“We are all just walking each other home.” ~ Ram Dass
The ways in which you might stop absorbing other people’s negative energy are multiple, the main one being that in doing so you might just uncover the secret to fulfilling your purpose as a shining light who has come into this life to help others by your own example.
To be sensitive to other people’s energy is an indication that your life purpose is to become immune to unconstructive energy swordplay and rise above it. To become entirely immune to the petty pitfalls of human nature you must first become aware of them. Including those we ourselves engage in. Here are 6 ways you might do just that:
Remind Yourself of Other’s Goodness
The moment we slip into victim consciousness; that is, the moment we begin blaming and seeing others as the problem, is the moment we forget that everyone is good. If we remind ourselves daily that every single person we encounter in life; near or far, has the same innocence inside of them, then our moment of pain becomes transmuted into a moment when we resolve our victim consciousness.
Let yourself experience the inner child in everyone. And know, that any negative energy they might be throwing out, is just the grit that’s making a pearl. It has nothing to do with you. Variety is the spice of life – your path may be to spiritually uplift others, but perhaps that’s not everyone’s. Practice non-judgment in your own life and you will attract the same back to you.
Don’t Take it Personally and Practise Mindfulness
Might sound like old hat, but despite conceptually holding this little nugget of brilliance up to the light, turning it over and over in our hands, does not mean we practice it wholeheartedly, if even at all.
As Don Miguel Ruiz says: “Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….”
A fantabulous way to make yourself immune to negative energy is to practice mindfulness on a moment-to-moment basis.
Continuously remember to focus on some external source; your breath, sounds around you, the step of your feet, a chant and retrain your mind to instantaneously drop whatever it is you are grasping hold of.
See yourself in a film as an actor playing a part and become aware of the moments you take things personally. This may be familiar to you while you peel the carrots, but can be particularly effective during a conversation. Whenever you encounter another person, stay present. As you become better grounded in the present, you’ll be less open to attack and more successfully grounded in your own energy.
Be Acutely Aware of Status Play and When Others Use You as a Doormat
I know this follows on from the last point, but in order to become non-absorbent you really have to increase your awareness. Watch how others – especially family and old friends – bait you into putting yourself down or, one of the most manipulative and awful things we do to each other, project their feelings onto you.
The broader reason for this interplay and sharing of energy is our interdependence as a species. But before we can successfully thrive in that balance, we must first set some boundaries.
Feelings that aren’t your own, sudden mood swings and inexplicable saps in our energy. Let’s conveniently forget to analyse exactly how it happens, as overanalysing will further sap your energy. Just remember that they are only doing this because you let them (not an excuse I know, but it brings your power back), and put a stop to it. This may be by verbally not taking the bait by stating something positive and completely shattering your usual habitual response, or staying silent yet energetically open and watchful.
Especially watch out for times when others are using you as a doormat. Think about it. They notice you’re sensitive and eager to please (I mean help, not please. Help!) And literally use you to wipe all their dirt on, then leave feeling as light as a feather.
Meanwhile you now have crap up to your eyeballs and feel shitty for apparently no reason. These people will also then use your supposed mood swings or instability as a further excuse to prove your ‘weakness’ and keep up the status play.
Don’t get angry about it, it’s a facet of human nature. Just understand it and chose not to believe their narrative about you being weak and less than them. They’re just as scared as the rest of us. Don’t take it personally and use the experience to better connect with yourself.
How to Block the Status Play
Sometimes you just have to put the energetic stop sign up and not let certain people in. The fact that all human interactions (especially in the first few moments of meeting/meeting up with someone) involve this silent status play is daunting at first, but like anything practice makes perfect. Become aware of it, and then if you don’t like it, put a stop to it. This is easier said than done as you may admire said person, they may flatter or charm you, or they may simply be a constant daily intruder on your inner peace. Their persistence simply means you need to keep practising.
Sometimes the best thing to do is draw a line and vigilantly guard it… but beware: don’t hold it for too long or you might just turn to stone. Once you have this awareness, you can begin to experiment with alternative responses (all silent and completely within the energetic realm).
These might include visualizing your heart chakra staying open, warm and loving when you first see them, staying vigilantly present/focused on the breath or whatever your grounding technique is, and energetically ‘drawing’ a barrier between you and them. Some people go as far as performing rituals to encase themselves in protecting eggs of white light before they meet someone, but focusing on the space a few feet in front of you about level with your solar plexus will work just as well and saves time.
Notice When You Have Your Hands in Someone Else’s Energy Uninvited
This is where we must accept our own part in receiving other’s negative energy. If you are accustomed to giving energetic help without asking first and have done so since childhood, it can be incredibly difficult to even become aware of when you are doing so.
Not everyone wants your brilliant insights and reflections of their deepest, darkest downfalls. Not everyone wants a mirror held up to their face, and just because you can see their weak spot, doesn’t mean they’re going to appreciate you trying to fix it for them, or even helping them become aware of it.
In short they will immediately attack you. Instead, try reflecting back to them all the good you see in them and they will be more likely to take it on the chin when you offer your help (all energetically, silent and unspoken let’s remember) when you offer it.
But remember; some people will never want your help and will not want to change. They may even delight in the persistence of your good nature and abuse it. Recognize those people and block them completely.
Even if you need to keep seeing them, sever all energetic ties and be done with them. Just make sure you don’t apply this to everyone. To stem the flow between you and others is akin to starving yourself to death. Love yourself enough to let some people in. Just make sure you’re more discerning about the selection process!
Recognize When Your Own Story is interfering
In having the ability to see other’s weak spots and self deceptions, your own ego and weak spots may be more in the spotlight. No matter how discreet or subtle you are, you may be unable to help reflecting back at someone who they really are. Many, many people will be unable to take this, (it takes great wisdom) and as I said earlier, will attack you.
This role is often seen as the antagonist, the clown or the anti-hero. (Trust me, it is more effective and uplifting to play the divine child or nurturing angel than the clown, they usually run in circles or ultimately get destroyed.)
You can use the attacking counter-mirror the other person immediately holds up to your advantage and use it as an opportunity to iron out all aspects of your ego and anything else that does not serve you. Keeping the balance between not being told by others you are weak or egotistical and holding your own energetic space, yet keeping watch over your own niggles and life narrative.
Let yourself be mirrored and act accordingly. It’s OK to have this intensity of others trying to prove you wrong. Rather than see it as an attack, remind yourself that this is their ego defending itself. Be better aware of the moments your own ego tries to defend itself. This is the reason for status play. This is how we are walking each other home.