Home Blog Page 279

Pranayama: Learning the Art of Balanced Breathing

6

“Life is a balance between holding on and letting go” ~ Keith Urban

Balance is the naked truth of nature and this quote holds true especially in case of breath. As the great yogis say, we are the breath we inhale & exhale, the fine line between how much to hold in and how much to let go, creates the necessary ‘equilibrium’.

This equilibrium, which exists at the time of birth, is not only difficult to achieve in daily life but also unsustainable. The gifted technique of controlled breathing, pranayama, can enable one to achieve this balance.

As the name suggests, ‘Prana’, the vital force and ‘Yama’, control of that energy, when the two are clubbed they have far-reaching benefits.

Kundalini-Yoga-Third-Eye-Yoga

Though the world is now accepting & appreciating the benefits of pranayama, everybody is not aware of the real art of balancing the breath. This art of breathing can be mastered with ease on understanding the twin systems in the body, popularly known as Yin & Yang, masculine & feminine, Shiva and Parvati or Solar or Lunar.

For everyday functioning & basic understanding, I would be taking up solar & lunar systems in the body, where the right side is solar and the left is lunar. Working in cross coordination, the left side of the body is connected to the right hemisphere of the brain and vice-a-versa.

By practicing pranayama one can attain the balance in these two systems. The flow of the breath in & out simultaneously occurs from both the nostrils under balanced breathing. This type of breathing is experienced and practiced by the great seers, yogis & attuned souls.

A balanced breath stimulates all the chakras, works on the hidden aspects of human aura, boosts the immune system, and slows down the aging process. Additionally, it opens up the third eye chakra, the keeper of immeasurable potential unexplored by the human mind in a waking state.

Here are certain breathing exercises to practice in the morning preferably, along with their contraindications.

Nadi Shodhana or Alternate breathing practice

Nadi-Shodhana- Mudra
Nadi Shodhana Mudra

What is this: There are three main Nadi Systems in the body, with the central one as Sushumna Nadi and the other two, Pingala & Ida Nadi. The right nostril is connected to Pingala & left to Ida. These two are directly connected to the brain, which in turn balances the two hemispheres, leading to a neutral state of mind. When alternate nostril breathing is practiced, it purifies and balances both of these systems. When the breath starts flowing freely and smoothly through both nostrils, the mind attains a state of joy and calmness, necessary to access deeper realms of consciousness.

How to: Sit straight in Sukhasana or Vajrasana preferably away from the wall. Now make the Nasika mudra from the right hand, as shown in the image below.

Fold your index & middle finger while keeping your ring & little finger straight. (You can also place the index & middle finger on the forehead between the eyebrows).

Now place the thumb on the right nostril gently and exhale through the left. Inhale & exhale 3 times on the left, then close the left nostril with the ring finger immediately.

Exhale and inhale 3 times from the right, now bring the hand down. Deeply & slowly inhale and exhale in the center from both the nostrils (assume the inhalation & exhalation is happening from the nostrils). This is one round.

Relaxing Yoga Breathing - Nadi Shodhana Pranayama - (Alternate Nostril Breathing)

Now conduct the same procedure all over again, but starting from your right instead of left. Keep doing this for 12 rounds, but starting from the other side each time. So the sequence goes like this: L x3, Rx3, Centre x3; Rx3, Lx3, Cx3; L x3, Rx3, C x3; Rx3, Lx3, Cx3…. till you complete 12 rounds. One can start with 3-4 rounds initially, gradually increasing the count.

Benefits of Nadi Shodhana: Balancing of breath & both hemispheres, cleansing of nadis, helps circulatory and respiratory systems, tranquilizing the mind, activating the intuition center in the body, etc. Every individual will experience subjective outcomes depending on their practice, body & concentration level.

Contraindications: None!

Kapalbhati Pranayama

kapalbhati-pranayama
Kapalbhati pranayama

What is this: Kapal – skull, Bhati – light, this advanced technique of pranayama sends light & energy to the skull by pumping the abdomen. The sharp movement of the abdomen under the influence of breath helps in balancing the channels in the body.

How to: Be seated in a comfortable position on the mat, either Sukhasana or Vajrasana (Thunderbolt pose) and place both the hands on the knees. Bring your awareness to your lower belly. Take a deep breath in and contract your lower belly, forcing out the breath with full force. Your stomach will contract with each exhalation.

Do not make an effort to inhale, it would happen naturally. Without really pausing to breathe again, keep exhaling in quick short bursts. Remember not to contract your abdomen when you inhale. Begin slowly, doing 15-20 times initially. Gradually quicken the pace to 40-45 exhalation/inhalation cycles per minute. Move at your own pace, and with regular practice you will be able to increase the speed.

Kapalabhati Pranayama: The Skull Shining Breath

Now check the nostrils by placing your index finger under your nose and see which one is active. It should be balanced. If it is not, keep an account of which one is active. Gently turn the head in the direction of the active nostril. So if your right nostril is active, turn your head to the right and do kapalbhati 10 -15 times and vice versa. Check the activeness of the nostrils again; if it is still not balanced, you can repeat the second procedure. Or do alternate nostril Kapalbhati, as described in the video below.

Alternate Nostril Kapalabhati

Benefits of Kapalbhati Pranayama: Balances brain hemispheres & breath, cleanses the lungs, improves blood circulation, strengthens the digestive system & nervous system, rejuvenates brain cells, cleanses all nadis, cures low BP, removes lethargy, uplifts the mind and reduces belly fat.

Contraindications: Practice only 3-4 hours after meals or on empty stomach. People suffering from heart ailments, high BP, headache, epilepsy, hernia, gastric ulcers & during pregnancy or periods should avoid this. People with hypertension and heart problems should practice this breathing technique under the guidance of a yoga teacher.

Bhastrika or Bellows Breath practice

A17277_l.1

What is this: Just like a blacksmith uses a bellow to supply a blast of air, similarly Bhastrika pranayama acts a bellow tool for the human body. It accelerates the digestive fire, pumps in more oxygen to the brain and activates the mind to work faster.

How to: Sit straight in Sukhasana/Vajrasana and just as we do Kapalbhati pranayama, take a deep breath. Now exhale sharply without exerting pressure on your nose and inhale sharply immediately.

The only difference in the technique of Kapalbhati & Bhastrika is that the latter needs one to inhale and exhale at the same speed, consciously & sharply. Both your hands will go up and down with force. On inhalation hands go up and on exhalation hands come down. Do this 15-20 times. Now check your nostrils, see which one is active. If both are active, perfect!

If only one nostril is active, then turn your head towards the active nostril’s direction. Start inhaling & exhaling with speed after turning your head in the required direction. For example: If the right nostril is active, then turn your head towards the right side, and do Bhastrika. Vice-a-versa for the other and do this for 15-20 times. The nostrils would balance themselves.

Bellows Breath (Bhastrika)

Benefits: Balancing all 3 doshas (Vatta, Pitta, Kapha), increase metabolism, good for pregnant women during labor pain, balances the nervous system, reduces lethargy, helps in recovering from bronchitis, tuberculosis etc.

Contraindications: High BP, heart diseases, hernia, ulcers, epilepsy, glaucoma, during periods should avoid this pranayama.

These two practices when merged with others like Brahmari (Humming bee breath) & Ujjayi pranayama (psychic breath) can achieve results unparalleled in comparison to any form of meditation.

There are as many approaches to pranayama as there are to the practice of asanas. With regular and sustained practice of pranayama you can connect to the universal energy that runs through us and everything around us.

You will begin to feel calmer, quieter, more centered, more in touch with the pulses of your body, mind and breath. So pause for a moment, observe your breath and feel the energy flow!

Image Source

Kundalini
Bellow
Featured Image Source

Change: Are you Embracing or Resisting It?

1

“Change is the essence of life; be willing to surrender who you are for what you could become” ~ Unknown

One thing in life is certain: change. Things are constantly changing. From an external standpoint we can see that our bodies are constantly changing – cells are constantly reproducing, our skin is shedding and being replaced with new skin, we grow taller and get older.

embrace-change

The earth is also constantly changing. The geography of earth changes, trees die, trees grow, bodies of water dry up, and the weather changes. Culturally we are also in a state of constant change.

The music changes, fashion changes, and even things like television programs are drastically different than they were 50 years ago. It’s pretty evident that in the world we see, there is literally nothing that stays the same always. But what about internally?

If we can see that everything outside of us never stays the same, does that also mean that who we are internally is constantly changing? The answer is unequivocally, yes.

Of course who we are is constantly growing and shifting. The person we were at 10 yrs old is drastically different than the person we are at 25 years old. Given that the evidence of change is all around us, it is a wonder that so many of us resist change at all costs.

We may cling to things like jobs or friends or romantic relationships that at one time made us happy even though the evidence is right in front of us… things have changed. We have changed. They have changed.

transformation
“Don’t be so stuck in a situation or feeling that when the tide turns you can’t see the transformation or manifestation. The caterpillar eventually turns into a butterfly. You will need to determine which perspective you will see.” ~ Laticia Dezell

Even worse, there are those of us who are still completely attached to the thoughts, beliefs and ideals they had 10 years ago. And even worse than that, there are those that still have the EXACT SAME thoughts, beliefs and ideals that their parents taught them, which were old thoughts, beliefs and ideals passed down from their parents to them.

Since the certainty of change extends to who we are internally and our consciousness level as well, it is assured that the more we cling to old beliefs we are inhibiting ourselves from being able to evolve fully and with ease. From an internal standpoint this may mean that we hold on to old hurts or resentments. We may also be completely closed off to new ideas or people who don’t live a lifestyle that is conducive to what we believe is “right.”

Looking outside of ourselves, our resistance to change will translate into our lives in any number of ways. We may stay in relationships with people too long, or in places or careers too long. Or we may hold people to an image of who they WERE without ever taking notice of who they are now, which can lead to constant frustration from us and them.

Point blank, the sooner we embrace change with open arms the sooner we can discard who we were or who we thought we were and become an even better more efficient version of our former selves.

alan-watts-change-quote“Change can be scary but you know what’s scarier? Allowing fear to stop you from growing, evolving and progressing” ~ Mandy Hale

In order to fully accept and embrace change we must first confront what it is about ourselves that has become in such resistance to the change. Anytime something is holding us back from becoming a better person, or being more open and accepting to our ever-evolving lives and an ever-evolving world, it is most certainly one culprit: FEAR.

Fear peeks its ugly little head in so many different ways. It may be fear of the unknown, fear of being wrong, fear of losing control, fear of losing part of our “identity”, fear of feeling emotions, or even fear of success, but whatever the case may be it is the number one thing that inhibits us from being open to change and moving forward with our lives.

Confronting our fears can be the most beneficial thing we can ever do for ourselves. Anytime we are completely closed off to hearing the other side of the story, or to losing a “label” we have for ourselves, or to entertaining new beliefs and learning new ways of doing things or looking at things, or making judgments on people or groups of people that are condemning them, we can always trace these things back to fear.

It may be a little frightening at first to confront head on everything we thought we “knew” about life, or ourselves or other people, but unless we do it, we will remain internally stagnant.

Life will still be changing around us. We will be growing older, society is changing, friends, and family are changing but until we get on the “I’m open to change” bandwagon, we run the risk of living the exact same year over and over 80 years in a row and calling it a “life.”

We may become so attached to an ideology, and what we believe is definitively “right” and what is “wrong” that we don’t open ourselves up to understanding people or things from a different perspective, which in turn makes us angry, and critical of others. When we are rooted in fear we automatically close ourselves off to moving forward and becoming better people.

We are not born knowing everything, and if we think we know everything now that should be a red flag that we have closed ourselves off from seeing the world in a new way or from learning something new or from opening ourselves up to new possibilities.

“Change is inevitable, progress is optional” ~ Tony Robbins

Change is inevitable. With that knowledge we have two choices, we can hold on tight to every belief, thought, emotion, friendship, relationship, or whatever to the point that we become completely rigid and afraid of anyone or anything that threatens our little bubble of wanting to remain exactly the same person, with exactly the same personality, with exactly the same life that we always have been.

Or we can become open to every possibility. We can consider all ideas, be willing to be spontaneous if we need to be and allow ourselves to be guided by love instead of paralyzed by fear.

If we can look back at the person we were 5 years ago, or a year ago and safely see that we have become more loving, open-minded, more compassionate, happier or healthier then we can be rest assured that we are progressing forward and changing for the better.

Image Source

Change
Embrace change
Change

An Introduction to Yoga and Meditation for Children

“If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.” ~ Dalai Lama

As more adults understand and appreciate the benefits of yoga and meditation to combat mounting stress in daily lives, teaching children mindful practices too can go a long way in shaping their future.

Introducing yoga and meditation for children at a young age can help them to connect to their own inner source of calm and assure them a healthy adulthood.

91c318cf80550c868321e34a4cef083cNowadays, I’ve seen children highly equipped with technological gadgets. Parents also encourage their children to be good with technology, which is not a bad thing, but at the same time a child should also be encouraged to play outdoors, spend time in nature, as these activities helps a child to evolve and grow.

A detailed research by Princeton publication suggests that children who tend to spend more time on computers and gadgets fall prey to illness and depression later in their lives. They are also prone to aggressive and violent behaviour. In such challenging times, yoga and meditation is the need of the hour.

Much research has been done to study the impact of childhood stress on one’s adulthood.

Our personality and the way we perceive life is largely based on our conditioning and the events (pleasant or unpleasant) we underwent as a child. If, as a child, we were fearful and panicky, as an adult too, we continue to show such behaviour and issues.

teaching Yoga to kidsInculcating the practice of yoga and meditation in a child’s life

Children who learn yoga and meditation will become more aware about themselves and their surroundings. It helps them to regulate their own emotions and learn how to pay attention inside and out. It gives them a sense of center and, therefore, resilience.

According to a 2004 study of 8 to 13-year-old boys with ADD, practicing yoga once a week for five months resulted in increased concentration, mental and physical discipline and improved confidence among participants.

Teaching our children the importance of mind, body and breath through yoga can help them concentrate and focus. Taking our mind and body for granted is a modern-age phenomenon and consequences of this phenomena is deteriorating the quality of our lives.

If the younger generation is made to understand the importance of mind and body, there will be a positive shift in the world.

Meditation is a great form of energy therapy and even five minutes of meditation everyday can help children in being creative, imaginative and intuitive individuals. They will recognise their potential unique personality and comfortably settle down in being themselves.

In times where peer pressure is on the rise, meditation will help them to face life with greater belief in their potential. A research states that meditation also reduces impulsiveness among children.

How does one Begin Yoga and Meditation for Children?

One can begin with few simple steps for example, asking kids to focus on their breathing for five minutes. By simply noticing their breath, how their chest rises and falls with the breath, helps them to be in the moment. Then gradually teach them to close their eyes and breathe for 15 minutes.

Give them something to look at (at the sky if its outdoors or on the ceiling if they are lying down). Ask them to relax their gaze by trying to see out the sides of their eyes (it uses the peripheral vision which helps to relax the brain). Do not force them, give them time to get comfortable with it.

One can start with mermaid pose or tree pose and there are several yoga poses that can be extremely fun for children. Here is a chart that shows few asanas:

yoga and meditation for children

Yoga For Children - Meditation

Image Sources

Kids and Yoga
Yoga Chart 
Yoga Pose 

Five Ways You Can Become a Better God

17

Here’s the thing: you are God. But here’s the other thing: so am I. So is everyone. Some of us are simply more aware of it than others. The more aware you become of this fact, the better god you will become. Sound simple? It’s not.

It takes a riot of the imagination, a tempest of the spirit, a hurricane of the heart. It takes an insurgence of the soul that recapitulates the history of the human condition itself and then dares to reinterpret it. In short, it takes remapping the human spirit in order to balance it with the greater map of the planet.

Here are five ways to become more aware of your divine godhood, and thus, how to become a better god.

1.) Understand that the mind through which you perceive the Great Mystery is the same mind through which the Great Mystery perceives you

“The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” ~ Meister Eckhart

resized_business-cat-meme-generator-are-you-god-cb3eb0

The Great Mystery is the grand, all-consuming, everything-nothingness of Reality. It’s the dancing, bouncing, hungry, almighty void of all things moving inside and out, inverted and outverted, micro and macro; going through the motions of being interdependently infinite within finite chunks of infinite timelines within a greater capital “I” Infinity that is also a capital “N” Nothingness. And here’s the really cool part: you are a vital part of this magnificence.

Indeed, this is actually who you are. This is who you have always been. This is who you will always be. Since the beginning of there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-beginning you have been a force of nature that can neither be destroyed nor created only transformed. This is neither science nor magic, it’s both: a sacred resonance.

The sooner you come to terms with the absolute fact that you are a mind-bogglingly unique aspect of this universe going through infinite change, the sooner you will become a balancing agent for the redistribution of healthy energy. The sooner you will learn how to transform in healthier ways.

The less aware you are of this fact, the more likely you are to become an unbalanced agent for the spreading of unhealthy energy. All gods have the power to use their power in either healthy or unhealthy ways. It’s a great power that requires an even greater responsibility.

namaste-ellen-vaman2.) Pay attention to how the divine within you resonates with the divine within others

“There is only one core issue for all psychology: Where does the ‘me’ begin? Where does the ‘me’ end? Where does the ‘other’ begin?” ~ James Hillman

An important part of becoming a better god is recognizing and honoring the existence of other divine beings going through similarly unique manifestations of the universal construct. Being mindful of other gods will give you the vital ability of compassion. One simply cannot be an efficient god if one does not have the ability to place oneself in another god’s shoes, and to feel the fitted (or ill-fitted) dimensions of being “other-than-oneself.”

Empathy is a healthy god’s modus operandi for higher consciousness, as it directly taps one into the collective unconscious. You want to become a better god? Become more adept at adapting to others. Become a force of loving kindness and tolerance, especially in the face of hateful resentment and intolerance.

Be a force of ruthless love as opposed to a force of passive indifference. Your courage will have a resonating effect on those who are open to it, while keeping those who are closed to it on their toes.

empty-your-cup-you-must-unlearn-what-you-have-learned13.) Recondition the precondition to become unconditional

“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.” ~ Mark Caine

All gods begin as tiny godlings conditioned by a godless world. We overcome such conditioning by reconditioning the original condition, so as to become an unconditional force of nature. We transcend codependency and independency by focusing more on being an interdependent being in a relationship with an interconnected cosmos.

Being mindful of how everything is connected is essential to becoming a better god, especially in a universe where everything is attached to everything else. Being a better god is being in tune with this invisible connection. The more in tune we become, the more adept we get at listening to the “language older than words” that’s reverberating between all things.

Listening to this sacred language launches us into a higher state of consciousness where we are able to “feel” our way between the elusive cracks of the right-wrong/moral-immoral/healthy-unhealthy paradox of being a seemingly independent god in an interdependent universe.

But it’s in this higher state of cosmic consciousness where we realize that independence is an illusion and our unconditional powers of courage and love ultimately manifest.

4.) Transform ego-centrism into eco-centrism

“Humility is as much the opposite of self-abasement as it is of self-exaltation. To be humble is not to make comparisons. It is in this sense that humility is absolute self-effacement.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Focus more on being a force of nature than on being an individual. Understand that being human is secondary to the primary experience of being a vital aspect of the cosmos. Doing so all at once humbles the ego while it also magnifies your self-worth. It expands your spiritual power while also contracting your tendency toward egoism.
bowtoholy
It transforms us from ego-unconscious individuals into eco-conscious beings who are capable of resonating with an interconnected world. You want to become a better god? Trump small-mind with big-mind. Outmaneuver small-picture thinking with big-picture thinking.

Connect the dots instead of merely being a whiny, woe-is-me dot lost in the bigger picture. Better yet, use your ego –the magnificent tool that it is– to leverage eco-centric thinking against the ego-centric world. Use the instrument of your ego as a cataclysmic catalyst of healthy sustainable change in an otherwise unhealthy unsustainable world.

5.) Get in touch with your vast array of sub-selves

“Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.” ~ Carl Sandburg

An important part of becoming a better god is being able to dance between opposites: between shadow and light, finite and infinite, ignorance and wisdom. Being a healthy god requires balance, and not only between self and other, or self and cosmos, but between self and self. Confused? Good. Being a better god means being more and more confused, as the more you learn, the more you realize how much there is still to learn.
hqdefault
But I digress, balancing self with self is coming to terms with the fact that the self is made up of a plethora of sub-selves, and is ultimately an illusion in its self (pun intended). But that’s okay.

That’s part of why being a god is so much fun. Illusion of self aside, these multiple sub-selves are constantly at play with or against each other, sometimes conscious, sometimes subconscious, but mostly unconscious (also blending in and out of the collective unconscious), they weave in and out of different states of self-reflection, echoing eternally through the never-ending Cave of Selfhood and eventually coming out the “other side” in the form of the universe itself.

You are probably only aware of a precious few of these sub-selves, and you probably cling to them with much eagerness and earnestness, impatient and fearful of having them contested. But contest them you must, in order to become a better god.

One of the most effective ways of contesting them is to get in touch with your inner-feminine or inner-masculine (anima/animus), arguably the most important sub-selves of them all.

At the end of the day, being a better god is simply having fun with the illusion while also not losing sight of the overall interdependent dance. Namaste: the god within me recognizes and honors the god within you.

Image source:

Self-existent
Are you God?
Namaste
Eco-prayer
You alone are god

Conscious Relationships: Accepting Others as They are

“Surrender is not giving up, but a giving over to what is true in this present moment. And the moment I accept what is, something begins to shift within me.” ~  Unknown

Wouldn’t life be wonderful if everyone just behaved exactly like we wanted them to? Our friends, co-workers, partners and family just did exactly what we told them to and behaved exactly how we expected them to?

Ok, so that probably has about as much of a chance of happening as pigs flying does.

accepting-others-conscious-relationship

Even though most of us know that we cannot expect people in our lives to behave exactly like we wish they would, so many of us waste much of our precious energy and time trying to force our own agenda on the people in our lives.

And when they don’t comply, we waste even more time and energy being sad, angry or frustrated by the fact that they are not acting exactly like we thought they should have. Not only does this constant struggle to make people be who we want them to be leave us feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, but it also causes problems in our relationships with them.

When people feel controlled or manipulated into changing, it is most likely that they will get defensive and upset and do exactly the opposite of what we want them to.

Isn’t that how we would act if someone was doing the same to us?

do-not-let-behaviour-of-others-destroy-your-inner-peaceAnytime we feel hurt or upset by someone else’s behavior not being what we ourselves would have done, it is assured that we are taking their behavior personally.

Maybe a stranger forgot to say “Excuse me” when they walked by, or maybe a friend forgot about a lunch date we had with them, or our spouse didn’t remember to make the bed before they went to work in the morning.

Whatever the case may be, when we impose our idea on others and allow it to upset us when they don’t behave according to our idea, we are not only letting our ego take over and convince us that they are in the “wrong”, but we are also sitting in complete resistance of the “what is.”

This means we are upset and offended by something that most likely was NOT intended to be a personal attack, and we are allowing ourselves to be victims. Anytime we let the actions of another person control our emotions to the point that we are offended, angry, etc… we have given them the power to disturb our peace.

What we are really saying is, “Your behavior has the power to upset me. Therefore, my happiness is dependent upon you behaving a certain way. Unless you act like I want you to, I am not happy, therefore I am always at your mercy.”

Anytime our own happiness is left in the hands of another person, no matter how great we get along with that person, it is never a good idea. There will always be a time when they don’t act exactly according to our own agenda, and therefore it is almost assured that we will get upset by them at some point.

Now with all this being said, there are going to be people we meet in life who ARE intentionally trying to push our buttons. It may be in a more deliberate way by doing something like calling us names, or physically trying to attack us.

Or it may be in a more manipulative manner by saying or doing things “jokingly” that they know will hurt our feelings or get us upset.

Either way, in order to move through the situation in a healthier and more productive manner, we must do probably the last thing we would think would make a situation go more smoothly… accept others exactly as they are.

Accepting another person’s behavior fully is usually a lot easier said than done, but it is the
only thing that truly frees us from being prisoners of their actions. Technically, it is no one else’s responsibility to make sure we are happy and satisfied at all times.

The world doesn’t revolve around how we expect every situation to go. We can’t force someone to do, say or act exactly how we want them to. We do however, have complete power and control over our own actions and behavior.

conscious relationshipsSo if we find in personal relationships that a person has consistently made us feel sad, or angry, or abused even, we have complete control on whether or not we choose to continue to put up with their behavior or whether or not we choose to cut off the relationship with that person, but we have zero control on whether or not they will ever become the person we want them to be.

By only focusing on our own behavior and our own reactions, we always remain captain of our own ship. We remain in complete control over our own choices and therefore are not helpless puppets, waiting for their behavior to tell us whether we can be happy or sad.

“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” ~ Michael J. Fox

Accepting others as they are has nothing to do with allowing ourselves to be mistreated and walked all over. It only means that we stop resisting the “what is” of the present moment by wishing it was different.

Instead of wasting precious time in the “You should have done…, “ or “You could have acted like this…” and “If I were you, I would have…”, we deal with what actually DID happen. We cannot force the past to have been different, we can only deal with life as it is presented to us in that particular moment.

By dealing with “what is” only, we actually learn the art of responding vs reacting. When we respond, we give ourselves space to deal with a situation in a “what part of this situation do I have the power to change?” manner.

When we react, we immediately jump to yelling or another form of defense because we are imposing our preconceived beliefs on how they “should” have acted, which proves to be a futile effort.

working-on-relationship-with-othersThere will be times when we choose to walk away from a relationship, and there will be times when we choose to work it out with that person, but it is always OUR choice.

With some practice in the art of accepting, we soon realize that not blaming anyone for anything actually proves to be the most empowering thing we have ever done for ourselves.

At this point we take full responsibility for our lives and stop insisting that others change to meet our “standards” of how we think things should go. We literally take back our own happiness by not leaving it in the hands of another person.

Image Source

Mind Matters
Lama quote