“…A PARADOX UPON WHICH I HAD ALREADY HIT AT THE AGE OF SIXTEEN: IF I PURSUE A BEAM OF LIGHT WITH THE VELOCITY C (VELOCITY OF LIGHT IN A VACUUM), I SHOULD OBSERVE SUCH A BEAM OF LIGHT AS AN ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD AT REST THOUGH SPATIALLY OSCILLATING.” ~ Einstein
His thought experiment would inform many of his later theories and visual hypotheses, of an observer perceiving something different to the person (Einstein himself) who is in a state of velocity.
The thought experiment questions whether the two people are operating on the same laws, and whether they’re seeing something different from each other. This thought experiment was later questioned as historically inaccurate, as he mentions James Maxwell’s equation, a theory of the electromagnetic field Einstein would not have learnt until later in his studies.
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Self-love has been the woke thing for a few years now. It’s on everyone’s lips. From the reality TV star to the self-proclaimed guru, everyone is talking about it! The story goes as follows: Love yourself first. If you cannot love yourself, you can’t love another. Interesting concept for sure.
But what is the veracity of this teaching that has taken over the world by storm. If something is popular, that doesn’t mean it’s true or life-affirming. We have enough examples in history to show us the opposite. But there seems to be a worldwide consensus that one needs to love themselves before anyone else.
I wonder, if our parents, and grandparents had adhered to this concept, if we’d even be alive to debate such ideas… Love is an emotion that gets everyone talking. So many people who have come before have tried to define love in different ways.
If we look at it from a scientific point of view, love is a chemical balance in our brain. Not so romantic right? #love is the most used hashtag on Instagram with over 1 billion tags. Clearly this is something that occupies a lot of our time.
“Love but be detached. Why do you want to love then? You want to love to include somebody as part of yourself, your life.” ~ Sadhguru
Where did we get the idea that we have to learn how to love on our own? Doesn’t love imply there is someone to love?Isn’t the fact that we love animals, our friends, partners, proof enough that we can love without ‘loving’ ourselves?
So why is it that, all of a sudden, we are told, by ‘experts’ that we need to learn to love ourselves before we can love others? Do you think Mother Teresa loved herself and that’s why she did so much to help the less fortunate? Or perhaps, she had a deep longing to belong and be part of something that would help her share love and that’s why she did all that she did..? We will never know.
How many of us have become more selfish in the name of self-love? How many of us have ended relationships because we ‘had to work on ourselves’? Weren’t we just reinforcing the idea that we are not enough as we are and that we need to be ‘better’ to be part of a relationship? How many of us have said something along the lines of ‘I need to learn to love myself before I can love and be loved by others.’
Just reading the previous line, don’t you feel something is off? Something is missing? Doesn’t it seem strange that in order to love and be loved you need to love yourself?
Does that imply that until you fully love yourself (which may neverhappen, as we humans, have a deep feeling of inadequacy), you cannot love another and cannot be loved? How horrible is that! Who would want to live in such a world. And anyways, what does loving yourself look like? Can someone’s love not show you the way to your own heart? Can someone’s love not break down the ego barriers of protection to allow more warmth in?
Western culture has been obsessed with individualism, and it seems the East is following suit. The lexicon of ‘self’ has just exploded over the last few years: self-love, self-acceptance, self-care, self-made…could it be that we’re more self-absorbed than ever before? Is that the illusion of separation in action supported by it’s best friend the ego?
Has self-love become a marketing tool to sell more beauty products pretending to foster more well-being? Does a selfie show the world our authentic self or a tweaked version of how we’d like to look?
The self tends to be seen as a separate identity with defined boundaries which make up our individual identities. It’s riddled with doubt, failure, happiness, confidence… However, the self is also part of a cosmic dance with other people and the world at large. How could we ever learn to love ourselves on our own? And is it even possible? This is the classic chicken or the egg situation.
People are confused. Self-love is confusing. And if it is confusing, is it really natural? Is it healthy for us to focus so much on ourselves? To spend so much of our time thinking only about ourselves? In our evolution, if we had focused on our own little self and cultivating the love within, we wouldn’t be here.
The only reason we made it so far as a species is because we came together and that was our strength. Now, imagine if our hunter-gatherer ancestors were checking themselves out in the reflection of a pond, or kept thinking about their own needs…? Well, we probably wouldn’t be here.
Self-love has become a harmful disconnecting trend. The more self-love I see splashed around, the less love I actually witness in the world.Spending time alone and taking care of ourselves by cooking or sleeping early is amazing, of course it is, but that’s just called taking care of yourself, not self-love.
It’s like the idea of self-made! Who can realistically say they have accomplished anything on their own?Is this, again, the ego masquerading as our best friend?
Look at authors; when they write a book, they have acknowledgments. Why? Because without other people, they couldn’t have created this work of art. Look at the end credits in movies, there are over hundreds of names from the person who brought water on set to the director. Look at stand-up comedy, or any other ‘star’ for that matter. Even though on stage they might appear alone, they have a team without which they wouldn’t be on stage. It’s the same for us.
We wouldn’t be on the stage of life without our squad. We are all dependent on others and many of us get confused, believing we have to do everything on our own – like loving ourselves.
We’re being sold this dream of independence, that we are an island. But the very way in which we are born and live the first few years of our life, suggest the complete opposite. All the studies that are coming out on addiction, correlate it to lack of connection.
We spend 9 months in the womb, clearly not alone. We couldn’t in fact be more intimate with anyone else – we’re literally inside them. Then for a while, we don’t even realize that we are separate from our mother. Humans, are the mammals that need the most care as children.
Without it we wouldn’t survive. Look at premature babies, they get healthier with skin-to-skin contact with another human. Clearly, they understand love better than we have grown to. We’re getting lost.
By making everything more complex, by trying to feel more evolved, we’re getting stuck in our minds and all we’re doing is adding more separation, concepts and labels on how we live our life, instead of just living it. We are trying to aim for perfection, and that’s ludicrous. It’s as if we enjoy making life more complicated because we can’t fathom the possibility of simply being. Simplicity, truly is a sign of intelligence.
We are all dependent on someone – thinking we aren’t is a farce and it’s hurtful to our communities. If we take it down to the essentials, without our farmers, we’d have no food. This is proof enough that we all depend on someone, and it’s ok. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
We’re not meant to live in small boxes, all alone. We suffer from it. We get depressed because of it. We thrive in communities, in communion, through interaction with others. That’s the only way we truly understand life – through others. Without others, there is no mirror for understanding. My ‘self’ only exists because there are other ‘selfs’ to play with.
Self-love doesn’t exist. It’s a man-made concept. And it’s definitely not about being able to withstand loneliness or establish independence but more about awareness and acceptance of our incompleteness. It’s about letting others love us even when we don’t feel lovable…
Sadhguru puts it in words beautifully:
“In America, people used to say I believe in God. Now they say I believe in myself. They used to say I love you to somebody, these days started saying I love myself. To love, to believe, to respect, you need two. If you have become two within yourself for sure you are heading for madness. If you really become two then we say you’re schizophrenic isn’t it? This self-respect business has to go, because this will lead to all kinds of expectations. If It think I’m a big guy and I respect myself, then I expect you to treat me that way too. When you don’t I will become resentful and angry. There is no need for me to respect myself. But if I respect somebody it may not even be because of their quality. It is because of my quality that I respect somebody. I respect myself, I believe in myself, I love myself, these are all statements of the insane.”
So I ask you, is the idea of self-love creating more love or more separation within and without?
“The human body is the best work of art.” ~ Jess C. Scott
I have found Yoga to be a beautiful practice. It wasn’t always the case. When I had my first dose of yoga ten years ago, I thought the point was to copy my instructor, leading to a sore back and a lingering association with torture that would haunt me for years to come.
My second encounter was abroad, where I raised eyebrows for not attending the free classes which were on offer. You don’t like it? They asked, searching my face as the physical-education-related fears threatened to surface.
P.E classes at school had been an onslaught of competition, comparison, and criticism. And the memories were rising from the dead before my very eyes. It just… hurts. Was my answer. I went anyway.
After a few sessions, I began to understand what all the fuss was about. Turning in, instead of looking out… well, it changed everything. My body was honored, protected, nurtured, and I could play with the boundaries of what I was able to do.
I went on to find an excellent teacher, who encouraged me to make each pose connect to my own unique body and its abilities, rather than see poses as access to some kind of bragging rights. I was entering into some kind of dialogue with my inner self, rather than the outer shell. It was heaven.
Yet I often notice, how people see yoga as the only way to explore the body and its limits. Now I’m not talking Spinning, or Aqua Zumba. To be honest I haven’t tried them, and I’m not really planning to.
Here are five other practices I have tried and read about, which I have found to build an immense sense of connection with yourself.
Thai Yoga Massage
My first encounter with Thai Yoga Massage was pretty darn brutal. Meant to release demons from the Ten Sen, or energy line system, the practice requires another person (the masseuse), to sit between your legs, rock you, and generally pull your limbs around.
Because of this, perhaps, the experience was too strong. I didn’t know what I was getting and was more than a little shocked. This practice is not recommended if you’ve been a victim of sexual violence, or are in any way triggered by lying spread-eagled out in front of a stranger on the floor.
Paradoxically, it can heal trust issues, reparenting and self-honoring, as well as aid with numbness in the body after a stroke or in patients with Mulitple Sclerosis.
My more positive experience of Thai Massage therapy was with a woman, and involved all the nurture and space-holding I needed. I was also pregnant at the time, and found it to be life-changing.
Acro Yoga
Ok, so it’s officially yoga! But acro yoga for me takes trust to a whole other dimension. I’ve actually only ever been able to receive acro yoga, and lift children. It’s scary!
For someone who has trust issues, I simply cannot lift a fully-grown adult with only my legs! It hasn’t happened… yet, but maybe one day.
Acro yoga is basically yoga and acrobatics, (or playing superman with your brother, age 6), and can be great fun. Imagine suspending yourself on someone’s legs and hanging upside down like a bat, then seeing how many variations on the poses you can do.
Letting go of hands and balancing is a great way to connect and let down the barriers we build up around ourselves. You can also feel the stretch.
My hamstrings aside, acro yoga is definitely one to try, simply because it brings people together and makes them smile. Best done outside in the sunshine with people you trust.
Family Constellations
This one will come as a surprise, as it’s not really a bodywork practice. Plus I haven’t directly tried it, but it sounds like it brings down the walls.
Standing in for various family members, the constellation group will create your individual constellation and help bring up unresolved traumas in the family system. This may date back generations, and practitioners will often discover an unresolved trauma that originates in abortion or war.
The facilitator is equal to you, and, as Doris mentions in the video, sessions need only take one try so there is no dependency on the practice.
Somatic Experiencing
Again, I haven’t directly tried this, but having done a huge amount of trauma work, I am very intrigued. Somatic Experiencing was developed by the father of trauma therapy, Peter Levine, and is primarily for sufferers of PTSD.
It works by first addressing the issues which have been coming up, and then by noticing the tensions in the body and easing them through rocking and methods which will help them release the shock response they are frozen in.
The various body postures we make, relate to our mental state, and so it’s very informative and interesting to reconnect with our natural gestures and where we hold tension in the body. The reconnect, perhaps, comes with ourselves. With the self who was traumatized in the first place and needs to be coaxed back to a regulated state.
Like Thai Yoga Massage and Somatic Experiencing, Family Constellations really depend on the facilitator or therapist that you embark on the journey with, so choose wisely.
Qi Gong
Qi Gong, however, has to be my favourite out of all of these. Best done outdoors in the morning, it is mind-boggling how effective moving Qi around the body really is.
Working with the elements and more rhythmic and repetitive movements than Tai Chi, my experience with Qi Gong actually brought me, jaw-droppingly close to the feet of the positive masculine.
I loved waking up every morning, meditating, and then going outside for some invigorating (but loving) Qi Gong. Again, depends on the instructor, but after a week or two of this, your body will be singing with joy, and in full working order again.
What I love about Qi Gong, is that it really connected me with nature as well as my body. And, as with any Chinese-related practices, I could actually feel the elements in my body. In a sort of macro-cosmic/micro-cosmic alignment, all imbalances were seen off, and my Qi was reawakened.
After a few weeks of Qi Gong, my feet were firmly rooted to the ground, and I felt a sense of peace I haven’t experienced from anything else.
Now we’re at the last practice, I’m realizing how I could have written about Pilates (scary teacher shouting at me about how to find my pelvic floor), or Tai Chi (fun, but I never quite ‘came back to myself’, the way I did with Qi Gong), yet there are no second thoughts.
I stick by my list as the most influential practices to reconnect. With yourself, with nature… with the person you once were before shock and trauma struck.
There are so many ways to reconnect. Each practice, although they may not always be that taxing physically, brings the practitioner back to their body, and is all about reconnecting to their true selves, rather than pain. These practices, might literally, change your life.
What would it mean if you could say yes to everything that has happened in your life? Not being a foolhardy yes-person, but rather accepting things as they have been, being positive about the ups and downs in your life.
What would your life be like if you could not only accept that, but revel in it? What if you could live your life as if every moment mattered enough to live it on repeat?
What if you could say yes to your life in a profound way, and really love even the most terrible of moments? Would you want to do that? What would it do for your life if you could say yes in this way? How would it change the way you live your life?
These ultimately are the questions that Nietzsche wants us to ask about our lives. He lays eternal recurrence out as a litmus test of sorts for the quality of our lives.
What Is Eternal Recurrence?
Nietzsche famously writes about eternal recurrence in The Gay Science aphorism 341 titled “The Greatest Weight”, “What if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence—even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!’
Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus?
Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine’? If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are or perhaps crush you. The question in each and every thing, ‘Do you desire this once more and innumerable times more?’ would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life?”
Nietzsche, Friedrich Wilhelm. The Gay Science; with a Prelude in Rhymes and an Appendix of Songs. Translated by Walter Arnold Kaufmann. New York: Vintage Books, 1974, 273
In other words, eternal recurrence is the idea that our lives will be repeated endlessly: every pain, every joy, every moment of boredom or excitement.
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“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
The wounds of the past can take years to heal. And the only act which will ever seal them, dear one, is forgiveness. But forgiveness can be achingly tough, because you don’t want to admit you were wrong to hold on to your pain.
Your ego wants to be right, and it doesn’t want to roll over like a dog and have its belly tickled. It likes to hold rigidly onto every wrong, and make the other pay.
That’s not to say being forgiven is being pardoned. Far from it. Forgiveness acknowledges the other has done something wrong, and it releases you from your emotional response to it. It also puts up boundaries, so you need not be hurt again.
Now, let’s take a moment to study the opening quote from this article a little better.
You didn’t choose to be hurt. Or course you didn’t. It was perhaps the other’s pigheadedness, or a divine way of allowing you to learn the lessons you came here to learn.
You are not the weak in Gandhi’s wise words. You are strong… You just haven’t done the forgiving yet.
But you will.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes uses four stages to work her clients through forgiveness. In order, they are:
To Forego ~
To forego, is to detach dear one. You will need to stop thinking about them. In being without them; in our presence, in our words, and in our thoughts for a while, we may begin to heal.
You must be brave and allow yourself to recognize you haven’t forgiven them. And you need to give yourself time to live. For a while, at least. Forego them.
Be without them, and be without the anger. Be without the story, and know that, when the time is right, you’ll be able to face the unforgivable, and bring it to the surface. Without them taking up space in front of you, go without.
In psychological studies, the first step is to be angry. But you’ve already been angry, and it has defined you. If you need to be angry, forego by being physical. Sweat it out of yourself by running, or rowing, or swimming.
Forego by shifting your focus. The only way to get out of a cycle of unforgiveness, and therefore stagnancy, is to move the flow of attention, from the target of your upset, to something else.
To Forebear ~
Now you have decided the time is right, dear one, you can practice generosity, and forebear.
To forebear is to have compassion. And you are ready. You are able to see the situation from a higher perspective, and can see the person for who, or what they are. A learning mechanism. The seams are revealed to you and you are able to play god.
This may come to you in pieces. You decided you wanted to forgive them, but the memories of the injustice still come flooding back. When you decide to forgive, the universe will conspire to make it happen. It’s been waiting for you, and it’s happy you are finally here.
You can see the bigger picture, and you know what you need to do. But it’s going to take you out of your comfort zone. So hold on, it’s coming.
To Forget ~
When you no longer seek to hold a person accountable day and night, then it means you are ready. You’ve had enough of thinking about what wrongs they did, no matter how awful their actions.
And you’d like for those memories to no longer be who you are. You’re moving away from the story my love, and you wish to be free from it.
Sometimes, we need to refuse to dwell. You can put it in a drawer marked ‘forgiven’, and move on. You can put a figurative lid on it, and decide to make peace. You may always know about those terrible times, or that deep sense of hurt, but you will no longer need to spit fire or sob into your pillow about it. Even in light of the most unforgiveable acts, you can find peace from them in allowing yourself to forget.
Forget, forget, allow yourself to forget. You won’t regret it child, it’ll make you strong again. It’ll make you wise.
“It is important to remember that a “final” forgiveness is not a surrender.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes
To Forgive ~
The final stage of forgiveness, is to let go. In releasing the other from the debt you hold them to, you are also setting them free.
Not to be without blame you understand. But to feel their mistakes at last and be held accountable for them. Perhaps not externally, but internally for sure.
A sign you have forgiven, is sorrow. Sorrow is often waiting under rage, and under sorrow, fear. Psychology says to let yourself out of emotional prison, and that is what anger has been for you, hasn’t it?
The art of forgiveness can take years off us. It can, and will be your rebirth my sweet. It will be the dawning of a new you. You have reframed your enemy, and transformed your rage into nectar. and now you are like god. You are capable of compassion, and have learned so much. You should be proud.
In forgiving another, you have also forgiven yourself, and it’s there that you’ve grown the most. You understand now, that everything springs from you, and that you are a creator.
You are creating exactly what you need, and you should be gentle with yourself for that. You have come so far and learned the art of forgiveness. You are worthy.
Further Reading
An article on psychologist Robert Enright’s process The Four Stages of Forgiveness, from the chapter ‘Marking Territories: The Boundaries of Rage and Forgiveness’, Pg 370, from Women Who Run with the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
