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You are Not Your Thoughts, Attracting What You Believe

“The one thing over which you have absolute control is your own thoughts. It is this that puts you in a position to control your own destiny” ~ Paul G. Thomas

It is estimated that we have anywhere from 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day.

On any given day our brains are susceptible to thousands upon thousands of “personalities” popping up in our thought patterns.

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One thought may say “I feel terrible today, I look horrible, today is going to be a bad day,” and then two hours later another thought pops up, “today has turned out to be a pretty good day, I feel great.”

And these are just examples of thoughts we have about ourselves, there are also the thoughts we have that are sitting in judgment of people and situations, “she’s in a bad mood today,” or “that man looks suspicious, he must be up to something.”

For an unaware person this could wreak havoc on their psyche. One day one personality is prevalent and the next day a different personality has taken over.

However, all of this happens so automatically that most people don’t even realize that their perspective on things is shifting constantly day to day even minute to minute sometimes.

But, what most people don’t realize is that we are not our thoughts. Not only that, but our thoughts are not even OUR thoughts.

As Dean Jackson said, “If you can watch your thoughts, you are the watcher, not the thoughts.”

So the mere fact that we can observe whether we are having a sad thought, or an angry thought, or a pessimistic thought means that are not the thoughts themselves. All thought is happening automatically.

There is an illusion that we are the one generating all of our thought patterns, and that the little commentator in our mind is our own personality and therefore we must believe everything it says as truth. But if this was true, then which personality would we be?brain-positive-thoughts

Since we have our “pessimistic” thoughts and our “optimistic” thoughts then wouldn’t it be safe to say that we are not one personality all of the time?

Once we realize that thoughts are not our own and are happening automatically, a major shift in awareness comes. Firstly we can stop judging ourselves for our supposed “bad” thoughts, which means we no longer have to feel guilty or hate ourselves for having a thought that we have deemed less than desirable.

But also, it means we can start controlling our thought patterns. We can literally start changing our entire perspective on life which will also change our life experience. In order to start picking and choosing higher quality thought patterns we only need to ask ourselves this: Which thoughts are we giving our attention to and which thoughts are we actually believing?

“Don’t believe everything that you think” ~ Unknown

We’ve already established that thoughts are happening automatically. They are coming whether we want them to or not. So now we can start establishing how we will train our minds to start feeding us thought that make us feel good. If we look at training our minds like we would be training a child or training a pet we can see that using positive reinforcement with our mind is going to be the most effective method.

When we give a child or a pet more attention when it is acting bad or unruly than we do when it is behaving well, it learns to seek out attention by acting up. He or she realizes that attention comes as a result of acting “bad” so it puts out more of that behavior in hopes that he will receive more attention as a result.
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Translate this to our thoughts, if our mind is spitting out negative, pessimistic, stress-filled thoughts and these are the ones that we entertain and give our attention to, guess which ones it will start giving us more of?

If we believe every thought that we have that things are bad, or not going well, or life is terrible, then we will start giving our attention and awareness to thoughts of this nature and when a thought comes in that tries to say otherwise, we probably will discard it and not believe it.

But, if we start only entertaining thoughts that are telling us that everything is ok, things are working out, we are worthy and deserving of happiness, then it is these types of thoughts that will amplify. Since all thought is energy, and energy will go where the attention is placed, we can assume that all of our energy will be focused on the higher vibration thought patterns (based more in love rather than fear).

Also, since like attracts like with energy we see that the more attention we give to these types of thought will attract more of the same type. Without bringing some level of awareness to what is going on inside of our heads, we run the risk of our thoughts running amuck and consequently amplifying feelings and experiences that we may not want more of.
you are not your thoughts
In order to bring some awareness and space between what our thoughts are saying and what we choose to believe we must start practicing inner stillness. In this inner stillness we give ourselves a chance to choose whether we believe a thought or not.

If we don’t do this, we start running on auto-pilot, meaning that thoughts are being thrown at us, and we become slaves to our minds instead of being its master. The best way we can practice inner stillness is through meditation.

The more we meditate we actually will start to have times with no thought at all, and soon we start experiencing longer and longer periods of time with no thought. These periods of no thought will give us even more conscious control over which thoughts we allow into our awareness and which we choose to discard.

It has been said that we don’t attract to us what we think, but we attract to us what we BELIEVE.

If we can pick and choose what we believe by bringing awareness to our thought patterns and retraining our minds, then why WOULDN’T we choose to believe that all is well, and that the universe is always supporting us? Wouldn’t these types of beliefs allow for a more enjoyable life experience??

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Understanding Narcissism and Coping with It

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In Greek mythology, Narcissus, a young man renowned for his beauty, sees his reflection in a body of water and falls in love with his own image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus fell to his death. That’s how the word “narcissism” came about.

Narcissism is a term used to describe a focus on the self and self-admiration that is taken to an extreme. It involves admiration of one’s own physical or mental attributes, often defined as excessive self-love.

Does that mean narcissism is bad or is there a healthy dose of narcissism that can be used to thrive? Lets find out more…

Healthy Narcissism

The concept of excessive self-admiration has also been explored by various philosophers and thinkers throughout history. Sigmund Freud in his paper titled ‘On Narcissism: An Introduction’ – in 1914 – suggested that narcissism is actually a normal part of the human psyche, referred by him as primary narcissism.

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The mythological Narcissus depicted by the artist Michelangelo Caravaggio

In Freud’s theory of personality, people are born without a basic sense of self, and its only through the experiences that occur during early childhood that people gain what is known as ego, or a sense of self.

As a child interacts with the outside world and is conditioned to adhere to the social and cultural expectations, he develops a perfect image of himself that the ego strives to attain.

Another psychologist Alfred Adler believed that it was natural to strive for a sense of superiority and perfection – its the need for approval driven by the ego to feel loved and important. This is healthy narcissism or a normal defense that protects us from failures and keeps us away from feelings of helplessness.

Its seen more as a morale-boosting (Healthy Narcissism) activity to keep our motivation levels up in life. In healthy narcissism, one is aware of their strengths and weaknesses and is able to have realistic expectations of their self.

There is no need for any “one-up-manship” or “one-down-manship” in the relationship. While unhealthy narcissism on the other hand is in complete contrast.

Extreme side of Narcissism

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Many times, people tend to confuse self-love with narcissism but there is a clear distinction between the two. Self-love is important to evolve mentally, physically and spiritually, whereas self-obsession is confined to our outward perception of self, position, power and status.

Self-love is triggered by sense of oneness but self-obsession is a constant struggle to fight low self-esteem, insecurity and other complex issues. Extreme Narcissism can lead to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

The disorder is caused by a severe case of egocentrism. They believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings, derived from arrogant pride and lack of empathy. Narcissists spend a good deal of their time and energy doing things to make themselves look and feel good and pumping up their egos.

More than others, a narcissistic individual is causing damage to their own mind and body. He sticks to feelings of self-grandiosity and lives under the impression that they are not prone to vulnerability.

But behind the mask of this over-confidence lies this fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism. The disorder interferes with the development of healthy relationships with others.

narcisistasssThe cause may be linked to a dysfunctional childhood, such as excessive pampering, extremely high expectations, abuse or neglect.

Narcissism on the Rise

Much research has been done to prove that narcissism has been on the rise during the last 30 years, especially among young people. People are paying more heed to entitlement instead of enlightenment.

A new study showed that Narcissists have no problem admitting they are narcissists. Even the word ‘selfie’ and what it stands for has a rather narcissistic implication, don’t you think?

People suffering from extreme narcissism need healing. More than anything, working on their thought patterns is a necessity, since that distorts their self-image and to help them create a more healthy and realistic self-image.

All human beings crave intimacy and love and to experience the same one has to be vulnerable and free. Narcissistic leaders and corporate owners rule us. Being profit-oriented and pragmatic is easy to achieve but being selfless to help one another takes some courage and is rewarding in ways that is good for the soul and mind.

If you identify yourself as a narcissistic or if you know someone who shows these traits, few things can help you deal with it.

Be compassionate

Be compassionate towards oneself and others. Understand that everyone makes mistakes, and in those mistakes lies valuable lessons of life. Learn from them and evolve.

Understand Emotions

Understand your feelings which are driving you crazy and then tell yourself that it’s momentary and you are capable of converting that feeling into something positive. For example – If you fear that you will fail and it has left you feeling anxious, encourage yourself into believing that you won’t fail.

Narcissistic have the need to be constantly admired. Here, it is a good idea to remind yourself that your existence is a beautiful creation in itself and you don’t need laurels to prove your worth constantly.

“There is a universal urge for intimacy, for trading subjectivities, in communication. For Telepathy. Our desire for it tells us about what we wish to be: truly intersubjective beings.” ~ David Porush

9309182273_392dc6422b_zEmbrace nature

Nature heals the body and mind in more ways than one. It expands our thinking and teaches us to appreciate it’s natural beauty. When you are too absorbed in yourself, you fail to enjoy the simple joys of life. Observe your surrounding. Go to beautiful places not with the idea of vacation but to unravel the unknown that lies within.

“The first act of awe, when man was struck with the beauty or wonder of nature, was the first spiritual experience.” ~ Henryk Skolimowsk

Let go of insecurities

Having insecurities blocks your flow of energy in the mind and body as few muscles and nerves always remain tensed. Insecurities won’t help, it will only worsen the problem. In fact, insecurities attract more negative energy and successfully execute Murphy’s Law. So, just breathe and take one day at a time.

“To put is still more plainly: the desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same thing. To hold your breath is to lose your breath. A society based on the quest for security is nothing but a breath-retention contest in which everyone is as taut as a drum and as purple as a beet.” ~ Alan Watts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11xX-XbTWgs

References and Image Source

Small in Between
History of Narcissism
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Lucid Dreaming in Real Life

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“The more real you get the more unreal the world gets” ~ John Lennon

 

We’ve often heard people say that this world is just an illusion, a dream of sorts that we are all dreaming up together.

John Lennon said it best when he said, “A dream you dream alone is only a dream, a dream you dream together is reality”.

So if this is true, if our life on earth is just a dream of sorts that we are all dreaming up together until we die and travel to the afterlife or to a higher dimension or whatever it is you believe happens after this physical body dies, is it possible to use the concepts of lucid dreaming in our waking life?

lucid dreamingWikipedia defines lucid dreaming as, “any dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming,” it goes on to say, “in a lucid dream the dreamer has greater chances to exert some degree of control over their participation within the dream or be able to manipulate their imaginary experiences in the dream environment.”

Just like the events in the dream depend on the dreamer’s awareness of them in order to exist, the entire world depends on our perception of it for its survival.

For example, if you are sitting in a forest looking at the trees you must realize that without you sitting there perceiving the trees, they really don’t exist.

Yes they can exist as an idea in your head, for instance if you were home later and thinking back on them, you would be able to recall them in thought, but without your conscious perception of it in the present moment, the tree technically does not tangibly exist.

Quite literally, the world we perceive is completely dependent upon us to exist.

Not only that, but for anyone who has been able to lucid dream in their sleep, they can tell you the most wonderful thing about realizing you are only dreaming inside the dream is that you lose all fear. You can actually behave in ways you wouldn’t normally behave in when you believe the dream was real.

As we all know, fear is a huge reason we hold ourselves back from following the life we truly want to live in our waking existence. However, if we start to see that fear is a part of the dream, we are able to take our fears a little less seriously.

There are many ways that seeing ourselves from the perspective that we are a dreamer who has become conscious within our own dream can not only help us to live our life more uninhibited and free, but also help us relinquish the stress and worry that comes from taking our lives too seriously.

Here are a few tips to think about to help yourself start to exert more power and control of your personal “dream”:

1.) It only has power over you if you BELIEVE it has power over you

Since we are creating our dream, who or what will be able to have power over us is completely dependent upon our belief in it in order to play a part in our dream. This is great news because, if everything that scares us or angers us or makes us stressed is depending on our own belief in it to even exist in our lives, all we have to do in order to take back our own control is stop believing in it!

lucid dreaming in real lifeFor instance most people have assigned power to things like the society, money, relationships etc… These are the things that are able to get people, angered, stressed or worried.

All of these emotions stem from fear. When you are worried about money, it’s because there’s a part of you that fears that you will not be able to get it when you need it, when you are angry at another person it stems from the fear that you are weak, that these things or people will be able to exert some sort of control over you and you fear losing control.

But these things are in YOUR dream! YOU can choose whether or not they have power over you in your present moment, and if you are still letting them get you angry they are still exerting control over you.

2.) The person you are in your dream isn’t the real “you”

When we are lucid dreaming we realize that we are our dream selves not our real selves so we take the dream and ourselves way less seriously. We can take this idea to our real life “dream” by realizing that we are not our body.

We are literally playing a part right now kind of like an actor in a movie, so have fun with it! Don’t cling so much to your labels, and realize that just like we are not the part we have chosen to play in this “movie” of our lives, neither is anyone else. Which means we can start taking them less seriously too.

3.) You can’t force yourself or anyone else to become ‘awake’ in the dream

For those who have experienced lucid dreaming in their sleep they will most likely say that when it first happened to them it happened completely by chance. It was just a gift that they were able to experience, but there was nothing they could do to force themselves ‘awake’ inside the dream.

In our waking life we often hear people saying they are ‘awake’, but I dare to say that it is a term that is used a little too loosely these days. To become awake is to literally raise to a higher state of consciousness or a raised vibration which we cannot FORCE to happen, it happens as a result of a divine intervention of sorts.

With that being said, just like a person who was trying to experience a lucid dream in their sleep, there are things we can practice that will help the process along. Things like meditation, prayer, mindfulness, therapy, and energy work are all things that that will help further along the awakening process.

The more we connect with our REAL selves (our awareness) the more our external reality looks and seems trivial and fake. We may start to hear people complaining about things that we no longer take so seriously, or we become conscious that there are so many people still completely caught up in the illusion of fear and we no longer resonate with them.

An important thing to remember is that all of these realizations happen automatically as our consciousness level rises, it is nothing that we can make happen. And just like we can’t force it upon ourselves we cannot force it upon others, we must trust that they will start to experience the world as an illusion as they get in touch with THEIR “real” selves as well.

Until then we can have fun creating our dream instead of living in another’s nightmare.

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Dreams
Adam Scott Miller

Bertrand Russell’s Ten Commandments of Higher Teaching

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Widely held to be one of the 20th century’s premier logicians, Bertrand Russell was a British philosopher, mathematician, historian, and political activist par excellence. More importantly, he was a profound and original teacher.

His philosophy of religion in particular was a heavy influence on such modern champions of philosophy as Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, and Richard Dawkins. As a teacher, it was his wish to promulgate the following Liberal Decalogue as a vision for the responsibilities of a good teacher.

Bertrand Russell's ten commandments

Here are Bertrand Russell’s Ten Commandments, let’s break them down, shall we.

1.) Do not feel absolutely certain of anything

“Uncertainty is so terrible that we often seek to be rid of it, at the hazard of a certain mischief.” ~ Edmund Burke

Russell would probably be the first to declare that there is wisdom in uncertainty. Absolute certainty gets you nowhere but stuck. Sure, certainty is comfortable, but it is also stagnant, boring, and leads to intellectual inertia.

Even worse, it tends to propagate close-mindedness. Uncertainty is far superior, because then at least truth is allowed to grow and change with the passage of time. Instead of believing in things, take things into consideration.

It is quite simple to alter considerations. But it’s almost impossible to alter beliefs. caveat credentis, believer beware.

Like Gerry Spence said, “I’d rather have a mind open by wonder than one closed by belief.”

Knowledge of truth should never be seen as a given, but as a gift; a gift gleaned not as a certainty but as a proper humility in the face of what we think we know. Knowledge is as much subject to vicissitude as anything else. Seek not certainty, but absolute uncertainty.

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2.) Do not think it worthwhile to proceed by concealing evidence

“In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.” ~ Mark Twain

The evidence is sure to come to light anyway, so you might as well help to reveal it rather than seek to conceal it. Concealing evidence now just makes you look like a fool later. If you’re not the one to reveal the truth, then it will be someone else eventually anyway, so it might as well be you now, even if it goes against your current agenda.

Guard against the conviction that seeks to suppress facts. Turn the tables by consistently and ruthlessly questioning such convictions. Above all, cultivate a good sense of humor in the face of a bad sense of honor.

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3.) Never try to discourage thinking for you are sure to succeed

“The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret in tyranny is in keeping them ignorant.” ~ Maximilien Robespierre

Would you be a liberator or a tyrant? If you would be a liberator then by all means educate people and encourage thinking. If you would be a tyrant then by all means keep people ignorant and discourage thinking. Tyranny only helps the powerful maintain their power. Liberty helps to balance and expiate power, while creating new forms of power.

A good teacher always wants their students to think for themselves, even if that means such thinking might extinguish some of the teacher’s power. This is because true teachers do not seek to create followers, they seek to create leaders. And oh the absolute joy that is discovered when a student becomes a teacher.

4.) When you meet with opposition, endeavor to overcome it by argument and not by authority

“An optimist mindset finds dozens of possible solutions for every problem that the pessimist regards as incurable.” ~ Robert Anton Wilson

A victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory. A victory interdependent upon a good argument is authentic and sincere. And a dialectical exchange that arrives at the “truth” through logical discourse is even better.

There is always something more to learn when opposition is met with open argumentation rather than closed off authority. Authoritarianism doesn’t teach anything. It is inconsiderate, and has no respect for the opposition.

Argumentation, on the other hand, teaches respect and compassion toward the opposition. Strive toward compassionate argumentation rather than unfeeling authority when it comes to disagreement and conflict.

5.) Have no respect for the authority of others

“Unhealthy social conformity is nothing other than self-sabotage.” ~ Mike Bundrant

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There are always contrary authorities to be found. Everybody wants to be an authority. But not everybody’s authority is based upon actual reality. Guard against irrational authority by questioning all authority. Instead of having respect for the authority of others, try making fun of it instead. Poke holes in it. Laugh at it. Mock its supposed power.

Take it down a notch by putting it under the spotlight of skepticism. Respect for authority will get you nowhere but trapped by their power. Denying authority will get you everywhere closer to liberation. Freedom of thought depends upon a healthy disregard for authority.

6.) Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious

“When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.” ~ John Muir

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If you use power to suppress what you perceive to be harmful or destructive opinions, then those opinions will eventually suppress you. This ties-in with not discouraging thinking (#3). When you suppress the opinions of others, be they malign or benign, you indirectly suppress yourself. This is because everything is connected.

Opinions that challenge our power should be subsumed rather than suppressed, for what they can teach us is far greater than what they can destroy. If the challenging opinion is not subsumed early enough then it will eventually undermine our power.

Pernicious opinions will always be a thorn in our side unless we can learn what they have to teach us. They should never be suppressed lest they return as a suppressor.

7.) Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion

“I awoke only to find that the rest of the world was still asleep.” ~ Leonardo Da Vinci

Every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. Surely people thought Da Vinci’s opinions were eccentric when they were first conceived, or Copernicus’, or Einstein’s. But so what? Original opinions will always seem strange at first. Have them anyway.

Don’t be afraid to rock the boat with your ideas. Your opinion might be the one that tips us into the next phase of human evolution. So be eccentric. Be extravagant. Be boisterous.

What makes you eccentric makes you valuable, especially in a world of conformist sheep. Wow the masses. Be the electric eel in an ocean of guppies. No fear, only the ability to change it into something worthwhile.

8.) Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement

“I’d rather die of passion than of boredom.” ~ Vincent Van Gogh

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The world is filled with people who just passively agree with the system because it’s the easy thing to do. Billions of people the world over are obediently complying with an unhealthy, unsustainable mode of human governance. The problem is that this leads to intellectual laziness on a mass scale. It leads to myopic sycophants. It leads to followers instead of leaders.

Being comfortable with “it’s just the way things are” tends to keep people docile and submissive. There is a trivial pleasure gained in passively complying with the way things are, but there is a far superior pleasure gained in rebelling intelligently against the status quo.

Rational discord in the face of irrational “order” compels the system to balance itself. The pleasure gained from such balance is invaluable.

9.) Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient

“The intellectual is and only can be a militant, engaged as a singularity among others, embarked on the project of co-research aimed at making the multitude. The intellectual is thus not ‘out in front’ to determine the movements of history or ‘on the sidelines’ to critique them but rather completely ‘inside.’” ~Antonio Negri & Michael Hardt

Bertrand Russel quote

Don’t kiss people with lies. Slap people with the truth. The truth is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it anyway. So reveal it instead. An inconvenient truth, no matter how much it hurts, is always better than a convenient lie, no matter how much it feels good. Honesty is almost always the best policy. People will usually respect painful honesty over soothing dishonesty, even if it doesn’t seem so at first.

Guard against cognitive dissonance by talking about it directly and by having a good sense of humor about it. Be the “singularity among others” by planting meticulous seeds of well thought out, conscientious truthfulness.

Indeed, even just one strategically planted seed of truth has the potential to change the world for the better.

10.) Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool’s paradise

“Maybe you are searching among the branches for what only appears in the roots.” ~ Rumi

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Only a fool would think that was happiness anyway. A billion people who appear to be happy about living an unhealthy lifestyle, is still just a billion unhealthy people who have mistaken convenience and comfort for happiness. Don’t give into the hype.

The envy that you feel, if you feel it at all, is a false envy. A fool’s paradise is any kind of unsustainable, unhealthy, violent, stupid, immoral, greedy, corrupt, or mass-destructive social system.

Those who live in such a system and claim to be happy are ignorant fools. There’s more honor in rattling their cages than envying their bars. It’s nobler to attempt to wake them up than to wish you were still asleep.

Don’t be Cypher, cowardly wishing he had taken the blue pill of comfortable deception. Be Neo, courageously accepting the pain that comes with having taken the red pill of truth.

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Healing our Inner Child

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“Children are born loving their parents, and they’re born assuming their parents love them. Their relationship with the family they are born into is their first taste of human connection, and thus, their first taste of love. It doesn’t matter if we in our adult perspective look backwards and say: ‘That was NOT a loving household…’ A child does not know any different than this version of love that exists in their home. Because of this, they associate love with home. The way that they felt in their home and in their relationship with their parents becomes their definition of love” ~ Teal Swan

The first seven years of a child’s life are the most important. Not only are they most transformative in terms of growth and development, but from a psychological standpoint, they are the years that set the child’s ‘programming’, which will determine their personality, how they deal with life, how they define what love looks or feels like, and how confident they are in the world around them, amongst many other things.

Healing our Inner Child

Since the first years of life are spent mainly with our parents or caretakers, the relationship formed with them in these formative years sets the tone for how we behave in our adulthood either in relationships with others or just for life in general.

Every child, including those from the happiest or most functional of homes, experiences some level of rejection, sadness, or “trauma” (no matter how big or small).

Healing Our Inner Child

Although we may think that any real or perceived childhood hurts were left in the past or when childhood ended, we may not realize that unless these wounds were properly healed, we are most likely still carrying them around with us in our subconscious.

Until these emotional wounds are brought into our conscious awareness they will manifest in our outward life, which means we will keep finding our self in the same “problems” in our relationships with others until the light of awareness, healing and love is brought to the inner child inside of us that never got tended to.

Since the inner child experiences pain, hurt or rejection in reaction to something the parents or caretakers have done to them, healing the inner child properly will require us to dissect the relationship with our parents to the point that we can find it in ourselves to empathize and forgive them for what they did, or for what we perceive they did to us as a child.

“The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased it can only be accepted.” ~ Unknown

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Intellectually we know that the past cannot be changed, but many people are still holding on to memories from their childhood in which they experienced some negative emotion.

Some may replay these scenarios over and over and re-experience the pain every single time or they may try to stuff it down deeper into the subconscious hoping it will just go away.

Although the time in which these emotions were experienced is long gone, the hurt and the pain we may have experienced from them may still exist. The only thing that will make the pain we experienced from these situations disappear is to bring them into our conscious awareness.

Once we have brought the memories back up, we can then accept them. We acknowledge that they happened, but we also accept everyone for the role they played in the experience.

If we realize that every person is only operating the best they know how from their own level of understanding and awareness, we see that even though as a child we may have perceived that our parents were angry because of us, or rejecting us, or manipulating us or whatever the memory is, that they were only giving us the best they could from their own personal consciousness level.

More often than not, our parents were parenting us in the same way they were parented. This is why in the most severe cases of dysfunctional parenting we will most likely find that abusive people were abused themselves.

As P.D. James said, “What a child doesn’t receive, he can seldom later give.”

Our Inner Child: Re-visiting Childhood to Find Peace Now

Our parents gave us the best they could give, given the tools they learned and received. Once we know this, we can find it easier to offer at least some sort of empathy as to why they behaved in the way they did, and eventually forgive them completely.

The great thing about coming to terms with our relationship with our parents and healing our inner child is that our parents don’t even have to be involved in the process.

By becoming the parent we never had or wished we had, we can address our inner child as if we were that perfect parent that we needed at the time we experienced the emotional hurt. We can then send unconditional love to this child and offer them the acceptance and kindness that we may not have gotten at the time.

Many people use things such as therapy or meditation to get in touch with the inner child inside of them that still needs to be loved and to tell that child exactly what it needs to hear.

By doing this we will find that not only will our relationship with our parents get better, (or if they are not in our lives the way we see them in our mind will be met with more empathy), but problems we have with people and circumstances in our adult life will start to heal themselves.

Our new found love and acceptance for ourselves and for the parents who helped us form who we are as a person will translate into healthier and more functional adult relationships, and also stop the cycle of pain and hurt.

Once we have transmuted old hurts into love, we can offer more love to all the people in our lives.

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Inner child by Berkoz Turk
Accept Inner child
Child Parent
‘Love,’ by Ukrainian sculptor Alexander Milov