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5 Reasons to Stop Looking for Other People’s Approval

Life

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February 10, 2016

5 Reasons to Stop Looking for Other People’s Approval

“Because one believes in oneself one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself one doesn’t need others approval. Because one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her.” ~ Lao Tzu

So we’ve all been guilty time and again of seeking approval and validation from other people. In fact, a huge part of our adolescent and young adult years centers around not only trying to form an identity of who we are and what we stand for, but also determining if our sense of self is accepted by the people in our lives.

Over time, if the need to get other people’s approval grows disproportionate to seeking our own approval first and foremost, we begin to be at the mercy of others. We suddenly begin to need others to give us the permission to be ourselves and that is always a recipe for disaster.

Anytime we deny our own wants, needs, aspirations, and emotions to please or live up to other people’s expectations we send messages of abandonment to our inner child.

What we are basically telling our inner child is, “You, yourself are not good enough… unless you can get the validation from other people. So as long as you can meet other people’s approval requirements you can be worthy of love.”

If we can imagine a real life child being told this over and over, we can get an idea of what a complex this child would begin to form over time about their own unworthiness.

“People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most.” ~ Wayne Dyer

At the end of the day, we must be the ones who determines our own worthiness. When we become the one who accepts and loves our self more than anyone, we find that gaining the approval of others is no longer an issue that we struggle with.

Below are 5 reasons you should stop seeking other people’s approval:

1) You’ll never meet their expectations, and that’s ok

Ok, so sometimes you will. Sometimes you will be the most amazing friend, parent, spouse, employee, and sometimes you won’t. There are always going to be instances in life where your idea of what is “right” does not match up with someone else’s idea and that is not only ok, but a perfect opportunity to grow.

These are the circumstances that life gives us that allow us to find empathy for others, to put ourselves in their shoes or to explain our point of view to another so that they might learn something as well.

There will never be anyone that we agree with or meet their approval 100% of the time, and if we know this, we stop putting undue pressure on ourselves to live up to another person’s image of us.

2) You’ll make genuine connections with other people

If we are constantly changing who we are in order to gain the approval of others we don’t give other people the chance to get to know the real us. Not to mention, most people catch on after a while if you begin to change your behavior, point of view, or opinion on things that are more “acceptable” and similar to theirs.

And while it may be flattering at first to find someone that wants your approval so much that they are willing to change who they are, but that will soon fizzle out.

Genuine people want genuine connections with others, not people who will just tell them what they want to hear in order to get their validation. The best route is to always be ourselves even if who we are might ruffle another person’s feathers every once in a while.

People will respect someone who is confident in their own truth, even if they don’t necessarily agree with it.

3) We will get to know ourselves better

A huge part of maturing into a self-aware person is discovering who we are, why we are that way, and why we do the things we do. These discoveries often come wrapped in the disapproval of others.

Think about it, when someone does not agree or give us their approval of who we are (or who they think we are), it gives us a chance to reflect on ourselves, our behavior or our emotions. Soon, a more intimate relationship with our own hearts is formed which allows us to be more confident in our being regardless of whether or not someone else approves.

“You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations and needs and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you–it’s something inherent. You exist, and therefore you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold on to the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise.” ~ Danielle Koepke

4) We will feel liberated

To constantly be worried about what other people think about us and about living up to other people’s standards is to live in constant fear of, “Am I good enough?”

However, when we start to realize that people don’t see us how we are but rather see us how they are, we stop the exhausting effort of trying to get other people to see us in a certain way.

And this leads to a freedom that is priceless. True power lies in the hands of the person who only seek to be their most authentic self regardless of what other people think.

5) You can only be a first rate version of you

Every one of us is completely unique and there is a reason for our existence. When we abandon our true selves to meet other people’s expectations we deny the world something very special…us.

So much time has been wasted trying to be like others only to realize that no one of us was put here to be exactly like what other people or society say we “should” be. By only looking for our own acceptance we become the best us that we can possibly be, and that’s all anyone could really ask of us.

Ironically, the less we require other people’s acceptance of us, the more we will find ourselves around people who give it to us naturally. As our own acceptance of ourselves rises, we naturally move towards relationships where we are treated as good if not better than we treat our own selves.

And this helps us to form lasting and healthy relationships with others, which is truly the mark of a person who is rooted in unconditional love.

Image Source

Marianne Goodell by Allowing Sadness
Freedom art

6 Yoga Poses to Keep Stress & Anxiety at Bay

Life
Yoga

Sonali Bansal

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February 8, 2016

0

6 Yoga Poses to Keep Stress & Anxiety at Bay

Stress and anxiety is the most common cause of illness around the world, its the price we pay in this age of busy lifestyle, information overload and digital bombardment. It not only affects us emotionally but can exacerbate any health condition.

Stress seems to worsen or increase the risk of conditions like obesity, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, diabetes, depression, gastrointestinal problems, and asthma.

Before we reach such a state we can nip stress in the bud and improve our mental state with the practice of yoga, which is not only an effective stress reliever, but also a way to ease symptoms of anxiety, stress and depression.

By focusing our attention on the body and breath, yoga can release physical and emotional tension.

A study highlighting the benefits of yoga for stress, anxiety and depression, was conducted on 90 women who claimed to be emotionally distressed.

They were offered 2 classes for 90 minutes on yoga every week and after three months, the results mentioned, “At the end of three months, women in the yoga group reported improvements in perceived stress, depression, anxiety, energy, fatigue, and well-being. Depression scores improved by 50%, anxiety scores by 30%, and overall well-being scores by 65%. Initial complaints of headaches, back pain, and poor sleep quality also resolved much more often in the yoga group than in the control group.”

There is significant evidence of the broad-ranging benefits of yoga, both as a treatment and as a preventative form of medicine and health care.

Here are six asanas that can leave you feeling calm and positive, with a sense of being able to cope with whatever life has to throw at you.

Padangusthasana or Big Toe Pose

Method: Stand upright with feet six inches apart, and your legs completely straight. Lifting your arms, take a deep breath, and as you exhale, bend forward from your hip joints, moving your torso and head as one unit.

Wrap your index and middle fingers around the big toe, closing with the thumb to get a firm grip of your toes. Press your toes down against your fingers. If you can’t reach your toes, place your palms on the feet or calves, whichever position is more comfortable.

Ensure you are not putting extra pressure on your back. Also, the knees can be slightly bent for beginners. With an inhalation, lift your torso as if you were going to stand up again, straightening your elbows.

Exhale, release your torso and bend towards your toes again. Repeat this a few times depending on your comfort. Slowly come back to the starting position by bringing your torso and head as a single unit back to upright. Repeat this asana 3-4 times or as long as you desire.

Benefits: Forward bends are excellent for calming our nervous system. This posture provides a release of the upper body and soothes the mind through gentle inversion. It keeps blood pressure under check, relieves back ache, and increases blood circulation to the brain.

The Big Toe Pose increases muscle density and burn fat accumulated in them. It cures headache and insomnia, making the body more flexible at the same time.

Contraindications: Avoid this pose with lower back or neck injuries.

Prasarita Padottanasana series or Wide-Legged Standing Forward Bend pose

Method: Prasarita Padottanasana is an extension of the big toe pose. Stand in Tadasana, spread your feet 3-4 feet apart, balanced and firmly grounded. As you inhale, lengthen the spine, stretch arms overhead. Exhale, bend forward from the hip joints, keeping the spine straight.

Place your hands on the floor first in front of you to form a 90-degree from your elbow and touch your head to the floor (in between your hands). You can also use a block or bolster to place the head on it.

If your hands reach the feet, get hold of your big toes and pull on them to get a deeper bend. Ensure your back is straight all the time. Gently exhale as you revert to the starting position.

Benefits: This pose relaxes the back, tones the abdomen and legs. It improves blood circulation in the upper body thereby, relieving from mild headaches, fatigue and depression.

Additionally, it promotes good digestion, calms the mind and central nervous system.

Contraindications: Those suffering from sinus, congestion, backache or knee pain should avoid this pose.

Supta Baddha konasana or Reclining bound angle pose

Method: Come in a seated position with your soles pressed together. Keep your knees bending outward and your heels pulled in as near to your body without any strain.

Keep the back straight and place the hands on top of the feet. This is Butterfly pose or Baddha Konasana. Now, exhale and lower yourself gently to the yoga mat and/or blankets.

The inner groin is pushed inside to help the pelvis settle smoothly on the floor. Bring your arms out to your sides to open the heart chakra and close your eyes and breathe normally.

Beginner’s can place a bolster underneath the torso to avoid overstretching the inner thighs or groin muscles. So your entire back along with the head rests on it.

Also, the knees have a tendency to lift up, don’t try to push them towards the floor because this might harden the groin and thigh muscles even more.

Stay in this pose for a few breaths. Initially, you can remain in this pose for a minute, but you can gradually increase the amount of time to around 10 minutes.

Benefits: On a hectic day, this is a great restorative pose to perform when you are back home. You will feel the lower body opening up and relaxing completely.

It relaxes your mind, stretches your inner thigh and groin muscles, frees energy flow in your pelvic area and stimulates your abdominal organs. It also helps relieve the symptoms of stress, mild depression, PMS and menopause.

Contraindications: People suffering from lower back, groin or knee injuries should perform this pose with bolster underneath both their knees for extended support.

Balasana or Child’s pose

Method: Child’s pose is one of the must do poses for people who are looking for deeper relaxation. Come in thunderbolt pose (Vajrasana), inhale and lift your hands up.

Stretch as high as you can to elongate the spine and as you exhale, slowly rest your torso over your thighs so that your forehead touches the mat. Lift your buttocks slightly and stretch your arms over your head.

Place your palms on the floor and reach your arms until you feel your shoulder blades stretching across your back. Sit back down on your heels without changing the position of your arms. Feel your torso lengthening.

Close your eyes, steady your breathing and sense a deeper level of relaxation. Stay here as long as you like. Once you are done, inhale and lengthen the torso forward over the thighs and rise up as the tailbone presses down into the pelvis and towards the heels.

Benefits: It calms the mind and alleviates anxiety and stress as it releases tension and deeply relaxes your back muscles, spine, shoulders and neck. Child’s pose also increases blood circulation to your head which reduces headaches. It flexes the body’s internal organs and keeps them supple.

Contraindications: Pregnant women and people suffering from diarrhoea or knee injury should not perform this pose.

Viparita Karani or Legs-Up-the-Wall Pose

Method: Before you begin, make sure you have either one or two thickly folded blankets or a firm round bolster for your support. Sit sideways on the right (or left) end of the support, depending on your comfort.

On an exhale, gently lie down on your back and pivot yourself so that the back of your legs is pressed against the wall and your feet is facing up. You may need to adjust the support to find your way into this position.

If you have any discomfort in your lower back, adjust your body slightly back from the wall so that your sitting bones are not touching it. Keep your spine straight and rest your head on the mat or floor, forming a 90 degree angle.

Place your hands down by your sides, palms facing upwards. Close your eyes and take deep breaths. You can also bend your knees a little so your kneecaps don’t lock. Stay in this pose for 5 to 15 minutes.

To come out of this pose, slide off the support if you have used one, and gently roll to the side.

Benefits: Legs up the Wall Pose is a restorative pose and gentle inversion that eases anxiety and stress, calms the mind, relieves lower back pain and tired legs. It is also therapeutic for arthritis, headaches, high & low blood pressure and insomnia.

Contraindications: Women during menstruation and second & third trimester of their pregnancy should avoid this inversion. Also, people with serious eye problems, such as glaucoma should not perform this pose.

With serious neck or back problems only perform this pose with the supervision of an experienced teacher.

Savasana or Corpse Pose

Method: Lie gently on your back, lift your pelvis and slide your tailbone away to comfortably spread your lower back. Keep just a light, natural arch to your lower back. Rest your pelvis on the ground.

Place both the feet and the arms 3 to 4 feet apart with palms facing the ceiling. Support the back of the head and neck on a folded blanket, if you like.

Now close your eyes and take a slow deep breath. As you exhale, let your body relax and sink into the floor. Maintain stillness as you relax and quiet the mind. Loosen your whole body completely, like its sinking in the floor. Stay here for as long as you like.

Benefits: This pose gets its name from the posture of a dead body. It requires the stillness of a corpse, which makes it a challenging one. Savasana helps in the repair of tissues and cells and in releasing stress.

Contraindications: In case of back injury or discomfort, do this pose with your knees bent and your feet on the floor, hip-distance apart. Pregnant women must raise their head and chest on a bolster.

Always work within your own range of limits and abilities. If you have any medical concerns, talk with your yoga teacher or doctor before practicing yoga.

You can make this a part of your regular yoga routine, or you simply perform these poses before sleeping after a hectic day. Follow this routine with pranayama which can help free the mind of the unnecessary thoughts that breed anxiety.

Or try these simple breathing exercises to improve your mental and emotional state, and help you to manage stress and anxiety.

Image source

Yoga art by Geoglyphiks
Savasana
Child pose
Legs up the wall pose
Yoga and stress

May the Forest be With You: Five Ways to become an Environmental Jedi

Issues

Gary Z McGee

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February 7, 2016

1

May the Forest be With You: Five Ways to become an Environmental Jedi

“Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.” ~ Juvenal

It shouldn’t be too difficult to imagine that you are Luke Skywalker and the militarized, oppressive government is the Empire. Now go one step further and imagine I am Yoda in a backpack slung tight over your shoulder cryptically articulating wisdom into your ear.

We’re running through the forest, interdependent and one with nature, the force moving through us like fire born from the crucible of stars past.

Nature and Soul is quantum entangled inside us, binding us to all things as we eco-consciously crush out, revealing the infinite interconnection of all things like we’re individual mirrors mirroring the mighty mirror of the cosmos.

The force is a smeared out wavefunction collapsing all around us into rushing rivers, majestic mountains, translucent trees, and flourishing flowers. Sky above us, earth below us, fire inside us, we are self-actualizing the moment.

But this is your first taste of the Force, your first nibble of Zen, the tip of the iceberg of a mind-altering, soul-crushing, life-changing way of perceiving the universe: interdependently. And so my first words to you are the following: “You must unlearn what you have learned.”

1) Meditation and solitude

“In solitude, be to thyself a throng.” ~ Tibullus by Montaigne

You don’t have to do a one-handed handstand while balancing Yoda on one foot and lifting R2D2 and a bunch of rocks with the Force in order to enjoy the awesome benefits of meditation.

Nor do you need to become a reclusive hermit on a swampy jungle-world in the outermost reaches of the galaxy in order to enjoy the awesome benefits of solitude. You need only get away from the typical (whatever that means for you) world and be mindfully present with nature for a few days.

That’s it. The more days the better, sure, but remember: all things in moderation, to include becoming a socially awkward hermit. We are all social creatures, so we definitely need each other. Even when the other social creatures in our world are brainwashed, culturally conditioned, half-witted, scruffy looking Nerf-herders, we still have to do the tribal/cultural/societal/national song-and-dance in order to be human.

But there’s no reason why we can’t let our rebel-hearts off the Empire’s hook from time to time to catch a breath of fresh Tattooine-air, no matter how dry and dusty it is. We do this by putting things into proper perspective.

And nothing puts things into better perspective than the energy which surrounds us and binds us: the Force (i.e. the interconnectedness of Nature).

2) Learn a language older than words

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.” ~ Rumi

So what does the Force (Nature) have to teach us? The first thing it teaches us is that everything is connected, from the tiniest quark to the largest quasar. Everything from Han Solo’s left eyebrow to Jabba the Hutt’s slimy tongue is made from the carbon once cooked in a star.

As Carl Sagan simply stated, “We are made of star stuff.” As Yoda cryptically stated, “My ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere.”

This teaches us that everything is already differentiated unity, guiding us to unite the conscious with the primitive, the sensible with the sentient, enlightenment with humor.

The next most important thing the Force (Nature) teaches us is the ancient language spoken between all things. It’s a silent voice, a sacred resonance that connects what seems to be disconnected, but is only seemingly so because of our limited perception of reality. This voice reminds us when we’ve forgotten.

It wakes us up when we’ve fallen asleep. It questions us when we’ve become complacent with our answers. It’s the metaphorical ghost of Obi Wan Kanobi advising Luke to seek the wisdom of Yoda.

It’s Mahatma Gandhi speaking posthumously to us: “Live simply so that others may simply live.”

3) Guerilla/freestyle gardening

“Anarchy is all around us. Without it, our world would fall apart. All progress is due to it. All order extends from it. All blessed things that rise above the state of nature are owed to it. The human race thrives only because of the lack of control, not because of it. I’m saying that we need ever more absence of control to make the world a more beautiful place. It is a paradox that we must forever explain.” ~ Jeffery Tucker

Freedom is the battle cry of all sacred warriors, including Jedi. And nothing makes people more free than when what they need for their survival is also free. Air is free, though the Empire and its ignorant citizens are poisoning it to cataclysmic ends.

Water is free, but only to the extent that we can filter pollutants out of it before Nestle gets its greedy hands on it and bottles it. Food is free, but only if we grow it or know how to forage it.

Land, for the most part, is not free, especially in places ravaged by colonialism. We are the only animal stupid enough to expect to survive in an environment that doesn’t provide what it needs to survive.

We wouldn’t expect a fish to survive out of water. Or a seed to sprout on a steel plate. And yet that is what we’ve been expecting of ourselves. So what’s an environmental Jedi to do? The same thing a regular Jedi would do: Get free and hold ignorant people and corrupt power accountable!

In a world where food is locked up and the money created to buy that food is debt-ridden, based on nothing but thin-air, and soaked in slave-labor’s blood, the only sane thing to do is rebel against the empire guilty of financial fascism. The rebel alliance could just as well be called the rebel anarchists. Getting free is becoming a rebel anarchist.

Guerilla gardening and freestyle gardening, combined with the knowledge of the Force (interconnectedness of Nature) is becoming a rebel anarchist par excellence. It’s becoming a force for Nature. It’s becoming the Force. It’s using that awesome power to counter the genocide and ecocide of the Empire of Chaos that’s destabilizing planetary life cycles at every level.

4) The seed is more powerful than the sword (lightsaber)

“The court is corrupt, the fields are overgrown with weeds, the granaries are empty; yet there are those dressed in fineries, with swords at their sides, filled with food and drink, and possessed of too much wealth. This is known as taking the lead in robbery. Far indeed is this from the Way.” ~ Lao Tzu

Environmental Jedi, like regular Jedi, are responsible for holding everybody, including the powers-that-be, accountable to the Force (the Interconnectedness of Nature).

The way they do that is by planting seeds. From literal seeds that can feed millions, to seeds of thought that can wake up millions, to seeds of humility that can humble the powers-that-be (Emperor Palpatine) and anybody else who takes more than they need or becomes too immoderate with their power (Darth Vader). The seeds that a Jedi plants are seeds that bind the Force to the human soul, and vice versa.

The seed is more powerful than the lightsaber because no amount of force can resist an idea whose time has come. The seed is more powerful than the lightsaber because even Jedi need sustenance and a healthy environment in order to become strong enough to wield their lightsabers, let alone survive.

The seed is more powerful than the lightsaber because the strategically planted seed determines whether a Jedi loses himself in the dark side of the force or discovers himself in the light.

And so it is with the environmental Jedi, the seed is the most powerful element in the Jedi’s arsenal because it determines the difference between light and dark, vivacity and entropy, life and death.

5) Practice the Art of Fighting Without Fighting

“You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Adaptive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.” ~ Yoda

If, as Yoda said, “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering,” then it behooves us to not have fear at the foundation of our apprenticeship. And the best way to do that is to practice the Art of Fighting without Fighting.

This is the ability to inject compassion, humility, and humor into spaces typically occupied by violence, anger, and hate. It’s the ability to rise above any situation, to adapt and overcome using higher frequency meta-mind to trump lower frequency primitive-mind. It’s using the Force (the interconnectedness of Nature) to leverage life against death, compassion against carelessness, and humor against violence.

Life is constantly in a yin-yang grip. Jedi know this more than most. The Art of Fighting without Fighting loosens that grip and allows things to be more of a smeared-out Middle Gray sifted through Nature’s Golden Mean (The Force). Compassion becomes self-actualized because one understands that Self-is-world and World-is-self.

So harming the “other” is harming the “self.” Better to trick the “other” instead, using humorous subterfuge or mindful legerdemain. Better to make a mockery of fighting in the first place, using Yoda-like foolish wisdom. Better to fool our “opponents” into tripping over their own violence rather than lower ourselves to their emotional chaos.

This is a critical art to master in today’s world. We have way too much Goliath (Empire) and not enough David (Jedi). We must be capable of using our wit to counter the Empire’s might, lest we end up hoodwinked by the corruption of power and its potential to become absolute.

Becoming an environmental Jedi is becoming a force of nature for the environment. And since the environment is us and we are the environment, environmental Jedi are a force for us all.

They understand, as Bill Plotkin says, “What you find in nature is what works. It wouldn’t be there if it didn’t. Boundless wisdom awaits.”

Image source:

May the forest be with you
Han Solo
Meat coated skeleton
Banksy art
The power of planting seeds
Sun Tzu quote

Why You Should Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

Life

Nikki Sapp

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February 5, 2016

0

Why You Should Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

“Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.” ~ Og Mandino

Stop. Think. When was the last time you laughed a hearty, full-bodied chuckle? When was the last time you acted silly and felt really good doing it? When was the last time you truly enjoyed yourself?

If these questions are hard for you to answer you may have caught a case of “too insightful for my own good syndrome,” meaning all of your wisdom, awakeness or pondering the deeper meanings of existence have taken full precedence of one of life’s greatest gifts…laughter and joy.

It seems that once one starts fighting the good fight in this world by either standing up for justice, spreading “truth” or delving into the mysteries of the universe they can become so preoccupied with the truth (whatever that may be for said person) that they can often start taking themselves and life in general just a little too seriously.

And there is nothing more tragic than a person who wastes an entire lifetime by never taking the time to smell the roses every now and again. Now yes, as we’ve all heard a million times life is about balance.

There is something to be said about hard work, standing up for what you believe in and being driven, but if we don’t every now and then look at ourselves or this whole existence thing we have going on here and get a good laugh out of all of it, life can become quite miserable. And that state of mind is never fun… or funny.

Below are four reasons you should stop taking yourself so seriously.

1) Life gets dull and so do you

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” ~ Unknown

Having fun while either doing something that makes us laugh, being around people who draw out our silliness or even just partaking in an activity that we truly enjoy is a huge part of what makes life worth living.

Over time, if we solely focus on work, making money, studying or in complete solitude we will undoubtedly miss out on the fun side of life. If this is where you have found yourself, don’t beat yourself up. Life can be stressful. Things happen. Bills need to be paid. Work needs to be done.

But all of these things are done properly and effectively by a person who feels good and makes time to have fun. Fun and silliness can come in any number of forms ranging between making up silly songs with our kids, playing a sport for fun purposes, or even watching a comedy movie.

As we allow ourselves time to just relax and laugh we will notice that certain spice our life had been missing. And soon, our dull boring life will begin to feel joyful again which makes for the times we spend working to be a lot easier and less stressful.

2) You gain a fresh perspective on things

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all you could be missing out on the joke of the universe.” ~ Joan Rivers

Has the thought ever crossed your mind that none of this really means anything? Like we get so worked up about our life’s circumstances and we find ourselves becoming so attached to our ideas and to people and things but in the end every single one of us will eventually meet our end of days. This can sound like a depressing thought, but it can also be quite liberating as well.

If you don’t take the chance to look at yourself and life from a third party perspective every once in a while you can really start to become attached to this character you think you’re playing in this lifetime. By seeing our character from this broader perspective and taking the time to laugh at ourselves we not only give ourselves a much needed time-out of our game of life, but it can also be quite healing.

There’s a reason they say, “laughter is the best medicine”. And think about it, you never hear anyone on their death bed saying, “You know, I should have taken life more seriously. I should have laughed less and worried more.”

If none of us are getting out of this alive then why not give ourselves permission to find the comedy in this whole thing now and again?

3) There is a wisdom and maturity that comes from being able to laugh at oneself

“To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity” ~ William Arthur Ward

The older and more mature we become we realize a couple of very important lessons in life. People, including ourselves, make mistakes. And if we take ourselves too seriously we will never forgive ourselves for said mistakes.

The more we try and do everything perfect the more we not only set a unreachable standard for ourselves (which gives us reason to keep judging and criticizing ourselves) but we then start expecting other people to live up to this standard as well (which never happens).

Wisdom shows us that we are all doing the best we can, and there’s going to be moments in our life where we are really proud of ourselves and there’s also going to be times where we fall in front of a group of people, or go up the wrong person somewhere thinking it was someone else, and that’s, gasp, OK.

We’ve all been there now and again and when we give ourselves and others the permission to not take things so seriously, we become like a breath of fresh air in a world that is often too hard on itself.

4) We feel relaxed more often than not

Now we all have the free will to see life however we want to, but have you ever noticed that people who don’t take themselves too seriously seem to be having a lot more fun doing it?

It’s almost as if when crisis or adversity happens they immediately align themselves with a perspective that allows them to either see the humor in tragedy or to find a solution much quicker because they aren’t putting so much pressure on themselves to always be “right.”

At a certain point in life we must start trusting that something here has our back and is watching out for us. In that knowing, fun and relaxation is much easier to find in a majority of life’s circumstances.

Life has a funny way of showing us exactly what lesson is next in line for our evolution and growth. So, if you have found yourself wound a little too tight or slightly stressed more than you would prefer, don’t fret.

I dare to say, that soon enough, you will be given yet another humbling experience from the universe that shall allow you to see the silliness in life, and with this, another opportunity to laugh… at yourself.

Image Source

Cartoon
Just Relax

How I Healed My Craziness Holistically

Ester Eckhaus

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February 3, 2016

5

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us.” ~ David Richo

My experience with traditional therapy was mostly a game of “Who can pinpoint the diagnosis first?” As a young teenager I was depressed, suicidal, and self-harming. So my parents sent me to therapy, as most worried parents do for their children.

My therapist did not lend me any insight into my personality, or what I needed to do to live a healthy lifestyle; we just sat hour after hour and compiled a list of symptoms to put a diagnosis to my craziness.

After which I would no doubt receive pills. I went along readily because I was in pain and wanted any kind of help I could get. After such diagnoses as “Adjustment Disorder,” “Borderline Personality Disorder,” and “Bipolar Disorder,” one therapist pinpointed a diagnosis on the spectrum of Bipolar. I was flying high, I finally had a word for all my pain and confusion! Now what?

In none of my sessions did we talk about which thoughts made me feel sad or anxious. We never talked about my sleeping or eating habits. We never talked about what I wanted from my life, or where I felt unfulfilled. We never talked about my personality and how that personality manifests in its healthiest and unhealthiest forms.

We never entered into my mysterious spiritual world that was bubbling under the surface. We never even talked about the horrible effects of keeping one’s feelings bottled up, of which I did a fair amount. We never talked about my purpose in this world.

A therapist must go past the diagnosis in their manual, and the pills that promise an easy fix. In traditional therapy, we are too used to these handy tools that don’t go anywhere in the long run. In holistic therapy, and medicine, we look at the full person, from body, to soul, to personality, and back. As in traditional education, we are in the process of learning to go from a one-size-fits-all system, to a more individualized and holistic approach.

This will make all the difference in dealing with psychology and “mental illness.” I did not have a mental illness. I have a creative and fast-paced mind, and this causes overthinking and anxiety when I don’t take care of myself and my creativity the way I need to. Many people are being pushed into categories that hurt more than they help. What we need is therapy that really looks at a person, the whole of that person, and not just their symptoms.

There are many therapies and therapists who do wonders for their patients, but both patient and therapist must be willing to look at the full person, and really listen and dig through the mind and soul, in order to come to the peace they so desire.

A diagnosis in one person’s book is a spiritual gift in another’s. My “Disorder” on one hand was the pain of depression and the jittery mania of anxiety, on the other hand was my creativity that became insomnia, and my empathy and sensitivity that led to unhealthy coping mechanisms. This is to say that on the other side of every diagnosis is a unique gift calling out for attention.

The journey of how I healed my craziness holistically

I healed myself slowly through the love and care of others, and through the love and care that I gave to myself, as I slowly realized that I deserved it and that my love was necessary. And through this journey of healing, I found that each disorder was indeed where the person had the most light.

Every addiction, disorder, and wound was the door to love, healing, and purpose. I am not saying that it makes the pain easier at the time; in fact most are so utterly blind to this light that they stay in the dark longer than needed.

“Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

This is what I suggest to a person who is in this darkness; the person who is digging through diagnoses for the right one. Stop. Breathe. And answer these questions.
You can even sit down with a friend, or a therapist, in order to gain more insight from your answers.

What purpose do I want my life to have on the other side of this darkness?
What would my life look like without these bad habits?
Can I find a piece of light inside me?
Can I feel a piece of love inside me?
Who am I in my healthiest form? What qualities does my healthy self possess?
Which thoughts make me feel (anxious, depressed, lonely, frustrated etc)? What would I (my life) look like without this emotion?
Which habits bring more light into my life?
Which habits bring more light into the lives of those around me?
What do I want to receive from this life? Am I receiving it now? If not, how can I?
What would I regret not doing or having in my life?
Is there a phrase in my life that stops me from answering heavy questions? Such as “I don’t know?” What can I substitute for this phrase in order to get to a more solid answer?
Do I know myself? How can I get to know myself better?
Do I love myself? Does the love for myself depend on something specific, or is it unconditional?

When someone is in pain, therapy is very often sought out. A good therapist knows that his patient is more than just a diagnosis and pills, and treats them as their full spiritually complex being. In order to be fully healed we must be able to ask ourselves tough questions and deal head on with many emotions; a traditional therapist can guide us through these steps, but ultimately the hard, and rewarding work lies with the patient and his/her journey.

In the structure of traditional therapy there are many different methods, such as cognitive, psychoanalysis, behavioral, etc. Each focuses on different parts of the person. And this may work for many people, but a more holistic approach can make a patient feel whole and have longer lasting effects on their mental health.

Many other alternative therapies can be used such as working with a spiritual healer, EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) and EFT tapping therapy, Reiki techniques, Reflexology, as well as many other self-help/healing techniques. There are many different ways to go from the dark times, into the potential light that lies in each person.

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Healing process

Fractal Enlightenment

Below are 5 reasons you should stop seeking other people’s approval:

1) You’ll never meet their expectations, and that’s ok

2) You’ll make genuine connections with other people

3) We will get to know ourselves better

4) We will feel liberated

5) You can only be a first rate version of you

Here are six asanas that can leave you feeling calm and positive, with a sense of being able to cope with whatever life has to throw at you.

Padangusthasana or Big Toe Pose

Prasarita Padottanasana series or Wide-Legged Standing Forward Bend pose

Supta Baddha konasana or Reclining bound angle pose

Balasana or Child’s pose

Viparita Karani or Legs-Up-the-Wall Pose

Savasana or Corpse Pose

1) Meditation and solitude

2) Learn a language older than words

3) Guerilla/freestyle gardening

4) The seed is more powerful than the sword (lightsaber)

5) Practice the Art of Fighting Without Fighting

Below are four reasons you should stop taking yourself so seriously.

1) Life gets dull and so do you

2) You gain a fresh perspective on things

3) There is a wisdom and maturity that comes from being able to laugh at oneself

4) We feel relaxed more often than not

The journey of how I healed my craziness holistically

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