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How Ego Turns Your Spiritual Process into Manipulation

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“Let go of who you think you are supposed to be and be who you are.” ~ Brene Brown

Stop for a minute and think about how your spiritual journey started, and what motivated you to stay on it. What may have began as a spontaneous awakening, an interest in the secrets of the universe, or in personal development perhaps turned into something that we began using as a means of attempting to “get what we want” out of life, or even as a guidepost to judge our emotional evolution.

It’s almost certain that at some point in our process (or most likely repeatedly), the spiritual journey stopped being something that you were experiencing and/or observing and sneakily became something you began trying to control.

It is actually quite common for our ego to take any new hobby or topic of interest that we may have been inspired to learn more about and use it as its new hiding place, and as a means of furthering its own agenda.

Since the ego can only live in an environment of judgment, comparison, criticism, competition and separation it will undoubtedly find a way to use the concepts of spirituality or self-development to do just that.

If you’ve ever caught yourself feeling envious of your friend who seems more “awake,” if you’ve felt yourself feeling superior to that Facebook friend who seems less self-aware than you, or if you have found yourself criticizing yourself for having a thought that seemed less than “loving,” you have experienced your ego decorated in a spiritual costume.

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Honor Your Heart quote pic made by: Nikki Sapp

4 Signs Your Ego is Dissolving

“The biggest ego trip going is trying to get rid of your ego. And the joke of it all is that your ego doesn’t exist.” ~ Alan Watts

I don’t think anyone can truly prepare you for what it’s really going to be like to experience the un-gripping of the ego. While some people experience radical transformations that take place in an instant where they feel a palpable shift in their conscious awareness, most knee deep in the awakening process will experience it little by little over a longer span of time.

In this process, we we may find ourselves on nothing short of a turbulent roller coaster of emotions. We can go from feeling deep compassion and gratitude for life, to completely submerged in fear or pain that seems to come from nowhere, and then straight into complete and utter confusion of who we are, what we are, what life is for and what our true purpose is… and all these may happen in the same day.

From my own experience I can say my initial entry into awakening had me bright eyed and bushy tailed in regards to learning more about self-awareness and the laws of the universe, however, I had no idea what was in store for me.

I think if the universe were to lead with the fact that the path to enlightenment is one that forces us straight into actually feeling into the nucleus of pain that lies inside of our core wound, or that we would have to face the very fears that have been repressed in our cellular bodies for lifetimes, many of us would probably say, “ehhh maybe I’ll pass this lifetime, let’s give it a go the next time around.”

So it very much speaks to the intelligence of the universe that it rarely leads with the bad news, instead it often will first show us a glimpse of what life is going to be like after facing our wounds and integrating our ego– which is nothing short of bliss, inner peace and a deep knowing that we are loved beyond measure, that we ARE love beyond measure.

For most of us, these moments of bliss are sprinkled randomly among the initiations that take place that cause our ego to unravel itself. These initiations come in many forms from external circumstances, to emotional states such as boredom, confusion, frustration, embarrassment, etc…

Whatever it takes to get the job done, to get the ego to dissolve, is exactly what the universe has in store for you and your life. At the tail end of each stage of this integration process are signs that the job was done to completion.

These sometimes subtle and sometimes very noticeable differences in our energy, in our reactions, in our emotional states are the gifts that lie on the other side of a dissolved aspect of ego. So what are some of the things we begin to notice as ego disappears?

Signs and Stages if your Ego is Dissolving

(In no particular order…)

ego is dissolving

“Instead of trying to let things go, just love the one who still holds on.” ~ Matt Kahn

Mind gets quiet

This stage is one that is felt universally among those who are experiencing an awakening in consciousness. In order to actually touch into who we really are (the awareness behind thoughts) we must experience what it is like to be in the moment without thoughts arising, which is why a quiet mind goes hand in hand with a dissolving ego.

At first it may only happen for a few seconds, and as we awaken further we may notice longer periods of time where no thoughts arise and we are able to simply exist in silence without it feeling uncomfortable. Silence is such a profound force that carries within it, ironically, a deep and powerful wisdom, for those that are able to sit in it.

Strong moral judgments are replaced by acceptance

There is a reason why those still existing in ego have very strong opinions on what is “right” and what is “wrong.” The ego IS the judger, it is the one that asserts it’s identity through each one of it’s core opinions. It can only know who it wants to be by knowing also what it does NOT want to be.

So it should be no surprise, that as ego dissolves there is less of a tendency to judge how others live their lives as unequivocally right or wrong. There becomes an inner knowing that tells us that each person is only doing the best they can from the level of consciousness they reside in, which is precisely why they do the things that they do— they quite literally can do no different based on where they are.

The “person” disappears

“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing you are not the voice of the mind, you are the one who hears it.” ~ Michael Singer

Ironically, when rooted in ego, we truly believe we are our thoughts, that we are the ones formulating the analytical dialogue that goes through our mind in each moment. Yet, as the dissolution of ego gets underway, we find that this very “person”– the one giving a play-by-play of how we view each day or situation, is actually the one that begins to disappear.

This becomes a huge step in our process, because it gives us a more accurate representation of what a spiritual awakening TRULY is vs. what our ego wants it to be.

The ego fantasizes about awakening and how it will “solve all my problems,” or “make my life go exactly how I want it to go,” when in fact what actually happens is the one who is judging anything as a “problem” or “not a problem,” is in fact what disappears.

What this means for our life is that things are no longer questioned, fought against, worried about, or analyzed to death… they are simply trusted with an unwavering faith that all that is happening is perfectly guided into our life through a higher intelligence, and that higher intelligence knows what it is doing.

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The strive to be a “somebody” falls away

Suddenly it hits that we have wasted so much time trying to prove our worth to the world, attempting to receive validation for an image based on nothing. This stage is where true freedom really lies, it’s where we come to realize many of the things we wanted or wanted to be seen as were based in the ego’s need for competition and comparison.

As the tendency to compare ourselves with another unravels right along with the dissolving ego, we begin to taste what it really feels like to be liberated. The concept of time, of an evolving “person” in a linear timeline of reality, starts to become a little blurred. We begin to see ourselves through eyes of an ever-changing point of perspective, reacting to each moment as it arises.

There is less and less need to create a storyline of ownership where the ego says, “look at MY life, this is what I have made of MY life, this is the somebody I have created over the years,” and instead become a point of presence, where we create and re-create ourselves over and over in each breath.

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Dissolution of Ego
Mirrored eyeball art- made by: Nikki Sapp
Eckhart Tolle quote pic made by: Nikki Sapp

4 Empowering Ways to Become the World

“I saw that my life was a vast glowing page and I could do anything I wanted.” ~ Jack Kerouac

What does it mean to become the world? It means taking a leap of courage. It means connecting courage to curiosity. It means connecting—full stop.

Becoming the world is about becoming an interdependent force of nature despite a codependent (or even independent) culture. It goes beyond codependence and independence. It’s a deep awareness that you are an interconnected being living in an interconnected cosmos.

Becoming the world humbles the god-in-you even as it empowers the worm-in-you. It’s a world-as-self/self-as-world perspective that keeps you connected. It helps your wide-awake big-picture perspective trump your petty small-picture perspective.

When you become the world, you are not just a speck in the universe, you are the entire universe in a speck. You are a conscious drop in an unconscious ocean. But, as Leonard Cohen said, “If you don’t become the ocean, you’ll be seasick every day.”

Here are four ways to shed your codependent skin and gain an interdependent aura.

1.) Gain the heightened perspective of an Explorer

“There is no riskier risk than refusing to risk at all.” ~ Jen Sincero

Exploration has been the driving heart of humanity since time immemorial. A sense of adventure, a primal proclivity toward novelty, is what keeps us adaptable, flexible, and innovative as a species.

According to Leonard Mlodinow the four basic components of human temperament are reward dependence, harm avoidance, persistence, and neophilia (attraction to novelty and change). The first three speak toward our direct health and survival. The last one, however, counterintuitively speaks toward embracing risk.

When you gain the perspective of an explorer, you gain the capacity to embrace change. You become more open to novelty and beauty. More importantly, you gain the wherewithal to not become just another risk-avoider.

As Mark Manson said, “Passion is the result of action, not the cause of it.”

Becoming an explorer opens you up in a vulnerable yet powerful way. It keeps your body, your mind, and even your soul, prepared enough to adapt to, and overcome, the vicissitudes of life.

2.) Replace conviction with curiosity

“Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Allow everything to be a source of fascination. Especially your convictions and your beliefs. Especially-especially those beliefs that were handed down through the ages and not questioned properly.

Be curious rather than convinced. It will help you be more openminded in your search, more adaptable on your spiritual journey, more compassionate in dealing with other people and their beliefs, and more capable of avoiding dogmatism, extremism, and xenophobia.

Beware of being convinced. For therein lies all traps. Therein lies irrationality and immoderation.

As Katie Javanaud said, “We don’t always know ourselves as well as we think, and sometimes we convince ourselves of that which is evidently false or overwhelmingly improbable.”

carrying a load

If anything bolsters and reinforces the walls of the codependent comfort zone it is conviction. Break those walls down through the power of your own imagination. Your curiosity alone is enough to discover a doorway.

And curiosity reinforced with courage (independence) is enough to walk through that door, so that you might stretch your stifling comfort zone of ill-conceived parochial conviction into an ever-expanding comfort zone that transforms boundaries into horizons (interdependence).

3.) Understand that ideas are mere play things

“Play! Invent the world! Invent reality!” ~ Vladimir Nabokov

Every single human idea that has ever existed is merely a tool to leverage evolution. Whether that evolution is healthy or not depends upon the ideas that propel the human animal forward (or backward).

Since it is sometimes quite difficult to determine the health of our ideas, we should take them all with a grain of salt. And some of them with the entire salt shaker. Pun intended.

But circumspection and intelligent skepticism is just one side of the coin when it comes to the best way to approach ideas. The other side of the coin is play and having a good sense of humor.

If there’s anything the human animal loves to play with more, it is the tools which it has created. From chisels to paintbrushes, from hang-gliders to drones, from bows and arrows to nunchucks, from hieroglyphs to bibles, from astrology to astronomy, from snail mail to cell phones, the human animal loves to play with its technologies.

And all technologies are born from ideas. Good ideas and bad ideas. Healthy ideas and unhealthy ideas. The human condition is a giant melting pot of technologies born from ideas boiling in a thick goop of trial and error, with a dash of pain and frustration.

Where the human animal goes wrong is when it takes its technologies too seriously, when it forgets healthy moderation, and most importantly, when it forgets to have fun and just play.

We would be wise to be cautious, but we would be wiser to be playful.

4.) Embrace all obstacles as learning experiences

“You are alive only if you embrace (some) volatility.” ~ Nassim Nicholas Taleb

A key step on the path toward becoming the world is making the obstacle a part of the path. Simply put, this is the ability to adapt and overcome. More complexly put, it is the ability to transform demons into diamonds, setbacks into steppingstones, and wounds into wisdom.

This is easier said than done, for sure. But it is so worth doing. It will make you healthier, more flexible, more openminded, more robust. It may even make you antifragile. And it will teach you the vital importance of self-overcoming.

Making the obstacle the path is tantamount to embracing the rub that polishes you into a pearl, surrendering to the pressure that squeezes you into a diamond, and accepting the whetstone of life that sharpens you into something sharp enough to cut God. As Anais Nin said, “In chaos there is fertility.”

So yes, I implore you, do your best to become the world. Shed your outdated and indoctrinated skin reeking of codependence and lazy cultural conditioning. Gain the courage to update yourself by donning an aura of interdependence.

Don’t be afraid of what is unfamiliar or uncertain. Empower yourself. Take the leap of courage. Become an explorer. Beware of your convictions. Play with ideas. Make the obstacle the path. Become the world by becoming a healthy, adventurous, openminded, inquisitive force of nature.

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Nick Brandt Photography
Tommy Ingberg Photography

7 Ways to Heal the Crown Chakra

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“The crown chakra is located several inches above the head, but it is not connected. The crown chakra, also known as the thousand-petal lotus of light, references the planes of light, of enlightenment.” ~ Frederick Lenz

Our Crown Chakra – in Sanskrit it is called the Sahasrara Chakra “Thousand Fold” Chakra – is our direct connection point to the Source. It’s job is to connect us to Source by drawing energy directly from the universe and distributing it throughout the body via the body’s chi system aka the chakras.

Having a properly aligned and cleared Crown Chakra facilitates spiritual development and a lasting sense of contentment in our daily lives. Just as the Root Chakra grounds us by connecting us the Life Force energy of Mother Earth, we need the Crown chakra to round us out by keeping us centered with Universal energy of Source.

Healing the Crown Chakra

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7 Authentic Ways to Heal Negative Emotions

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“It’s not a matter of letting go- you would if you could. Instead of ‘let it go,’ we should probably say ‘let it be.” ~ Jon Kabat Zinn

To heal negative emotions requires persistent efforts and overcoming challenges that come along the way. You reach a point in your self-awareness process where you become acutely aware of the emotional responses happening within you daily. You may have found a thin line between showing support to yourself and at the same time, getting attached to these painful emotions, where it becomes your sense of identity.

Walking this line, trying to find a balance between the two proves to be the difference between becoming a confident, healed, and self-loving person, rooted in awareness rather than ego or being a victim of life, so intertwined with our painful emotions and the stories attached to them that they become extremely difficult to heal to completion.

While one should never use their idea of “being a positive person” as a means of trying to get rid of the natural emotions that are arising in them by methods of manipulation or judgment, there are undoubtedly, ways to heal negative emotions. These are, in fact, effective in helping them heal and transform all on their own, which in turn creates the space by which the blissful “positive” emotions that are our inherent nature can arise.

Here are seven ways to heal negative emotions

1) Acknowledge them

We cannot change that which we deny is even happening, which is why the initial step to creating a space for healing any emotion, is to acknowledge its existence. You don’t even have to name the emotion if you are at a point where you can meditate and feel the energy of the emotion, but nonetheless, you must see that it is there.

heal your negative emotions

2) Honor Them

Most emotions orbit repeatedly in our energy field because they have been feared, rejected or denied which only perpetuates them. When a painful emotion arises, that should tell you a deeper inquiry is required. Simply put, they are arising to be seen so that they can eventually be healed by you.

If we know that all stems from source (God/the divine/the omnipresent Universe) we should also know that even painful emotions fit into this category. Knowing this is a huge reason why honoring each emotion as God is hugely transformative.

If God him/her/itself arrived at your doorstep for dinner, how would you treat him/her/it? Most likely with the utmost respect and reverence, right?

So now you know how you should treat each emotion that arises as well. While it is easy to treat joyful emotions with respect, it is not so with the emotions that feel painful in our body, nonetheless, respect is required in assisting these emotions into a place where they can relax and dissolve into our awareness.

3) Do not blame others

Here is another approach that can be rather tricky, but effective to heal negative emotions. Very often our emotions come as an onset after someone else’s behavior or words, which makes it “feel” like that person is to blame for the emotion. On one level of consciousness, this may feel true, but those who are seasoned in self-awareness know something that takes this perspective into a higher truth.

The pearl of insight is that people are coming into our lives to act as catalysts to bring up the very emotions that exist unhealed in our energy field. This means that rather than blaming them for causing the emotion (which completely disempowers us into needing them to change or apologize before we can heal), we can see them as messengers that provide unlikely clues to our own healing.

On the opposite end, we must also not become too attached to the idea of ownership from within either. We are the consciousness behind the emotion, so while there may be a limiting belief that is running a program in our subconscious mind that has been triggered by the action of another, it does not mean we ARE that emotion.

We are simply the awareness who has the power to heal negative emotions – that defunct programming and emotional block by observing it, feeling it, and respecting it – but not owning it.

heal your negative emotions

4) See them as evidence of their opposite vibration

One helpful way to assist in actually having the courage to feel an emotion head on, is to know that emotions dissolve as a way to create space for their opposite to emerge.

This means that all unworthiness – when actually faced and felt – is creating the healing space that makes way for worthiness to arise in its place.

Anytime you are able to pinpoint what emotion you are having, you can acknowledge it and also bless it with its opposite, or even just declare, “I accept that this fear of not having enough is the evidence that space is being created for abundance consciousness. In knowing this, I allow myself to feel this fear completely without judgment as it is simply healing as I’m feeling it.

5) Thank Them

A major factor to heal negative emotions is to thank them.

As we come to know that no emotion arises as a mistake, we come to see some of the hidden gifts emotional responses contain. One is helping us identify where we are holding onto a subconscious belief or definition that is out of alignment with our highest truth.

All emotions stem from a belief, so no negative emotion can arise without there being a belief behind it. Knowing this makes these emotions amazing gifts in helping us to rewrite our subconscious beliefs!

By taking the time to sit with each emotion and appreciate it for the healing benefits and clues it contains, the emotions begin to soften and reveal their source – meaning the subconscious belief they stemmed from. As we rewrite that belief we are able to heal that emotion.

6) Celebrate them

With many things on the spiritual journey it is the most ironic or unheard of approach that actually is effective. Probably the last thing you would ever think to do when a painful emotion arises is celebrate its arrival — which is why this approach is also hugely transformational.

Treat it like you truly cherish its arrival and are so humbled to have its presence and the wisdom it holds in your energy field. Watch how quickly you can detach from negativity when you do the one thing that you would have never thought of, which is to celebrate its existence instead of judging or resisting it. Here lies the key to heal negative emotions.

7) Welcome them back home into the light

Imagine your open heart as a doorway into the light for each emotion. As you open your heart and allow yourself to feel the energetic signature of each emotion, what you are actually doing is letting that emotion be welcomed into your heart space, which leads to the light that you are. The light is where all emotions go to heaven so to speak.

You may have heard the word alchemy in relation to the spiritual journey and this approach is exactly what that word means. Alchemists use the light of their true nature to be the avenue by which painful emotions are dissolved into space – by simply feeling them to completion and welcoming them into their heart space.

It is important to note that it is most likely that you will need to use more than one or a combination of a few different approaches with each emotion. Nonetheless, it is also important to remember to honor your humanity in all of this.

It is often easy to see ourselves as spiritual robots here to use all techniques to get rid of all that “negative energy” we don’t want to deal with, but without also honoring the part of us that innocently feels these emotions from a human place, we become the manipulators of our emotions vs. the safe place they long for to return home.

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Faces screaming/”dealing with painful emotions” pic by: Nikki Sapp
Quote pic by Steven Attchison made by: Nikki Sapp