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The Eightfold Jagged Path of the Beyondman

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November 21, 2015

The Eightfold Jagged Path of the Beyondman

“Every valuable human being must be a radical and a rebel, for what he must aim at is to make things better than they are.” ~ Niels Bohr

The Beyondman has been chosen to tame the fates. She has evolved past good and evil. He is beyond moral and immoral. The Beyondman waits with Rumi, who once said: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

She is inside us all, waiting for us to arrive. She is the anima in man. He is the animus in woman. He is altiora hominis (going beyond mankind) par excellence.

If there is a dark side, she lights it on fire. If there is a light side, he cloaks it in shadows. She scoffs and blurs it all into a beautiful Middle Gray. He is the thunderous Gray Side of The Force, beaming darkness into the blinding light and shining light into the bleakest dark.

The Beyondman is amorally robust, tapping the cornerstone and using morality and immorality as mere steppingstones in order to reach the Philosopher’s stone.

Out beyond Rumi’s field there is a crossroads: one path leads back to the commons; the other path is jagged and unforgiving. Behold: the ever-unfolding Eightfold Jagged Path of the Beyondman…

1) The Path of Amoral Insight

“Evolution is not finished; reason is not the last word nor the reasoning animal the supreme figure of Nature. As man emerged out of the animal, so out of man the superman emerges.” ~ Sri Aurobindo

The path of amoral insight is infused with transformative Nietzschean energy, suffused with ubermensch-like undertones that shine a light on the basic nature of reality. There’s the Will to Power jutting its head over the benchmark, double-dog-daring the Beyondman to get power over power and to expiate it, lest power corrupt and absolute power corrupt absolutely.

There’s the vision of over-vision, seeing with over-eyes, looking out over the cosmic paradox with root-like understanding, heart-like intuition, and womb-like acumen. Here, there is no moral insight without amoral foresight. There is no immoral insight without amoral hindsight.

This path is the cornerstone of all paths, the Elbow of the Universe, the keystone, the root-stone forming the ever-changing, never-still, oceanic undertow of all things. The insight gained here speaks a language older than words. As Rumi advised, “There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.”

2) The Path of Amoral Purpose

“When the blood in your veins returns to the sea, and the earth in your bones returns to the ground, perhaps then you will remember that this world does not belong to you, it is you who belongs to this world.” ~ Unknown

Out beyond the moral daily grind of the man-machine and the immoral tyranny that drives it, there is a purpose that throws a wrench into the machinery. Here, the Beyondman learns how to become a force of nature first a person second. This purpose is beyond production. It’s beyond destruction. It rides the wave of trial-and-error into imaginative flow states.

It’s beyond security and comfort. It’s beyond paranoia and fear. It burns eternally on the robust kindling of courage and adventure. It’s beyond prudence. It’s beyond recklessness. It turns a mirror on the people, the culture, the world and the universe, daring it to come correct.

Like Karl Frei said, “Attitude is the difference between ordeal and adventure.”

3) The Path of Amoral Discourse

“Silence is not an absence but a presence.” ~ Anne D. LeClaire

Out beyond the clanking steel and blaring car alarms of civilization, there is a silence so quiet that it’s loud. It screams from the voice box of nature. It’s God on a microphone speaking through a bullhorn. And when one is present to this sacred silence, one cannot help but listen. Here, the Beyondman learns, not only how to listen, but how to speak.

Throat chakra spinning a purple vortex of positive vibrations out into the universe. Clear, truthful, uplifting and non-violent communication with the universe. Beyond moral speech. Beyond immoral speech. The deep love of amoral speech transcends status quo, feel-good jargon and fearmongering doublespeak.

Here, joyous laughter drowns out the lower shores of men who take themselves too seriously.

Like E.E. Cummings powerfully said, “Love is the voice under all silences. The hope which has no opposite in fear. The strength so strong mere force is feebleness. The truth more first than sun, more last than star.”

4) The Path of Amoral Agency

“We don’t reach the mountaintop from the mountaintop. We start at the bottom and climb up. Blood is involved.” ~ Cheryl Strayed

We don’t reach better questions by relying on outdated answers. We start at the cliff of doubt and gaze into the abyss of uncertainty. Bloody-mindedness is involved. Out beyond ancient truths grown stale, there is an updated way of questioning to the nth degree: self-interrogation. One must question the roots of oneself before questioning the roots of things.

From this ruthless form of questioning comes the Middle Way, the infinite edged sword of the Golden Ratio slicing through all answers. Here, revolt is in order. Revolution is the solution. One must be amoral in order to alchemize the immoral into the moral.

The Beyondman’s way of being sincere with the world is to disrupt it and then give it a new form. He amorally rebels; therefore morality exists. Because the Beyondman understands, as James Russell Lowell said, that “Time makes ancient good uncouth.”

5) The Path of Amoral Mindfulness

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” ~ Rumi

Out beyond poison. Out beyond medicine. Out beyond even traditional mindfulness, there is the amoral mindfulness of the No-mind, the sincere detachment to things things things. Here, the greatest generosity is non-attachment. The greatest meditation is learning to let go.

The greatest action is not conforming to the world but becoming the world. The ego dies in order to be reborn into soul, rising up as Individuation. The soul goes through a Dark Night of the Soul, rising up as Self-actualized. Between thoughts, between breaths, between mind and no-mind, the Beyondman goes beyond man, Promethean in the disclosure of secrets found within the many folds of the Great Mystery.

6) The Path of Amoral Overcoming

“The situation is hopeless. We must take the next step.” ~ Pablo Picasso

Out beyond the sense of self and the idea of fixed personas, there is a vicissitude so profound that it compels us to adapt and overcome. The Self sheds its skin over and over again, shattering all masks, and destroying all personas. Here, rebirth is eternally reoccurring. Wisdom sees through appearances.

Continual awareness is the greatest precept. There is no fixed state, there is only swimming. The Beyondman goes beyond man by learning how to swim through change, constantly adapting to new waves and overcoming new floods.

As Nietzsche once profoundly said, “If one has once drifted here with one’s bark, well, very good. Now let us set our teeth firmly. Let us open our eyes and keep our hand fast on the helm. We sail away right over morality. We crush out. We destroy perhaps what remains of our own mortality by daring to make our voyage thither. But what do we matter? Never yet did a profounder world of insight reveal itself to daring travelers and adventurers.”

7) The Path of Amoral Destiny

“In solitude, be to thyself a throng.” ~ Tibullus by Montaigne

Out beyond the good life and the bad life, where life is just life, there is a way of being in the world that eclipses all dispositions by transforming disposition itself into a steppingstone that catapults one into a heightened state of happiness, a divine state of existential jouissance, a sacred interdependent resonance with all things. Here, love is Agape-perfect with unconditional undertones.

Unhealthy is transformed into healthy, like led into gold. Immoderation is transformed into moderation, like wine into water. Right and wrong become entangled into vines that bind time ––past-present-future–– into a ladder that is climbed with loving joy and adventurous transcendence.

With amor fati (love of fate) in one hand and arete (excellence) in the other, the Beyondman goes beyond man by being-in-fate and surfing the high wave of Eudaimonia to become one with her destiny.

8) The Path of Meta-morality

“If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” ~ Emma Goldman

Beyond worms. Beyond Gods. There is Mankind, confused and insecure, jutting his head majestically over the natural world, only to be forced over the edge of the Existential Abyss where he loses himself in despair. He is the world’s only insecure animal.

Split between spirit and flesh. But, as Werner Heisenberg said, “The reality we can put into words is never reality itself.” So the Beyondman goes beyond man by understanding that man is a hypocritical social creature addicted to mythological storylines – both healthy and unhealthy.

Out beyond morality, immorality, and even amorality, there is Joshua Greene’s Metamorality evening all scores. Out beyond stories of “truth” and other stories of “truth,” there is the Story of Truth that is infinitely unfolding, despite the petty opinions of man.

With Brezsny’s “Hate hatred but don’t hate the haters” in one hand, and Guy Harrison’s “Hate the belief, love the believer” in the other, the Beyondman sails the breakwaters of Amorality over the lowly waves of immorality and morality, flattening the surface of each so that reflection becomes a possibility, and the Story of Truth can be read with a clarity that isn’t drowned out by fear and trepidation.

The Jagged Path is for everybody and nobody. It’s for everybody who seeks to question. It’s for nobody who seeks to rely on answers. It’s for everybody who seeks transformation. It’s for nobody who wishes to remain the same. It’s for everybody who seeks to evolve beyond man. It’s for nobody who wishes to devolve into stagnant man.

The Jagged Path is the path between paths, the perpetual crossroads beyond notions of moral and immoral, where the Golden Mean of amorality beams like a mighty beacon over the evolutionary landscape of the human leitmotif.

Creativity Is Madness

Image source:

Time of War by Olivier Valsecchi
Stardust & Angel Wings by Ludovic Florent
Dance photography by Sean Higgins

Healing the Spirit with Flower Mandalas

Artwork

Bhavika

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November 20, 2015

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“Whoever loves and understands a garden will find contentment within.” ~ Chinese Proverb

We are all part of nature. But somewhere down the line due to our ‘chosen’ busy lives we lose that connection with nature. We drift apart forgetting that nature nourishes our soul and spirit, which is equally important. Its never too late to reconnect with the Earth.

The magnificent creations of Kathy Klein, a Arizona-based artist, revives that lost connection with nature and its eternal mystery.

A devout lover of nature, Kathy creates stunning compositions known as danmalas: in sanskrit ‘dan’ means giver and ‘mala’ is a garland of flowers. Danmala is a giving of flower circles.

They resemble mandalas and while making it, she centers herself in a meditative devotional space. Danmalas are reflections of the inexpressible, a gesture which points towards life’s abundance, and reminds us all to listen to the unheard voice of nature and creation.

We had the chance to talk to Kathy and understand more about this beautiful nature mandalas.

How did it all begin?

The danmalas originally came about when I sincerely asked the Spirit for a way to give loving service to all beings and create abundance in all parts of my life (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual).

I have been making mandalas “forever”, as far back as I can remember…I have always “doodled” in this way since I was a child and in the past 13 years, I have especially preferred radial symmetry over all other formats. When I create any design on our property or in our home, a mosaic or a painting, I do it in a mandala shape.

And I have been creating “earthworks” forever as well, playing in the dirt and mud and clay with sticks and leaves, making sculptures on the beach out of the day’s findings, building water dams in the gutter of our suburban street, making fairy houses in my childhood backyard….of course every child starts out this way, with nature as their palette and I don’t remember ever stopping.

The first danmala manifested more than 5 years ago, I wanted to capture the colors and diversity of all of the peppers, eggplant, and tomatoes we grew that summer at our farm. So, I collected the last of the harvest, sorted everything by color, and then woke up very early before the sun rises over our little canyon, to make the first danmala, out of all the purple eggplants.

I had envisioned it in meditation for about a week before I made it, I knew “it was coming”:) it seemed completely natural to arrange all of the beautiful vegetables we had grown in a sacred circle, it felt like I was writing a big “thank you note” to the Divine and to Mother Earth, and after I made these first danmalas, I couldn’t stop!!! Every day I roamed our property looking for flowers and leaves to play with and make more offerings to the Spirit.

What has been your inspiration behind creating such beautiful mandalas?

My inspiration comes through my inner practice. Throughout each day my attention is drawn within and focused on the eye and ear of the Soul. My mantra is used only to center my mind until it becomes still and then hearing and seeing is clear.

Do you create rough sketches before you go on to make these intricate circles or is it spontaneous?

No, I just gather the flowers and let it happen intuitively.

How long does it take you to make a mandala?

Anywhere from 1-8 hours depending on gathering them and the intricacy involved. Sometimes I make a quick one in 20 minutes because of time or weather constraints, but usually its a much longer process.

I don’t ever notice the time passing, its my favorite part of the day!

Do you travel to different places to get the different types of flora?

Not purposefully, but I have travelled a lot and get to experience many different types of indigenous plants wherever I go.

What kind of flowers you generally look for in this practice?

I don’t really “look” they are just there; but certain flowers have shapes, hardiness, color changes that are better for the work.

Here are some of my favorite flowers in general: to make danmalas with, probably alstroemeria because there are about 4 different petal shapes you can play with and they are so hardy and stand up to heat and dryness which is important.

Dahlias are so beautiful to use because each petal is a multi-toned brush stroke. Also have a very iridescent quality to them. Also chrysanthemum is so powerful and strong and lasts long, comes in every color and size and petal shape etc. I feel really healthy when I touch them!

My favorite flowers to see in nature or landscaping are:
Gazanias, they have unbelievable colors and crazy stripes!
Roses, jasmine, gardenia, lavender…the SMELLS!!!
Echinacea and sunflowers! deep color.
Love in a mist is otherworldly…
Passion flowers which still look like they are from another planet to me!
All wild flowers make my heart smile. In Arizona, penstemons in all colors, bright red Indian paintbrush, and the clear yellow petals and grey blue leaves of desert marigold are my favorite plants to see along the highways.All winter long, pansies make me feel so grateful! I don’t know how they do it! They can be covered in ice in the morning and in the afternoon they are holding their faces high in the sunlight. so much joy and so delicate looking but incredibly resilient! I hope I didn’t leave anyone out! 🙂

What effect do mandalas have on our consciousness?

I see mandalas whenever I close my eyes. They come to me in meditation and during my inner travels. The first organic life forms on the planet have arisen in the form of mandalas. Mandalas are deeply embedded in our collective consciousness as they can be used to describe all of Creation and are a reflection of the Sacred which is inherently present in nature’s perfect geometry.

Are Your Emotions Making You Fat?

Life

Sonali Bansal

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November 17, 2015

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Food is comforting and in stressful situations we often seek solace in high-fat, sugary foods. The deeper reason why we eat food when we are low is not just the superficial comfort offered by it.

It is a way of escaping from what we are feeling, a way to hide & wrap our emotions and more often than not, an overweight person might be defending themselves of their insecurities by binge eating.

Our body is a mirror of our emotional well-being and reflects our state of mind and the kind of emotions we are feeding it with. The old saying we are what we eat can be rephrased as, ‘we are what we feel’. Different types of negative emotions create varied level of deficiencies in the body, which we fill by eating sweet, fried, cold, sour, junk etc.

Our body is intricately created and each and every cell is functioning individually to defend itself. Absorbing the energy, thoughts and words, these cells register the external stimuli and process it to create an action.

The emotional message we send to our body is through our reactions to different situations around us and these reactions in turn makes an impact on our physical appearance.

How it works?

For example when we are feeling insecure and are unable to express this insecurity due to our ego or any other emotional restriction, we suppress this insecurity or fear. This fear to express oneself leads to frustration and frustration leads to anger. Often when we are angry, we become defensive in our actions.

The cells, as mentioned earlier, process the requirement of defense as a way to protect themselves by surrounding themselves with fat, thereby increasing the fat storage in the body. The protective layer of fat is the hideout of a complexed, insecure person, who is trying to ward off a current situation at hand.

‘The Book of Human Emotions: An Encyclopedia of Feeling from Anger to Wanderlust’ stated, “Fat can be accumulated from a desire to defend oneself- against other people’s demands, against being treated frivolously or only as a sexual object. Food can be a way of bolstering ourselves against an oncoming stress, or showing some kindness to ourselves when we feel overlooked.”

Also, many diets allow a day of rest or a cheat day from the diet as a way of rewarding oneself. When our body knows the reward day is far, it starts storing fat and on the reward day, we automatically, allow ourselves the treats denied otherwise, adding more calories than we had calculated.

Yet another emotional imbalance caused by stress is the reason why our body is storing fat. Studies have proved that when we do excess of cardiovascular exercises or are stressed otherwise, our body starts producing adrenaline, which commands the fat cells to release fatty acids in the bloodstream to be used as energy.

During a stressful situation, the body releases stress hormone known as cortisol that grabs all the excess fatty acids and accumulates them around the belly area. This leads to bloating, increased belly fat and constipation. A recent study by Yale University in the U.S. found that even slim women are more likely to have excess abdominal fat if they regularly feel stressed.

Loneliness, deprivation, boredom and anxiety, all these emotions have an impact on our fat storage levels and eating habits. Often when we are lonely we try to find the company of food to cheer ourselves. Also, when we are bored, our ability to make smart food choices goes for a toss, and we give into eating more fattening food than we would have otherwise.

Weight Loss by Understanding Emotions

Food diary

A food diary can give deep insights into our personal choices, moods and behaviour patterns and allow us to record & make good food choices. Start by recording the types of food you are eating, the feeling you had when you decided for that particular food, was there anything else you wanted to eat, but you made for the healthier food choice & how did you feel after eating.

The day-to-day journey will help increase self-awareness and also help in understanding what was the food used for; whether it was to beat stress, feel secured or fulfilled.

Self Care

Apart from talking about your issues with a loved one, a friend or a family member, it is best that you take charge of your situation and start catering to your needs first. Self-care is the best tool to overcome stress, anger or loneliness.

For instance, if you are rewarding yourself by allowing sweets on a particular day, that will be a part of self-soothing and not a part of self care. Try to create a positive attitude by interacting with positive people, meditating or following a relaxation routine every day to increase self-care attitude.

Take up a hobby

We understand that exercising is your tool to loose weight, but sometimes a new activity or hobby can reduce stress and deviate attention from the ongoing struggle. Instead of finding refuge in food, you can find your escape in a new physically challenging hobby.

The new activity could just be gardening, dancing or anything that you prefer. Reading inspirational books or self-help books can also help you to stay positive and beat whatever that is bothering you: loneliness, boredom, anxiety etc.

Exercise Mix

If you are trying to loose weight and have been working out in some way or the other – be it pilates, yoga, tai chi or gym, it would be a better idea to combine some of them instead of sticking to only one form.

When we put too much emphasis on cardiovascular exercises like jogging, running, jumping, skipping, workouts, we are increasing stress levels in the body. Instead, add resistance training to your routine or add yoga or pilates or kick-boxing if you like.

Maintaining a healthy body and a balanced mind is not just a game won with exercising and food habits. Our attitude and approach helps us shape the outcomes as well. In order to shed weight, we need to shed many other emotions, which are not serving us.

To start a healthy journey, let us give up on the unhealthy baggage weighing us down.

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Eat
Quote

The Power of Eudaimonia: Flow States & Knowing Thyself

Gary Z McGee

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November 15, 2015

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The Power of Eudaimonia: Flow States & Knowing Thyself

“The ultimate end of human acts is Eudaimonia, happiness in the sense of living well, which all men desire; all acts are but different means chosen to arrive at it.” ~ Hannah Arendt

Eudaimonia is a Greek word referring to healthy, happy and prosperous human flourishing, especially as a striving toward arête (virtue or excellence) and ethical wisdom. Morally, Eudaimonia refers to moral or amoral actions that result in the essential value of independent and interdependent well-being.

When used creatively, Eudaimonia can be breathtakingly effective at stretching comfort zones, shattering mental paradigms, flattening status-quo boxes, and propelling us into heightened states of awareness and compassion. But how to reach it, is the question. How do we tap into this most sacred state of being?

This article hypothesizes two possible concepts that, when combined, may give us an “answer:” Know thyself & Flow states. Let’s break it down.

Know Thyself

“Nobody is an ‘I’ in any substantial sense without a ‘you’ and a ‘they,’ and our self-understanding is formed as much by others as by ourselves.” ~ Patrick Stokes, New Philosopher

To know thyself is no walk in the park. It takes ruthless introspection, questioning to the nth degree, and the willingness to admit when we’re wrong. Above all, it takes a particular type of courage to break down the very idea of the “Self” to begin with.

According to Jean-Paul Sartre, each of us has three constitutive dimensions: being-in-itself (what you are physically), being-for-itself (what you are consciously), and being-for-others (what you are to others). A huge part of knowing thyself is becoming intimate with these three aspects.

Being-in-itself

You are a mind-body-soul taking up perceptual space within a particular environment. Becoming more aware of this dimension is becoming more aware of how you fit into your particular environment in the healthiest way.

From the basics –air, water, food, shelter– to the understanding of how far you can push your physical limits. Everything, your very survival, is based upon the basic understanding of your health in regards to your physical self within a physical world.

Being-for-itself

Your mind-body-soul has an independent awareness of itself and its environment that goes beyond self and environment. This is conscious awareness. Consciousness of yourself, of others, and of the environment. Becoming more aware of this dimension is becoming more aware of free will, your interpretation of reality and its flexibility, and the complex choices you make in regards to your interpretation.

Being-for-others

Your mind-body-soul is also interdependent upon how others see you. To a large extent, how others see you is out of your hands, but you can influence how others see you through your persona(s). Others may not see you how you see yourself, but with enough practice they might come close. Becoming more aware of this dimension is becoming more aware of yourself as a social being in relation with other social beings and how you manage your persona(s), your words, your actions, and ultimately your overall character.

Being-in-fate

Bonus round! This is my addition to Sartre’s ontological analysis on being (standing on the shoulder of a giant in an attempt to see further than the giant). Your mind-body-soul is also interdependent upon how you relate to and perceive your overall fate.

Amor fati, a Latin phrase that loosely translate to “love of fate,” is a way to interpret fate positively by having an attitude in which you see everything that happens to you, including suffering and loss, as necessary, in that it is all steppingstones that make up your existence.

Becoming more aware of this dimension is becoming more aware of how things play out on the broad spectrum of choice and chance. It’s being in touch with your own existential revolt, like Camus’ Sisyphus, who embraces fate and chooses to be happy despite the limits of the human condition. And in so doing, he discovers absolute freedom in amor fati.

If you can combine these four pieces of the puzzle of the self, and if you’re brave enough to question them to the nth degree, and if you can attempt to piece them together in unique and creative ways, and if you authentically regard everything that happens to you as being synchronous with fate and cosmic progression, and if you are prepared, most of all, to be present and vulnerable to some challenging truths about yourself, then knowledge of thyself, and perhaps even Eudaimonia, will not be withheld from you.

Flow States

“A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.” ~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Achieving a flow state is colloquially referred to as “being in the zone.” Hungarian psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is known for coining the flow state.

Csikszentmihalyi described flow as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake.

The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.”

When you “know thyself,” you add that to the set of “skills” in your arsenal when you show up to the canvas of your life. Then all you have to do is be present. Be engaged. Be in love with the moment. Let go of everything you think you know, and just feel your way through it. Simply be Creativity. It’s an active meditation. Breathe in, breathe out. Flow in, flow out.

Achieving a flow state is allowing yourself to be creative in the moment. The art that comes out does not have to be perfect; it just has to be authentic. Be present. Be genuine. Be creative. Creativity shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s perseverance. Keep drawing. Keep writing. Keep painting. Keep snapping pictures. Keep crafting.

Lose yourself in the process and the flow state will come. And even if it doesn’t, at least you’re doing something you love.

Like George Lois said, “Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything.”

And when combined with the open-ended quest of knowing thyself, these flow states take the quest into entirely new realms of self-introspection. You become receptive to stimuli to which, in the time before, you were insensate.

Your independent search becomes an interdependent dance. Your “being-in-fate” melts the other three dimensions of yourself, sealing you together with amor fati into an interconnected, individuated, self-actualized being. And the sacred state of Eudaimonia washes over you.

In hindsight you see how knowing yourself and the creative drive to achieve flow states, were both profoundly critical in achieving Eudaimonia. Indeed. You see how your flourishing is due to knowing who you are in the here-and-now and loving yourself enough to produce fruit forthwith. Because of this, your quality of life is immeasurably improved, suffused with arête. Your health and happiness place each the other into proper perspective.

Through tragedy and comedy, ill fate and high humor, by knowing yourself through your creativity, you’re now able to make the most of the bad and appreciate more of the good. Your happiness is rounded out, not only by knowing who you are, but by relating to it and creating from it what you love – your own unique art.

Like Csikszentmihalyi said, “Of all the virtues we can learn no trait is more useful, more essential for survival, and more likely to improve the quality of life than the ability to transform adversity into an enjoyable challenge.”

And perhaps the best part of Eudaimonia is the existentially robust and spiritually profound ability to tap into higher wisdom in order to discern the best course to take toward living well. Over and above who you are in the moment, transcending what the creative process can or cannot do, your burgeoning moral compass subsumes right and wrong, light and shadow, pain and love.

Your courage becomes a courage of the most high. Your humor becomes a humor of the most high. Thereby you feel joy. Therefore are you happy. You are now ready to meet Rumi, who said, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

Hacking Your Flow State

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Stepping stones
Colourful Life
Theta state

How to Deal with Teenage Depression for the Awakened Parent

Ester Eckhaus

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November 14, 2015

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How to Deal with Teenage Depression for the Awakened Parent

For a parent dealing with a depressed child, and for the growing teenager, the road to recovery can be both confusing and emotionally draining. Both parent and child are experiencing a huge shift in their relationship and understanding of each other.

Not only do parents need to be the emotional rock for their children, but also for themselves and other family members who may be affected by the changing storms in the home.

I wish to present not only a few ways to deal with the depression and a loved one, but also a few very important tools to prevent or help depression in children earlier on.

What can cause depression for teenagers?

There is no one thing that causes depression but a lot of similarities come up in teens that suffer from depression. One factor is teenagers going through the difficult teen years with the feeling that they are alone, and don’t have a trustworthy adult to turn to.

Not only are teenagers feeling pressured by school and peers, but the adults in their life put pressure on them to do well and succeed, with the idea that failure means that they may fail in their future life as well.

A lot of teens feel that they are struggling alone because they feel unable to confide in their parents due to fear of judgement or reprimanding. Another big factor that is seen in teenage depression is a strong feeling of a lack of control over their life.

This can happen very easily as parents forget to make the transition from the child who needs guidance and protection, to the young adult who needs guidance, but can be trusted to make his/her own life choices.

Especially when religion or strict educational expectations are involved, the teenager is left feeling completely powerless and unable to deal with self-worth and responsibility in a healthy way. Using the line “because I’m the parent, and what I say goes”, teaches a child that listening to authority is more important than learning how to make their own life choices, and leaves them feeling trapped in situations that are not the best for them.

How to create a healthy environment early on

Having an open relationship and communication with each child is the most important thing that can be done for them.

When parents are willing to talk to children in a way that includes them in decision-making and conflict resolution, they are letting the child feel involved and in control of their life. Talking and working with them to find creative solutions instead of telling them what to do is always the better approach.

For example: “Let’s talk about chores”, instead of, “I’ve drawn up a chores list for you.” This also gives them the skills to make good and healthy decisions later on as a teenager, and even later as an adult. This also lets the parent and child mould their environment in the healthiest and most suitable way for each child’s unique personality.

A child who does not have strengths in one subject should know that this does not relate on his/her self-worth, and that the things that they are will be recognized and given a chance to flourish.

A creative child should be involved in creative outlets, an energetic child in sports, a gentle child in gardening, etc. If each child’s self-worth is measured by the child next to them, or the school’s curriculum, the child is not given the chance to find their own gifts.

What should I do if my child is already suffering from depression?

There are three basic rules: Support, Listen, and Validate

Support:

A teenager (especially when an open relationship was not established early on) may shut parents out in a time of depression or struggle. When this happens, it’s important to be gentle yet persistent.

Don’t overwhelm them with your fears, anxieties, and sadness on the situation. In this time, you need to be their rock and safety against the storm. Show them that you are there for them whenever they are ready to come out and lean on you.

Listen:

To really listen is a practice that always needs more practice. Really listen to your child. Sometimes it may seem easier, or less scary to approach a teenager with the intention of giving advice or relating to them, but what they need is to be listened to without any lectures or opinions.

Don’t leave this job up to the therapist; a good talk between parent and child can be worth more than ten therapy sessions. Once again, if your teenager feels unable to speak openly and honestly just yet, give them time and space and gentle reminders that you are there when they want to talk.

Validate:

Once your teenager feels ready to open up, you must remember not to lecture (or even share your emotions on the subject.) Validate the feelings they are experiencing. This means not giving them your opinions or antidotes just yet, and don’t rationalize their emotions or negate them in any way.

Even “it will get better,” or “it’s just a phase that will pass,” can be extremely invalidating to a teenagers struggle. Try “we’re here for you,” or “you’re very strong.”

What to do for you and your family when your teenager is suffering from depression

Avoid the blame game

Do not blame yourself or your spouse for the way things have happened. This will only add more negative feelings to the mix and will make you feel unable to deal with the situation at hand.

If you feel that you could have done better as a parent, start now instead of beating yourself up over it. We are all human and cannot blame ourselves when things don’t go as planned. Forgive and set intentions for the future as you would like to see it.

Take care of yourself and the other family members

Make sure to take time to treat yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, a movie, or a night out with friends. Negative energy can be contagious, so break the chain with you. By treating yourself well you are keeping yourself above the negative energies, where you are better able to deal with them and be a source of help for your family. Also, it’s important to make sure that the other children are not being overshadowed by the present difficulties.

The truth about teen depression | Megan Shinnick | TEDxYouth@BeaconStreet

Don’t tip-toe

Other children in the family can sense when something is wrong, and most likely, trying to keep it a secret will lead children’s imaginations to something even worse. Let your children know what is going on around them.

Respecting boundaries is important as well, but talking to the other children does not require all the details, just enough so as not to leave them in the dark guessing. This will also show the teenager that it is not a taboo subject, and that it’s okay to talk about it.

Reach out for support

At a time like this it can be very difficult for a parent to deal with the many emotions that come up. Take the time to talk to someone, whether it be a good friend, spouse, family member, or counselor. Know that it is not a taboo subject, and that you will not be blamed or judged for trying to help yourself and your family.