Yes, I admit it. I have anger issues, not yet out of hand, but its easy to set me off. This is a letter addressed to my angry side. I believe that vulnerability is a sign of courage. 🙂
So here you go –
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” ~ Mark Twain
I know you have lost your cool several times in the past, screamed your lungs out of anger, with your heart racing like a fast car, hands trembling due to the outburst and talking frantically.
You must understand that anger is a secondary emotion. There are several reasons why we get angry, either due to pent up emotions, or an impending situation which hasn’t been dealt with and its frustrating you from within or may be at times when you have been treated badly by another person and anger is the only way to curtail that behavior.
What have you learnt from it? It’s been years you have been facing this issue, have you sat down and wondered why its so easy to set you off? Have you looked deep within yourself and questioned enough to understand the root cause of this boiling state of mind?
May be you are trying to cover up your vulnerable feelings from emerging? I’d like you to know that anger is not necessarily a bad emotion, anger can be your friend. But how can you befriend it?
First step would be to identify the situations that lead to this kind of outburst. Is there any similarity in the situation? Is it a particular person that drives you nuts or pushes your patience level?
You can’t change a situation from unfolding in a certain way, (its not in your hands), but what really is within your control is to change the way you react to a situation or people. Change your perspective about things and your feelings and emotions will follow suit. It’s definitely not easy, but neither is losing your temper with a racing heart.
Another thing you don’t realise are the hidden suppressed emotions that have been bothering you for very long and it shows up in the form of a raging tiger. Calm the tiger down. Tame it. Give it some water to cool off. Dive deep into your subconscious mind and reexamine your childhood, perhaps. What you don’t realise is that you may actually be projecting your feelings (unhealed, unacknowledged parts of you) onto others.
Like Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” So if a particular person triggers angry emotions, that person is just another being showing up in your life as a mirror, pointing out the unacknowledged aspects of your own self.
When you don’t or can’t acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it’s a sign that deep down you don’t love yourself. And when you don’t love yourself, you will try to find faults in a situation and reasons to be angry with others, because you don’t feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.
“To truly know the world, look deep within your own being; to truly know yourself, take real interest in the world.” ~ Rudolf Steiner
This is the way to befriend your anger. Learn to let go, accept yourself, gain the ‘will’ to surrender and most importantly, love yourself. Only when you love all parts of you, can you love others, including your husband and children.
And when anger decides to pop up and declares its presence now and then, be willing to walk the path with it! Use it as a guide and befriend it.